


Return to the Light

by Casssidyc



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars
Genre: Ben might make an appearance, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo is baby, Reader Insert, Rey doesn't exist and this is what the sequels could have been instead, Smut, This is what Star Wars would be if it was a lifetime movie, You're kind of mean to him too, and also there was porn in it, but also fluff, idk how to write porn, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 65,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casssidyc/pseuds/Casssidyc
Summary: You're a Resistance fighter with Force abilities, and Kylo Ren has it out for you.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Y/N, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 12
Kudos: 84





	1. Prologue

You'd met him before, he was the reason you joined the resistance. You couldn't idly stand by and watch the First Order destroy homes and families into dust.

You were born on Coruscant, in the slums. Your father was a droid mechanic, and your mother a waitress. She passed away when you were a youngling, and your father began to gamble away everything you ever had. You'd been on your own practically your whole life, the few friends you had torn apart by the war.

You'd always been able to see the light and dark in people, your intuitions were always correct. You were a teenager when you realized what it was. You'd been walking home from a job when someone tried to grab you from the shadows, and the ground cracked between you, giving you a chance to get away. You were terrified that someone had seen, if the wrong people found out, you'd surely be killed. There was no Jedi order, and the Republic was crumbling beneath the pressure of the First Order, so you kept it to yourself, trying to repress it for as long as you could.

Resistance fighters would come into town every once in a while, to get supplies or to meet with others who had information, and you'd met a few members when they came into the cantina you worked at. When they arrived, their confidence sent a wave of relief through the community, a hope that wasn't there before. The presence of light was reassuring.

And then there was dark. The First Order patrols became a regular thing, every night you could hear as they terrorized people in their homes and on the streets. You made it a point to not walk alone at night, and if you did have to, you stuck to the main roads for as long as you could. This went on for years, the patrols becoming more and more violent every day. Then one day, the First Order sent a fleet to destroy everyone associated with the Resistance. You watched them gun innocent people down in the streets, they were asking for information regarding the fighters who were in town, and no-one would give them the answers they wanted.

He stood behind his small army, his hand firm on his lightsaber. You had heard rumors about him, about his abilities. You were far back in the crowd, but you could feel the power radiating off of him as if he were mere inches from your face. His helmet was dark, but you swore for just a moment, your gazes met. You weren't going to wait around and find out how powerful he truly was.

You knew where the fighters had been staying, they'd tried to recruit you earlier in the week. You ran through the streets to find them before he could. You told them they needed to leave, they only had minutes before the First Order would destroy them, and as they hurriedly packed the necessities onto their ships, you asked if you could come with them.

General Leia Organa could feel it as soon as you entered the base. She took you into her arms, and you become her apprentice. She taught you to control and manipulate the force, and to use it for light. You became a scouter for the Resistance, going to new systems and planets looking for land to settle potential new bases, and recruiting new members to join the cause. Poe Dameron taught you to fly, and you were surprisingly good at it. You loved being apart of something good, and the Resistance became your family.

But the Force started to change. You began seeing things you'd never seen before, indistinguishable shapes and sounds at first. You thought it was telling you that something dangerous was coming. You told Leia of these visions, and she tried to help, but with Luke gone she wasn't sure where to look. The pictures became clearer, and you realized you were seeing inside of the First Order, walking through their corridors, and listening to private conversations only their leaders knew of. That's when you realized you were connected to someone else.

Kylo Ren.


	2. Chapter 2

"Poe! Two tie fighters on your left!" You called over your head set.

"Got it! Watch the rocks!" He called back. You could hear BB-8 squealing in the background.

The asteroid field Poe led you into was not making this getaway very easy. You whipped your ship around to get behind the fighters, locking one of them into your radars. The green lasers lit up the sky, finally hitting the wing, sending the fighter flying into an asteroid.

"Nice!" Poe called, his guns shooting at the other one.

The second Tie Fighter began to retreat, slowing down until he disappeared into the shadows.

"C'mon, let's get out of here before they bring more backup!" Poe yelled. The two of you raced out of the asteroid field, heading back to base.

\---

A ground crew was waiting for you as you landed. You pushed the top of your ship and removed your helmet, handing it to the engineer waiting on the ground. Poe was already at your ship as you hopped out.

"That was incredible!" He yelled, pulling you into a hug.

"Hey! How was it? Did you guys make contact?" A voice called from the crowd. It was Kaydell Connix, one of General Leias' right hands, and a friend you'd made when you got here. She pushed through the crowd, and BB-8 flipped one if his arms out to reveal the transmitter chip.

The crowd got quiet, and a path was made for Leia to pass through.

"General Leia, we were able to make contact with the engineer on Naboo." Poe announced, standing up a littler bit straighter as she approached.

"I'm so proud of you two." She pulled you and Poe into an embrace. "Any complications?" She asked.

Poe got quiet, something that rarely happened, his eyes fell to the ground.

"Nope! Everything was perfect!" You smiled, elbowing Poe in the ribs. You didn't want her to know what you'd been through, you could tell her at a later time.

She squinted her eyes at you, trying to see through the lie. She pursed her lips for a moment as you and Poe faked big shiny grins at her. "Okay then! Let's get this transmission to the control room to C3PO." She shrugged. BB-8 Wheeled through the crowd quickly, and the crew followed.

Poe gave you a look.

"I will tell her, just not right now." You rolled your eyes at him.

"Fine. Let's go listen to this transmission we worked our asses off to get." He started off towards the control room. You nodded, and followed behind him.

A datapad was displaying a blueprint in the middle of the room, and a voice was projecting from the control board.

"These are plans we've intercepted from the First Order command ship." The voice of the engineer said. He was explaining what we were looking at, taking time to talk about all of the moving parts. The crew listened quietly, and when he was finished, General Leia finally spoke.

"Well, that's that." She announced. "Admiral Ackbar, I assume you'll come up with a plan?"

"Of course General!" He said, beginning work on his datapad.

"Okay then, let's get to work!" Leia said, and the crowd dispersed. She made eye contact with you, and you knew it was the time to tell her.

"General Leia, Can I have a moment?" You asked, approaching her from across the room. She nodded, and led you into a small conference room.

"I knew that there was something else." She raised her brow at you.

"When we were on Naboo, we were waiting on the engineer to arrive and..." You paused, searching fo the right words, "I saw him."

She was silent, you didn't have to say his name for her to know who you were talking about.

"Except he wasn't actually there." You explained, "It was like I could see him, instead of just listening through his head, I was actually seeing him."

"It's strange. The force works in mysterious ways." She said.

"But why me?" You asked. The memory of Poe pulling you out of your trance popped up. He had been talking to someone, and you'd interrupted halfway through the conversation, so you didn't understand what they were talking about, and you could only hear his side. You're almost positive that he realized it as soon as you did. You could feel him trying to push you out, you wished he could. You were trying to live your life without trouble, but he was making it very difficult.

"I'm not sure why you." Leia shook her head. "How's your meditation going?" She asked.

"It's going good, and I've been running the course every day." You said.

"Good. Focus on your meditations. I'll see if I can find anything else on this." She said. You nodded your head at her, and excused yourself.

You went back to your tent to turn in for the night. You could feel the First Order growing more and more dangerous every day, but the Resistance was growing stronger. You ended the day with meditation, trying to get the memory of him out of your mind.

You started to feel him more and more with each passing day, and finally one day, you asked why. You were more startled by the response, than by the fact that you were looking directly at him, not through his eyes. You saw his face clearly that day, his dark hair framing his sculpted jaw, his almost black eyes seeming to stare right into your soul.

"Who are you?" He was angry, like you'd caught him doing something he wasn't meant to be doing. Your heart dropped from your chest, "You're scared, I can feel it. Who are you?" This time it was a demand

"Nobody." You closed your eyes and shut it off. You were scared, but you didn't want him to know that, and you severed the connection. You never wanted to feel that way again.

Over the next few months, you heard snippets of conversations between him and his leader. You could feel Ren reaching out to you, trying to get into your head, but you refused to let him dig deep enough. You heard Snoke tell him that you were a threat. To you that was unimaginable, you were definitely not as strong as he was, so what could you be a threat against. But you realized the power you had behind you. The resistance put their trust in you, General Leia put her trust in you, and that was the biggest threat they could face.

Snoke gave the order to find you, you'd heard it one night while you were trying to fall asleep. He had everyone associated with the First Order looking for you. You feared for the safety of your family.

You decided it would be better for everyone if you left the base, until you could figure out what was connecting the two of you. Leia gave her blessing, so you left D'Qar in a small shuttle, and to Poes insistence, with BB-8 trailing behind you.

Leia had told you the story of her mother, a Senator on Naboo, and how she had passed in childbirth. She thought maybe there would be some Jedi archives somewhere on the planet, as they held a crucial role in the Clone Wars and the downfall of the Empire so long ago. You made your way back to Naboo, weary of the planet, as you had seen Ren there last time. You had to remind yourself that he wasn't actually there, just an image in your mind. He couldn't harm you.

You landed your shuttle on the outskirts of the capital. It was quiet, and secluded, but close enough to town that you could do your research. You had BB-8 transmit your location to Leia, letting her know you made it safely. Your first day was uneventful, setting up your camp, and asking the Jedi who came before you to help you in your quest. They said nothing.

You laid in your cot that night, preparing for the full day ahead of you, when you felt him again, his pulse in your head.

He spoke first, "How are you doing this?"

You were almost too timid to speak, so your words came out quietly. "I don't have answers for you."

"Where are you?" He demanded

You tried to break the connection, the more that you talked to him the more you worried he'd be able to find you.

"I've seen you before, somewhere, before all of this started." He said. He didn't remember the gaze you held so long ago on your home planet.

"I don't know." You muttered

"You're not very smart, are you?" You could feel the sarcasm in his voice, like this was a game to him.

"Get out of my head, and leave me the hell alone." As much as you hated to admit it, you were slightly offended by what he had said, and you wanted it to stop.

"You're terrible at controlling your emotions. Any time you feel anything I get that tickle at the back of my neck." You knew exactly what he was describing because you had felt it too, "It's driving me insane." He said

"You're not exactly a gem to have in my head." You rolled your eyes, still trying to shut the connection off.

"I will find you." He was very matter of fact in his statement.

"Good luck." You said, finally forcing him out.

You tried not to worry, it's been this long already and he wasn't able to track you, but you didn't want to let your guard down. The Resistance needed you, and you couldn't let this distract you, let him distract you.


	3. Chapter 3

You hadn't had much luck tracking down the documents you were searching for, and you had to be careful about where you went because of the First Order patrols. It was worse than the last time you were here, more stormtroopers were in the city looking for signs of rebellion. Leia had given you some contacts, but you had yet to contact any of them down.

Transmissions to base were short and vague, to keep unwanted ears from listening. Poe had asked about BB-8 every single day, you could tell he missed his friend. You couldn't wait to get back to your family.

It had been weeks since you last heard his voice. In fact, you hadn't felt much of anything from him in that time. For the first time in months your thoughts were only your own. It was a relief to say the least.

You returned to your camp for the night, you'd spent the day replenishing your supplies, and trying to avoid stares from the public. The people here acted as if nothing was wrong, even with the presence of the First Order.

Your meditation was first in your night routine. You centered yourself in your small tent, trying to clear your mind, and reset your body. You tried to channel anyone you could, to help you with the ways of the force. Instead, you saw him.

A glimpse of the inside of a command ship raced through your mind. Your eyes shot open, cutting the ties off. You didn't want to do this tonight. You rinsed your face, trying to wash off everything the day had piled on you, and then set your blaster and light saber under your cot and laid down.

Another glimpse of the stars.

You rolled over, pulling the pillow over your eyes and ears, trying to push it out. You could feel his heartbeat in your head, he was calm and collected, but you could feel an urgency within him. He must be meeting with Snoke, he always seemed to get a little worked up when they spoke. You rolled back over to the other side, facing away from the door. You heard him grumble something under his breath, and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Can you leave me alone?" You snapped at him, "I'm trying to sleep and your mumbling isn't making it easy."

He was silent.

"What, You're too afraid to talk now? Wheres your snarky commentary?" You smirked, you could feel him getting irritated, and with that, he cut it off.

Your head began to clear again. Having someone else in your head was tiring, it felt like two marbles trying to merge into one, it's impossible. You rolled over onto your back, finally able to close your eyes and succumb to the sleep your body so needed.

\---

You awoke with a jump. The air was still, but an electric current ran right through you. This is exactly how you felt when you'd seen him in person for the first time. You grabbed your saber out from under your bed, and BB-8 wheeled into your tent, his beeps urgent.

"Yes BB-8, I know. Get a transmission to base, and get out of here." You said, standing from the bed. He began to refuse. "BB-8, I'm serious, I got this. Get out of here." He stared you down for a minute, before nodding then speeding off into the darkness.

You waited in your tent, listening for anything to give his position away. It was quiet.

"If you surrender now, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble." He whispered

"You're bluffing. You're not even here." You said, getting ready for whatever the hell he had planned. You heard rustling in the bushes, and you prayed that it was just BB-8.

"The walls of your tent can't protect you." He said, and that's when you heard the footsteps outside of your camp.

"I can take you on any day." You said loudly.

"Don't be too sure of yourself." He said, still just inside of your head. He was still so calm, but he wasn't as close as he said made it appear that he was.

"Drop your weapons, and come with us." A voice said from outside. You could see a small army of stormtroopers outside of your door.

You laughed, igniting your saber and pulling it close to your body. You flipped your cot on its side, providing a little bit more cover than you had before. They shot their blasters at your tent, tearing up the fabric above your head so you could see them better. They pointed their blasters at you next, the commanding officer giving them the order to fire. You used the force to push them all back, revealing another fleet behind them emerging from the trees. You realized they weren't there to kill you, but to keep you distracted long enough for Ren to get to you. The next wave of fire came, and your cot wouldn't be enough to protect you. You cut a hole through the tent with your light saber, and pushed through the side, launching yourself to land behind your ship.

As you landed, a sharp pain radiated through your abdomen. One of them had hit you, and it did not feel good. They ceased fire, and you grazed your hand to the wound, it had already began to bleed. You put pressure against it, trying to stop the pain.

"Who shot her?" You heard him growl. The stormtroopers were quiet. "Who shot her?" He yelled loud this time, everyone could feel the anger radiating off of him. You peeked your head out from behind the ship, watching as he ignited his saber, giving one last warning.

Your vision began to blur, the blood from your wound oozing onto the ground beside you. You were hoping this would kill you, you'd rather die than go with him. You turned back around as his rage overcame him, and he struck down the commanding trooper as the others stood back and watched. You tried to crawl into the shadows as he had his tantrum, scooting yourself into the tree line. You could hear his boots in the mud, crushing the leaves and twigs below him, getting closer as you tried to get away. He flipped you over with a kick of his boot as if you were a piece of garbage below his feet. You glared into his mask, and held your lightsaber tightly, ready to fight, or die trying.

"I told you I'd find you." He said, kneeling close to you. You were still fading, but you swung your lightsaber at him, warning him to get away. He deflected, and grabbed onto the hilt with ease, his hand crushing yours, and he pulled it away from you. You were fading fast, and you watched as he placed his other hand over the hole in your belly.

"Just kill me already." You spit out, you could taste blood in your mouth, you weren't going to last for much longer.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to do that." He smirked, pulling you up into his arms. He waved his fingers, and with that, you lost consciousness, with a final hope that you never woke up.


	4. Chapter 4

The lights in the med bay were so bright, and they never turned off. Machines connected to you would make a shrill beeping noise every time they needed tending too, and a droid would come in to clean and take vitals. You hadn't seen Ren since Naboo. The only interaction you'd had the entire time you'd been here was the doctor, who had come in only once since you woke up, and didn't say anything to you and instead took a few notes on his data pad then left. A small droid would come in a few times daily to change the bandage on your stomach and clean the wound. It seemed to be healing fine, but the large red scab was a grim reminder of the reality.

You tried to use your power to get out of the room, but the bracelets they placed so tightly on your wrists prohibited it. It was the most frustrating feeling ever.

You could see a stormtrooper stationed at your door every hour of every day. They stood there, silent, waiting for you to try to escape. You couldn't tell how long you'd been here, at this point it could have been weeks.

Today was different though. The doctor entered, accompanied by a droid and two stormtroopers when he walked through the door. Without any word he began to unhook the machines from you while the droid redressed your wound. The stormtroopers stood back, blasters ready for you to make a move.

You just wanted some answers, "Are you finally going to tell me what's going on?"

"Commander Kylo Ren will see you now." The doctor was stoic, and he grabbed a change of clothes out of the cabinet beside you, setting them on the bed, "These are for you, when you're ready, they will escort you to him." He said, motioning at the troopers, then leaving the room. You were still a bit wobbly, as you'd only been allowed to stand a few times since you'd been here. The troopers turned to face the door to give you some privacy, and you stood from the bed, cringing from the pain of putting weight onto your left side. You changed quickly, discarding the gown you'd been in. You limped over to the sink, bracing yourself on it while you ran your fingers through your hair. You were trying to make yourself look as presentable and strong as you possibly could, you didn't want him to believe that he had won this fight. The truth was, he had won this fight. You were broken. You couldn't use the Force, you had no weapons, and even if you did, you weren't strong enough to fight him. Hell, you couldn't even take out a droid if you needed to!

You looked at yourself in the mirror, and nodded in approval. You turned to the stormtroopers and let them know you were done. The door opened, and they stared straight ahead as they led you through the halls. They were trained to be devoid of all human connection. You could tell you were on a ship, one of the dreadnoughts that you'd seen through Rens' eyes. Doors would open and close quickly, as crew members would enter and exit the control rooms throughout the ships. You followed the troopers through a maze of hallways, until finally they stooped at a door, and took position on either side of it.

"You may enter now." One of them said. It wasn't the most encouraging statement, as they sought shelter on either side of the door, as if they knew what dangers were awaiting you in that room.

You took a step towards the door, and it flew open. You could see the large windows across the room, looking out into the never ending space. In the middle of the room sat a table of chairs, and a figure stood behind that. You took a few more timid steps until you were finally in the room, and the door slammed shut behind you.

"Sit." He commanded.

You strode over to the closest seat, and lowered yourself into it. His back was towards you, looking out at the stars. You couldn't read him, the cuffs on your wrists felt heavy as you realized they had cut your connection top him off. The room was silent.

You cleared your throat, "I think we got off to a bad start, my name is-"

"I know exactly who you are." He said, turning to face you, "You're rebel scum."

His words were like fire, if he knew who you were, then he probably knew everything about you. Who knew what he had found out while you slept, you prayed that you were strong enough to keep him out of the depths of your mind where all of your Resistance knowledge was.

"How long have you been with them?" He asked, his mask disguising all emotion.

"A while." You squinted, okay so he must not know as much as he's leading on.

"How long have you been able to use the Force?" He took a few steps closer towards you.

"How long have you been able to use the Force?" You shot back at him.

"If it were up to me, you'd be dead already. I don't see the use in keeping you around, you're too weak, and you don't know the proper ways of your powers yet." He closed the gap between you, "It isn't up to me though, the Supreme Leader is convinced you'll join us." He said. He was massive, he towered over you, giving off such an electric warmth that you felt a bead of sweat drip down the back of your neck. "Stand up." He commanded. You complied, not wanting to make him angry. He grabbed onto your arm and led you through another door.

You entered the throne room, you had seen it a dozen times through his eyes. Snokes' personal guards stood at the edges of the room, standing taller as you entered. Kylo Ren threw you to the ground in front of the throne, kneeling next to you to show his respects to Snoke.

"Rise, child." Snoke motioned to you, "I'm sure my apprentice has told you why I've brought you here?"

You stood up slowly, your wound was hot, and it was making it difficult to speak. "I won't join the First Order." You breathed out. You stood taller, catching your breath to say it again. "I will not join you."

Kylo Ren was quiet at your side, and Snoke gave a long sigh.

"I knew it would be this way." He said, he seemed bored, "But you really don't have much of a choice."

"You'll have to kill me." You said, still trying to hold your ground. You could feel Ren tense beside you, and your feet gave out from underneath you, Snoke pulling you close to his throne.

"Your abilities are far too great for me to do that. You will join us, it may take time for you to realize it, but you will." He said, rising to his feet. His guards sensed his movement and became more alert. You wanted to speak back to him, but you couldn't find the words. "You'll start your training tomorrow." He motioned at the doors to reveal the same troopers who had brought you here. "Take her back to her quarters, she'll need to rest before tomorrow."

You fell back to your knees, wincing at the pressure. The troopers grabbed your arms and pulled you to your feet, walking back out of the room. Kylo Ren stood still in his spot, arms flat against his sides, staring straight ahead as you passed. You glared at him, trying to set him off enough for him to just end it all right here. He gave you no reaction, and as the stormtroopers led you back to your room, you tried to figure out what your next move would be.


	5. Chapter 5

Your new living quarters were closer to the throne room than the med bay you were in, but it wasn't any more spacious, and the window in the door didn't give much privacy. At least the lights turned on and off. There was a wardrobe at the end of the bed, which held more of the basic clothing they had provided to you, a bathroom without a door, but most importantly, it had a window that looked out into space. At least now you might be able to figure out what system you were in. You tried to sleep through the night, but you were restless. Now that they'd told you what your purpose would be while you were there, you realized they wouldn't let you walk away from this alive. Even if you complied, how free would you actually be.

After tossing and turning all night, you decided there was no way you were going to actually get any sleep. You showered, and got dressed, then took some time to meditate. Even though you weren't able to use your power, it was still a good exercise to clear your mind. You wondered what he was doing right now, if he had learned the same exercises that you did. Before you were taken, you were so relieved to not feel him in your head. Yet now, all you wanted to know what he was feeling. When you were close to him, and when he grabbed your arm, you sensed the anger, but that may have just been from his body language. You wondered if he could still feel everything that you were feeling, how you were thinking about him, and how terrified you were of him.

The door flung open, bringing you back to reality. It was a small droid, wheeling in a tray of what looked to be breakfast. Just as quickly as it came in, it left, leaving the food. When you were in the med-bay they didn't bring you food, they gave you everything you needed through the fluids, and you wished it stayed that way now. Whatever they had put onto this tray didn't look edible. It was a mash of different colors, a small piece of bread, and some sort of green drink that smelled like a nerf. You weren't hungry, with the threat of darkness looming over you there was no way you'd be able to eat anything. You pushed the tray back to the door, and resumed your meditation, this time attempting to push every thought of Kylo Ren out of your head.

The day was boring, the droid came back a few hours later to pick up the old tray and drop off a new one. You watched a few TIE-fighters leave the docking bay outside of your window, and you could see one other dreadnought trailing the one you were in. There was no way to tell time other than the meal droid, so you had no idea how long it was until the Stormtrooper entered your room.

"The Supreme Leader is ready for you." He said. You followed him out the door and down the corridor before you arrived at the door of the throne room. It was open and you could see Snoke waiting for you.

"Welcome back. Are you ready to start your training?" He asked, sitting in his ridiculous chair. You didn't answer him, you didn't want to do this. He nodded at one of his guards. They were almost as ominous as he was, their armor solid red, and the weapons they held were almost as tall as you. The guard crossed the distance between you, and grabbed one of your wrists.

"Don't try anything, there's many of us, and only one of you." Snoke warned as the guard released the cuff on one side, then the other. It felt so good for the weight to be off, and you rubbed the skin where they had been. You felt him immediately, the connection was back, but he seemed so far away.

"Now," Snoke exclaimed, snapping you back to the task, "I know you know how to use your power, so I want you to show me what you're able to do." The same guard who released the cuffs stood in front of you with a blade like weapon. It had an electric charge coming from the end, and the guard held it in both hands, ready to swing. "Don't worry, the charge will not kill you, but you may wish you were dead if it hits you." Snoke smirked, "Use the Force to block your opponent."

This was like a game to him, and you weren't going to play. The guard swung the blade, and you let it hit you. It threw you back at least ten feet, and Snoke was right, you wished that would have killed you. The blade, although no physical mark was left, sent a shockwave of pain through your whole body, like poison pulsing through every vein, every muscle fiber. You clenched your teeth until the pain subsided enough that you were able to get back up and face him.

"Now that you realize the torture you will put yourself through, let's try this again." Snoke said, you could tell that he felt he had the upper hand, but you wouldn't give him the satisfaction. This time when the guard swung at you, you pushed the blade away, and then it was on.

This game went on for a while. Snoke sat back and watched, satisfied that he had already been able to control you like this. He motioned for another guard to step forward, and now it was two against one. You were still able to fend them off, but they had worked together before, and knew ways to fight that you didn't.

"Why don't we turn it up just a tad, to raise the stakes?" Snoke mocked, he was trying to break you, so you would do anything he said. The guards readjusted their weapons, and braced again for another fight. This time, it didn't take them long to take you down, and when they did, they had no mercy. It was never ending pain, as they kept hitting you over and over again, until finally, you lost it. Something came over you that you had never felt before, and you screamed out, pushing both of the guards up into the air, and dropping them with enough force to do damage. You stayed on the floor of the throne room, not wanting to see what you had done.

"That, my dear, is the dark side." Snoke said, motioning to the two red guards that laid still twenty feet away. "That's enough for today, take her away." He waved his hand to allow the stormtroopers to enter the room. The trooper placed the cuffs back on you, even though you were still in too much pain to try anything. He picked you up to your feet and dragged you to your quarters.

For the second night in a row, you didn't sleep. You couldn't. The pain was still pulsing through your body, in fact, you screamed through most of the night. It wasn't subsiding, and the wound on your stomach had opened back up, but you didn't care. You wanted to die. The power you felt today scared you, it was pure dark, it dragged you so far down that you didn't realize it was even happening when it did. It was terrifying. You hoped that Ren could feel everything that you were feeling, every ounce of pain that you were going through, after all, it was his fault that you were in this position.

When the droid came in with the breakfast tray in the morning, you were finally beginning to feel normal. You showered and started your mediation, vowing to never let the darkness take over you again.


	6. Chapter 6

The days blurred together, turning into weeks, every single one of them was almost exactly the same. The meal droid would bring trays three times a day, and you refused to eat anything other than the nutrition bar they would bring every few days. You would spend the mornings meditating, trying to figure out a way around the cuffs, and then for a few hours after lunch, they would take you to Snoke, where he had various 'training' exercises for you. You hadn't had another meltdown like you did that first day, and you could tell that it infuriated Snoke, so he made sure to take it out on you.

He was pushing your powers to limits you'd never felt before, and you hated to admit it, but you were learning more in the short time here than you ever did on your own. Even just physically your body was changing, muscles began popping up in places you didn't realize could change. It was draining here, the darkness sucked any good out of the air, it was suffocating. Most days you didn't talk to anyone except for Snoke, none of the crew members would even look you in the eye.

One of the days as you were on your way to the throne room, you overhead a conversation between Snoke and one of the other generals. You'd heard his voice before, and you'd seen him through Ren's eyes. From what you could tell, Him and Kylo Ren didn't get along very well. As General Hux passed you that day in the corridor, he stuck his nose into the air like you were waste on the bottom of his boot. You could tell why he wasn't very well liked.

It was different today, the stormtrooper didn't take you to Snoke until after dinner, and when you arrived in the throne room, there was a small audience. Kylo Ren, General Hux, and a few others stood to Snoke's side. They had been having some sort of meeting before you walk din, but the room fell quiet for a moment as you entered.

"Ahh, there she is!" Snoke exclaimed, "So glad you could join us."

"Do I have any other choice?" You mumbled under your breath. Hux cocked his head to one side, surprised at your blatant disrespect at his supreme leader.

"How do you feel like your training has been going?" Snoke asked, disregarding the sarcasm.

You turned your head to the bruises covering your hands, thinking to all o the ones hidden beneath the clothing, "It's fine."

"I think she's greatly improved from when we first started. I think she may finally be ready to join our forces." Snoke explained to the Generals.

You snorted and rolled your eyes, "I've already told you I'm not joining the First Order."

"Leave us." Snoke waved his hand at the men, "I can see she will need some further convincing." The generals bowed their heads and started to evacuate the room. "Ren, you should stay." He said. Kylo Ren stopped in his tracks, his fists balled by his sides. He didn't want to be here as much as you didn't want to.

"The Force connects you two, I can feel it as much as you can. She is your equal." Snoke said to Ren as he turned to the throne. He was ready to do anything that his leader told him to. "I want you to train her."

Kylo Ren stayed quiet, but his hand gripped the saber on his hip.

"I don't want to be anywhere near him." You interrupted the silent stare between the two men.

"You should start today, so she doesn't lose any progress." Snoke said, ignoring you.

"Yes Supreme Leader." Ren said, and with that, he grabbed you by the arm and led you out the door. The stormtrooper followed as he led you away down the halls. You reached the end of the corridor and through the door was a large empty room, it's what you would be using as a training room.

Already this was the longest you'd spent with him, and you hadn't even begun to do whatever training he had planned. You stood back as he strutted to the middle of the room. You stared at the floor, not wanting to acknowledge him.

"How are you going to fight all the way back there?" He mocked, removing his cape and throwing it to the side.

"I can't do anything with these cuffs on my wrists." You raised your arms, waiting for someone to remove them. He closed the gap between you, grabbing the cuffs and crushing them to bits with ease.

"You're telling me that you couldn't figure out how to remove them yourself? You're that weak?" He was trying to be mean now. When the cuffs were off, your connection returned, it happened every single time, but this time you were in such close contact with him that you could feel his heartbeat in yours.

"I hate this." You said, stepping closer to the window, trying to put some distance between the two of you.

"I don't care. I'm not here for small talk." He said. You wished he would take his stupid mask off, you hated not being able to see his eyes. He turned to face towards you, and with one swift motion, his helmet was on the ground beside his cape. You had forgotten he could hear what you were thinking. "Can you defend yourself?" He asked.

You were empty handed, "With what?"

"Your hands." He rolled his eyes, unsheathing his lightsaber from the holster.

You walked to the center of the room, you weren't sure if you were strong enough to protect yourself against him, but you could feel his unease too. His lightsaber was different than the electric charges you had been fighting. This could actually kill you, so you couldn't let yourself slip up.

"I won't kill you, the Supreme Leader would be too angry." He said, raising his saber. His first swing came dangerously close to your neck, and it wasn't you who had stopped it, "You're going to have to do better than that."  
His next swing you were able to block mid air, and his feeling changed. He had been merely annoyed before that he had to spend his days training some girl, but now that you showed him a small piece of what you were capable of, he was wild with rage. His attacks got quicker, more skilled, he wanted you to know that he was better than you.

He kicked your feet out from under you, and you landed on your rear, his body towering over you. You closed your eyes, and used the Force to put a different image into his mind. This was something Leia had taught you, it was the most nonviolent thing you could do to protect yourself with. You made his surroundings black, so it was just you and him. You weren't on this ship, his lightsaber was gone, and he couldn't figure out how to get out of it.

"Stop that." He said, trying to push you out. It only made it worse. You changed the picture, it was a memory you had, when you saw him for the first time. How are you doing that?" He asked, bewildered.

"Thats when our connection first began, remember how scared you were when you felt my power for the first time?" You teased, pulling yourself to your feet. "You were scared that I would kill you." You were trying to make him feel small, when in reality, you were the terrified one.

"Get out of my head!" He yelled at you, trying to push you to the floor again. You blocked his shove, pushing him backwards instead.

You put a new memory into his head, the one where you started your training. General Leia stood in the background, you could feel the love and pride she had for you radiating from the memory. You turned to look at her, you missed your family so much, and you couldn't wait to be back. You turned the memory off, putting yourself back into black. As you faced him to continue taunting him, he swung the hilt of his saber down, striking your jaw, pushing you out of his head. You were back on the ground again, black spots clouding your vision, and you could taste blood pooling in your mouth.

"Don't ever do that again." He threatened, kneeling over you, waiting for you to try and talk back to him. His eyes were wild with rage, sweat beading on his forehead.

"Okay." Your voice faltered, you were still trying to get your eyes back in focus.

"Take her back to her quarters." Kylo Ren commanded to stormtrooper, "She won't be needing those cuffs anymore, she won't try anything." He pulled his helmet and cape back on, and left the room in a hurry. The trooper stood back, waiting for you to regain your balance. He took you back to your room, and you couldn't help but cry, knowing that there's no way you'd ever get out of this.


	7. Chapter 7

You didn't see Kylo Ren in the days following. You stayed shut in your room, trying to pass the time with anything that you could. He probably had more important tasks than training some girl. If you hadn't already been before, you were definitely going stir crazy now. The window was no help in deciphering which system you were in. Now that you were free from the cuffs, you tried reaching out to everyone you could think of, your friends at the resistance, General Leia, hell, even C3PO would be a welcome sight right now, but nothing would go through. He must still be blocking you, but he wanted the cuffs off for a reason.

You'd heard him talking to Snoke one of the nights. They had been talking about you, Ren was practically begging for Snoke to kill you. He was worried you were too much of a threat, and that the Resistance would surely come after you. Snoke assured him that they wouldn't, and if they did, even better. They talked about a weapon, but before you could get the details, he cut you off again. It's like he wanted you to hear how he hated you.

He was good at keeping you out of places that you shouldn't be. It was like the beginning again when you would get small glimpses through his eyes. You weren't skilled enough to push your way back in. You knew that he was watching every single thing that you were doing, waiting for you to attempt an escape. You wouldn't dare, you'd accepted that you were going to die here.

You showered and gave yourself a once over. The bruise on your jaw was still swelling, and it had turned a nasty shade of black and blue. The older bruises were beginning to turn yellow, and the spots littered your body with a reminder of the torture you were being put through. The wound on your belly was completely healed, and ugly red scar left over. The clothes they had given you when you got here were loose now, falling off around the shoulders and waistband. The couple of months you'd been here were the most challenging you'd ever faced. You couldn't wait until they grew tired and disposed of you.

The door in the main room opening brought you back to reality, and you figured it would be the meal droid, so when you walked into the room and a figure was standing there, you clutched your towel to your chest and raced back into the bathroom so he couldn't see your fragile body.

"What the hell do you want?" You asked, reaching for the pants on the sink. You could see him in the mirror, just standing there.

"I- You need to learn to control your emotions better." He snapped.

You pulled the shirt over your head and stepped into your shoes, "You're one to talk, you're the angriest person I've ever met in my entire life!" You came out of the bathroom, ready to face him head on. "Why did you come in here?" You demanded again.

"It's time for your training." He stated, turning to walk out the door.

"You couldn't have just let one of your minions take me?" You jogged after him, pulling your hair out of your face. Every one of his steps was at least three of yours, so you struggled to keep up.

He led you back to the training room, and opened up a cabinet you hadn't noticed before. You recognized what he held in his hands immediately. It was your lightsaber. It felt so good to have it back in your hands, it gave you a confidence you never realized you had before. You switched it on, the hilt vibrating in your hand, the green light illuminated your face and the room around you. Poe had taken you to find your Kyber Crystal in the first week you were with them, and Leia taught you how to use it, you reminisced on the memory, smiling down at the weapon in your hands.

"Didn't I tell you to stop?" Ren spit, shoving you away.

"I'm sorry, but maybe you should get out of my head!" You yelled back. You turned around, stomping to the middle of the room, ready to get this over with.

"You should channel that rage you feel against me. Use it to fight." He followed you, igniting his saber.

"You're trying to manipulate me into joining you, but it won't work." You rolled your eyes, ready to fight. He swung at you, and you blocked with your lightsaber. It felt so natural, like you'd done this your whole life.

"It would be easier for everyone if you gave in now." He swung again.

You ducked out of the way, stepping a few feet back. You wouldn't entertain the idea. You tried to force the lightsaber out of his hand, but he was too strong. He closed the gap between you, getting close enough to feel the warmth radiating off of him. The blades created a warm glow on his mask, highlighting each and every indentation and minor detail, and yet, you still couldn't see through to his eyes. You were able to push him away again, putting as much distance between the two of you as you could. You continued your fight, you were stronger than you thought. You still couldn't overpower him, but you were able to keep him from taking you down.

—

It went on like this for weeks. Ren would push you to the edge, and then you'd surrender, not allowing the dark side to enter your mind. The longer you practiced with him though, the better you got, and it began to take him longer and longer to take you down. Your powers were changing too, you were stronger, and you could defend yourself solely using the Force.

You were spending hours with Kylo Ren every day, you thought in different circumstances that you may have been friends with him, learning the ways of the Force together. He was more patient now than he was in the beginning, like he actually enjoyed training you, and he wanted you to learn and succeed.

But he was still so much stronger than you were, and your snide comments would get you in trouble a lot more than you liked to admit. One day you teased him about daddy issues and he sent his lightsaber flying into your shoulder blade, not enough to do any major damage, but enough to leave a scar. His head filled with rage as you slumped to the floor, your eyes filling with hot tears, coddling the burnt flesh. He turned and stormed out of the room, and the next day he made sure to take it out on you.

You learned to anticipate his next move, he would take a step to the left, and you'd already have your saber blocking his next swing. The two of you became more and more comfortable with each other, maneuvering like you'd been fighting together your whole lives.

Today was no different than any of the last, you thought. You met him in the training room, and grabbed your lightsaber from the cabinet. It started slow, a few jabs here and there, but it intensified quickly. A TIE-fighter flew past the window and it caught your attention, and he shoved you away.

"Concentrate." He said, moving back into the starting position.

"I am." You growled, lunging towards him again. He ducked out of the way. You swung down, trying to hit his lightsaber from above, and he turned quickly to hit you from the side. You were able to block and defend every move, and you were feeling invincible. He went to grab you by the wrist, when you jumped out of the way, and forced his knees to the floor. Somehow, you were strong enough to keep him there. You forced his lightsaber out of his hand and across the room, then his helmet next, tossing it away so you could stare into his eyes. He was resisting the force, trying to get out of the hold you had him in. You were close enough to him now, that you pushed him onto his back with your foot.

"Okay that's enough." He warned, still resisting, but barely able to move even his fingers. You ignored him, placing your knee on his chest cavity, putting enough of your weight to make his breathing difficult. "I said that's enough, get off!" He yelled.

You put the rest of your weight onto him, you felt his breath hitch in his throat. You drew your saber dangerously close to him, inches away from going through his heart. You could end this all right now. You'd be out of here before anyone knew what happened, and it would be one less thing for the Resistance to worry about. But there was something in your body that wouldn't let you bring the saber down.

"You shouldn't underestimate me." You threatened, your face right above his. You could see fear in his eyes, although his mind was calm, like he had accepted his fate and he was ready to die.

As you raised your saber above your head, an image popped into your mind. A fervent kiss. It startled you, and you shot up off of him and let him out of your hold. It was a quick image, but he had definitely seen it too. Your cheeks turned hot as your heartbeat sped up, and you threw your lightsaber to the ground, turned to the door, and led the stormtrooper back to your room.

That wasn't supposed to happen. You didn't want him like that. In fact, you hated everything about him. You paced back and forth in your quarters, trying to get the image out of your mind. You thought of every other memory you could, hoping he wouldn't see what you had. You closed your eyes, and threw your head into your hands, your fingers pushing on your brows to relieve the pressure you were feeling.

Maybe it was his image. Maybe he had put it into your head to distract you, and it wasn't you who had thought of it. That would make a lot more sense, as you'd never pictured him in that way. He must have been trying to find a weakness in you, and that's the one he chose to try first.

You wanted to gouge your eyes out, how would you ever face him again without it floating to your mind. You should have just killed him, you thought.

Your face was still buried in your palms when the door opened. You peered over the tops of your fingers to see him standing there. His heart was racing, but he had the usual frown on his face. You squinted your eyes at him, challenging him, trying to figure out if he was going to yell at you for such a thought.

Dead silence filled the room, neither of you willing to speak first. The door closed behind him and he took a step towards you. You didn't react, you didn't want to. His dark eyes flashed to your lips, then back at yours to meet your gaze. You could barely breath, you felt like you were suffocating from the tension between you. He took a final step, your face was mere inches from his chest where you'd just tried to bury your lightsaber through. He took your chin in his hand, lifting it up to face him. You bit your lip, trying to figure out if this was some sick dream or an even sicker reality. It was definitely real. Slowly, he leaned down to your level until you could feel his breath on your lips.

You couldn't hold it anymore, you crushed your lips into his, grabbing ahold of his belt to pull him in closer. You never realized how much you hungered for him, and how right his lips on yours felt. His lips were lush, and his tongue brushed against your bottom lip, begging for them to part. You could feel the need in him, and surely he felt it in you.

Although you never wanted it to end, it only lasted a few moments. Ren shoved you off, pulling away, regaining his breath. You couldn't believe that had just happened, that you had just melted into him, when you were trying to kill him only five minutes ago. You sat down on the bed, trying to compose yourself. You could feel the anger rising in him again. He turned to the door and paused.

"Dammit!" He yelled. He slammed his fist into the wall next to the door, bending the metal into the shape of his hand. The door opened, and he stormed out, leaving you to figure out what the hell had just happened.


	8. Chapter 8

All you could think about from that moment on was the way his lips felt on yours. His enormous hands gripping your face, the way his hips sat against yours. You craved to feel it again, even just for a nanosecond.

He had left the ship immediately after, you felt his rage as he boarded his command ship and sped off into space. Stars flashed past your eyes, and the pressure in your head was overwhelming. Finally he blocked you out, and you had your mind to yourself. You felt disgusted in yourself, you weren't supposed to feel these things towards someone who was holding you captive.

You'd been stuck in your room since that night, lots of self reflection to pass the time. You desperately wanted to get out, you could use a mind trick on the stormtrooper at your door, but you knew that he was still listening. You refused to eat, you couldn't even if you wanted to. Anything would have been better than this, even training with Snoke.

It's as if some higher power was listening to you, and soon enough, a storm trooper was escorting you back to the throne room. Snoke had requested your appearance. Once again, the generals were congregated around him as you entered, all except for Hux, and Kylo.

"Welcome back, I've heard your training has been going well?" Snoke asked.

You gave a small nod, you didn't feel like speaking, worried your emotions would show through the tough facade you'd put up.

"General Hux has been preparing something special, and we think that you should watch it from an appropriate view. Why don't you come forward and watch?" Snoke waved for you to join by his side as the men cleared a small space for you. You were timid, but you stepped forward anyway, coming to a stop right beside them. They all turned to face the window, and a planet you'd never seen before came into view.

"This is Starkiller base." One of the men beside you explained. "We'll be demonstrating it today."

The sky began to darken, the core of the planet was burning bright red.

"Our first target, the Hosnian System." The general continued, "We will destroy the Republic!"

Snoke looked to you for a reaction. With the Republic gone, the First Order would be one step closer to controlling the galaxy. You started to panic, trying to reach out to anyone you could to warn them of the imminent danger.

"It's ready." Snoke smiled. You turned, you weren't going to watch, but Snoke had other plans. Your feet fell from under you, and he pushed you into the glass. You tried to close your eyes but you were unable. You watched as the beam travelled through the sky, and you felt the fear from the people in the galaxy as they watched helplessly. It was the largest disturbance you'd ever felt. You could simultaneously see Ren. He had been there to give the order, and now you were watching as he walked through tunnels below the surface.

You could hear the crew cheering, they had done it. Nothing would be able to stop them now, they would have the whole galaxy under their control.

"Your precious Resistance base is next." Snoke stated, grinning at you.

The home you'd left behind so long ago would fall victim to the Order, but you refused to stand idly by. You gathered all the strength you could, and screamed. You used the Force to steal a blaster from from one of the generals, whipping it around and firing right at Snoke. His guards leapt into action, attempting to stop you. You pushed one down, firing into his chest, tripping another along the way. You fired another round at Snoke, but this time, every single beam stopped mid air, the blaster crumbling under the pressure that Snoke was using. He raised you a few feet in the air, and you wriggled to get free, tears falling down your face. Your emotions were all over the place; Anger, fear, sadness. And you realized they were not all your own.

"There is nothing you can do now. The Rebels will soon be dead, and you will have no one." Snoke said, chuckling to himself, he thought it was hilarious watching you fight him. "Feel that rage inside of you, let it fuel your power!"

You screamed at him to let you go, although it came out sounding garbled through your cries. He dropped you to the ground, and you crumbled to a heap on the floor. It felt like all of the energy had been drained from your body, he had taken everything from you.

"I'm done with her. Take her to her room." He told the stormtrooper. The trooper picked you up and dragged you to your quarters. You laid on your bed, lifeless, waiting for the red beam to cross the sky again, destroying your family. You closed your eyes, trying to get one last message out to Leia, to let her know you were sorry you'd let her down.

The ship was silent as the sky darkened again, the core of the planet glowing. You put the rest of your energy into Ren, trying to reach him as a last ditch effort to stop this. You could see him walking through the trees, there was snow on the ground, and he had been shot. You could feel it in your abdomen, in the same spot you'd been shot months ago. He was furious, and he was yelling, although you weren't quite strong enough to hear what he was yelling about.

The crew held their breath collectively, waiting for the execution.

You could hear the buzz of his saber, and his footsteps crunching through the snow. He was searching for someone. And then silence.

Chaos ensued. You could hear people running, a few screams and cries. Stormtrooper fleets ran down the halls, getting into transporter ships. You got up slowly to face the small outside window. You could see it cracking, the core was exploding. It couldn't handle the pressure they had put it through, and it was going to destroy itself. You watched as ships flew to and from the docking bay outside of your window. Starkiller was dying, it had taken everything out, including itself.

He was still hurt, you could feel all of the pain he was feeling. Emotionally and physically he had been damaged. He was still so angry. His master plan was crumbling beneath him, and there was nothing he could do to fix it. You watched through his eyes as he got on his starfighter, and raced back to the Supremacy. You didn't want to watch anymore. You laid back on the bed and allowed yourself to cry for a moment. You tried to block it all out. It felt like your soul had been ripped from your body, there was nothing left to fight for, so you were giving up.

You felt him as he made it back on the dreadnought, he was fading, his wounds too much for his body to handle. He limped off of his ship, and a medical team was waiting for him. Nurses and droids brought him to the med-bay, and started their work on him. You hated watching through his eyes, but something in you needed to know he was going to make it.

You looked towards your door, and noticed your stormtrooper wasn't there anymore. They had probably left in the heat of things. You poked your head out, this could be your chance to leave. No one was watching over you, and he was distracted. You could sneak onto a pod and escape before anyone even knew you were gone. You didn't know where you'd go though, they had destroyed the Resistance, you felt it happen. You couldn't feel Leias' presence anymore, and it broke your heart. You took a step outside of your room, testing the waters. So far, so good. You walked quickly down the corridors, keeping your head low, trying to find your way to the docking bay.

"If you leave, I will find you, and destroy you." He said, talking through your connection. You ignored it, and pressed on. Finally you found yourself staring at a TIE-fighter.

"You can't go to the Resistance now, you have no one." He said, "You need a teacher, and I can show you the ways of the Force. We can be unstoppable."

"I never want to see you again." You spat out, taking a few more steps towards the fighter, and ducking away from a group of troopers.

"Don't leave." He whispered. He was still in a lot of pain. "Please."

The word caught you by surprise, it was an ounce of humanity you'd never seen before coming from him. You paused, a debate inside of you compelling you to stop in your tracks. He put the thoughts of your kiss back into your head, it made you feel exactly the same as it had when it happened.

"Hey! Stop right there!" A voice from the outside world came crashing in. When the stormtrooper grabbed you, you didn't stop him. He led you back to your room, shoving you through the door, and stationed himself outside.

"You told Kylo Ren one thing before you feel asleep that night.

"I hate you."


	9. Chapter 9

You have no clue what came over you, allowing the stormtrooper to lead you back to your room. You wanted to kick yourself, you should have just gotten on that TIE-fighter and left. You could have started over, a whole new life, on a whole new planet. You hated what he had done to you, he had taken everything from you. They would conquer the whole galaxy, and you couldn't stop it.

You could feel Ren healing. You hadn't seen the extent of his damages, but you knew they weren't nice. You hoped they had left him deformed, you wished he would have died back on his stupid base. You couldn't stand the thought of him anymore, and the kiss that you shared repulsed you now.

Things were beginning to get back to normal since the explosion of Starkiller. There were so many more crew members on the Supremacy now that they'd lost their base, so much more chatter out in the halls.

"I'm not going." You pouted, sat firm on the mattress, staring out of your window. Snoke had requested you again, but that was ten minutes ago, and you refused to follow the stormtrooper at your door. You'd made it very clear that you were not leaving this room anytime soon.

"I don't think the Supreme Leader will take 'no' for an answer." He shrugged. You ignored him, closing your eyes in meditation.

Minutes passed after he left your room, allowing you to be by yourself once again. Most of your free time was spent meditating, trying to break through the darkness. The small space you were stuck in wasn't the best for it, but you made do with what you had. You heard the door open again.

"I already told you I won't-" You flipped your head around, and stopped. Ren was standing there, waiting for your fit to be over.

"Are you done?" He asked, the mask disguising his voice.

"I see you're feeling better." You said sarcastically, standing from the bed to assert some sort of dominance.

"Don't you know it isn't wise to anger the person in charge of your life?" He seemed to stare straight through you, but you could tell he was trying to read your emotions.

"Don't you know I want him to kill me?" You mocked back.

"Let's go." He turned to the door, waiting for you to follow. You didn't want to, but your feet had a mind of their own, or rather someone else was making them move. He could feel you resisting. "I will drag you out of here if I have to." He growled, turning back to face you, his fist balled in front of him.

You raised your brow, ready to challenge him.

"I refuse to play this game with you." He placed a hand on your back, and used the other to grab your arm, twisting it behind your back to lead you to Snoke.

He threw you to the ground in front of the throne, your knees smacked the floor.

"I'm growing tired of your defiance!" Snoke yelled. You stood, facing him. "There's no fight left for you!"

You were silent, staring at the floor in front of you. Ren stood beside you, you could feel his heart racing.

"Do you know how many of the galaxies planets have surrendered to us?" He asked, but didn't give you the chance to answer. "We've already won without you. We don't need you!"

"Then why are you trying so hard for me to join your order?" You spit.

"Because you're more powerful than you know. One day, you'll be more powerful than even this one." He pointed his long spindly fingers at Ren. You felt him tense, this must be the first he'd heard about this. "You've been training for so long now, I've heard great reports, now you'll show me what you've learned." One of the red guards presented your lightsaber to you, but when you held it this time, it felt so foreign.

"You'll fight until one of you is dead." Snoke smiled. This was his final plan. Either you would kill Kylo Ren, and he'd get his way, or Kylo Ren would kill you, and then you'd be disposed of. Ren hadn't seen this coming either. You felt his heart drop, just the same as yours had.

"Get to it." Snoke ordered, his guards creating a small circle around the two of you, a ring to keep you close enough to fight.

Ren unsheathed his lightsaber, he didn't care that he had to kill you, you meant nothing to him. You ignited your saber, bracing your feet to the ground, prepared to defend yourself.

You could feel the satisfaction emanating off of Snoke. He was in Rens' head. He lunged first, and the fight began. The two of you danced around each other, just as you had done for the months leading up to this, you could anticipate the others moves before they ever happened. The guards stepped in, the ring becoming smaller. The attacks became more vicious, he was afraid to let down his supreme leader.

You refused to swing first, if he wanted it so badly, then he would kill you. You'd already accepted that much. You blocked his attacks, but he was getting quicker. You spun around him, facing his back. You kicked your foot into the back of his knees, bringing him down. You were trying to break his concentration so you could get into his head, pushing Snoke out. This angered him even more, he let out a yell, standing back up before you were able to get in. He swung his saber at your feet, and when you jumped to avoid amputation, he pulled your feet out from under you, and forced your back to the floor. He towered over you, his power restraining you down. You weren't able to get out of it this time. He lowered himself to the ground beside you, kneeling so he could get closer. His lightsaber was dangerously close to your face, hovering right above you. You felt it burning your cheeks, and you stared into his helmet, unable to see anything but the reflection of a weak girl, ready to die. You closed your eyes, and attempted to put one last image into his mind, the kiss you shared.

His lightsaber clicked off, and the force released.

"You're both children! You heard Snoke yell, "Weak!"

"She needs more training, more time, Supreme Leader." Ren kneeled before his master.

"Leave, before I kill both of you." Snoke said calmly, you wondered if this had been apart of his plan. If he knew that Ren wouldn't go through with it, or if he was just as surprised as you were.

Kylo Ren pulled you to your feet, leading you to your quarters. You didn't know if you should say something, or just stay quiet. You couldn't get a read on his emotions, he was blocking you out. You reached your room, and he pushed you through the door. You were surprised to find him following you in.

The door shut behind him, silence graced the room. Your thoughts were racing, and you couldn't find the right words to say.

He took a step towards you, removing his leather gloves, and caressing the burns on your cheeks. Your breath hitched in your throat.

"Why didn't you kill me?" You whispered, searching for emotion. He stayed silent, his thumb stroking your jawline where he had bruised you so long ago. "Take the mask off." You pulled away, heart skipping beats. You needed to see his eyes. He reached his hands to his face, releasing the helmet, and tossing it to the floor. This was the first time you'd seen his face since Starkiller.

He had a large scar that traveled from above his right brow, down his cheek, and under his clothes. Your small hand cupped his cheek, trying to rub the scar away. His hand covered yours, and he pulled your wrist to his lips. You didn't want to look away from him, he was still so gorgeous regardless of the destruction.

"Who did this to you?" You asked.

"Stop talking." He growled. One hand palmed at the hem of your shirt, the other releasing your wrist and pulling your head close to his. Your lips found each other once again, this time with a hunger you hadn't felt before. You wrapped your arms around his waist, trying to merge yourself into him.

His hands moved to the buttons of your pants, and his fingers worked fervently to undo them.

You pulled your mouth away from his, trying to speak, "We shouldn't-" his mouth finding its way down your neck, "Theres a window-" his kisses trailed your collarbone as he finally got your pants loose. You pushed away from his chest, stopping him from devouring you. "Someone is going to see us."

He paused, his eyes narrowing, searching for a solution. His eyes fell to the small bathroom, there was no door, but it was hidden from the window to the hallway. He looped his fingers through the waistline of your pants, pulling you into the secluded area.

Once inside the bathroom, you lost all volition. He pulled your lips back to his, stealing the air from your lungs. You dragged your hands under his robes, trying to get it off of him as fast as you could. He dropped the cape, then ripped his shirt over his head, revealing the rest of his scar. His fingers found their way back to your waist, shimmying your pants over your hips. You attempted to help, but he smacked your hand out of the way, he want dot do it on his own. He pealed them down, kneeling as he did, planting kisses along your exposed belly.

You'd never lusted over someone like this, never wanted something so badly, and you'd never been more grateful for the birth control implant in your arm. He picked you up by your hips, placing you gracefully on the sink. You kicked your boots off, finally freeing yourself from your pants. His lips crushed yours once again, and a fire ignited in your belly. You pushed yourself against him, practically begging him to ravage you. He pulled your shirt over up over your head, and just stared. He was looking you up and down, and your face burned in embarrassment.

"Don't do that." He said, his fingers tracing the hem of your underwear. He reached to your back, intricately undoing the clasps of your bar. He was surprisingly good at it, only taking him a second to undo it. You let the straps fall off your shoulders, exposing your breasts. He was still fully clothed from the waist down. He had seen practically every inch of your body, and you'd barely grazed the surface of his. He didn't waste another second, he unbuckled his belt, then the button on his pants, pushing them down to his ankles. You watched his erection fall close to your thigh, and you couldn't help but gasp, it was larger than you imagined. His lips pecked at the skin on your clavicle, light flutters over your entire body. He pulled your underwear down your thighs, and flung it to the side. One of his hands moved to your breast, running his fingers over your hardened nipple.

This was actually happening. You were about to let Kylo Ren, the man who kidnapped you and has been holding you hostage, ravage your body into oblivion. You were desperate for him, you needed him at that moment.

He could feel your longing for him, you heard a low chuckle from him. You pushed yourself to the edge of the sink, grinding yourself against him. He held his cock, guiding it towards you. He swirled the tip across your slit, almost like a warning. You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer, eliciting a low groan from the back of his throat. The hand that wasn't preoccupied by your breast fluttered across your belly, his thumb reaching for your clit, circling the tender spot. You threw your head back, mouth agape, trying not to cry out on pleasure.

Finally, he pushed his full length into you, it was the release you needed. Your nails dug into his back, closing the distance until the was buried deep inside of you. You bit your lip, a small whine coming from your mouth. This ignited a fire within him, and he began to pound into you. Your walls swelled around him, and you bucked your hips into his, trying to match his rhythm. This only made him drive into you faster, with more passion than ever.

You were so close, and you could feel it in him too. He pulled you off the sink, the air escaping your lungs. Your legs were going numb with pleasure, you wouldn't last much longer.

"Cum for me." He whispered into your ear between his grunts.

You cried out, milking every last bit of his warmth that filled you. Your orgasms were matched, your connection making this ten times better than when apart. You couldn't unwrap yourself from him, soaking in every second you could. He pushed you back onto the sink, one last thrust throwing you over the edge. Your limbs shook, and he crashed his lips into yours, steadying himself onto you.

He pulled out, releasing you from his grasp. You were stuck sitting on the sink, unable to control your legs still. He pulled his clothing back on swiftly, in silence, while you caught your breath. He was fully dressed, minus the helmet, in under a minute.

You slid yourself off the sink, searching for where he had tossed your underwear.

"You should shower. I have business to attend to." He said, stepping out of the bathroom to reach his helmet.

"Oh, okay." You said, your brow furrowed in confusion. "So we're just not going to talk about that, right?"

He was silent, standing in front of the door, ready to leave.

"Oh, yeah, okay, that's fine. Snoke's going to kill us anyways so it doesn't even matter." You shrugged, you were annoyed now. You turned the shower on, and pulled a towel out of the cabinet. You heard the door open, then close, and you felt him leave the area.

Great, he used you. He fucked you in your prison cell, and then left. And now you're showering off all of the evidence that it ever happened, and after this, you'd be killed. What a great way to end your unsuccessful life.

You finished your shower, curled yourself into a ball on your bed, and cried. You weren't sad, but you were angry, and there was absolutely nothing you can do to help yourself.


	10. Chapter 10

You awoke with a jolt, adrenaline running through your veins, you couldn't stop replaying the night in your head. At first, you thought maybe it had been a dream, but the soreness between your legs screamed otherwise. He had left a trail of love bites on top of your breasts, an embarrassing reminder. You got out of bed, pulling a new set of clothes out of the cupboard. You washed your face and brushed your teeth, trying to brush the feeling of his tongue out of your mouth. You returned to the bed, and sat, waiting for whatever was coming next.

Snoke had to have known by now. If he was in Rens' head then he knew, and now all that was left was for him to kill you for seducing his apprentice.

Ren almost killed you yesterday for Snoke, and he probably would have if you had fought back a bit harder. Maybe he wanted to kill you while he was fucking you, and it was just a way for him to get his frustrations out.

You stared out the window into the never ending space, they'd probably dump you out there like a piece of trash. You wondered if the stormtrooper guarding your door knew what had happened last night, although you didn't see him standing there when you entered the room, and you didn't notice him again until this morning. Ren probably compelled him to leave, he was smart enough to cover your asses from prying eyes.

"Let's go." The stormtrooper said, snapping you from your daydream.

You stood, taking a deep breath, maybe one of your last. You followed him to the throne room, your heart was racing.

Snoke sat on his giant chair, devoid of all emotion. His guards tensed as you entered. General Hux stood next to Snoke, arms crossed behind his back, face smug as you entered the room.

"Good, we've got business to discuss." Snoke started, "General Hux was just explaining to me the logistics of Starkiller, despite its failure, we've risen to the top."

"I heard you were able to watch from the best view in the house?" Hux smiled at you, taunting.

"I watched you blow yourself up." You raised a brow at him to challenge his authority.

His face fell to a scowl, "Well then I'm sure you saw what we did with your friends on D'Qar?"

You stayed silent, his words confirming your worst thoughts. They turned to look at each other, and have a silent exchange.

"Anyways, the reason I've brought you here today." Snoke continued, "General Hux's army has been one of the most successful of our time. I'm allowing him to take the lead on your training."

"General Hux blew up an entire planet, I'm not very confident in his skills." You expressed. You listened as you heard footsteps approaching from behind, and you recognized them immediately. Ren came to a stop beside you, head bowed at his leader, you refused to look at him though.

"Enough." Hux said, "I will allow Commander Ren to continue to train you for the time being, but you will report to me now." He demanded.

"Do you understand?" Snoke looked on at you. You nodded.

"Where are her cuffs?" Hux interjected, drawing attention to your empty wrists.

"She doesn't need them anymore." Ren spoke for the first time upon entering.

"I don't think that decision is up to you." Hux peered at Ren, "Replace them immediately." He ordered a stormtrooper, and the trooper appeared with them immediately. "Turn them up too, I don't want her trying to use her powers at all."

"That's not necessary." Ren said again, but stood to the side as the trooper placed the cuffs back onto you.

"Commander Ren, It isn't up to you anymore. You're reporting to General Hux now." Snoke yelled. You could feel Rens' unease.

"Leave us now. Your training can resume." Hux said, waving you off, "And Commander Ren, I'll expect a full report at the end of the day."

Ren bowed his head, then turned to leave, as you trailed behind him. You walked back to the training room, reluctant to be alone with him.

"I won't be able to remove those ones." He said.

"Whatever." You rolled your eyes at him, and planted yourself on the ground. You didn't want to fight today, you didn't want to do anything.

"They might suspect something if I do." He continued, removing his cape from his shoulders, and draping it over the cabinet.

"I don't care." You closed your eyes, trying to ignore him. You tried to reach out, but instead, received a shock from your bracelets, "What the hell?" You asked, coming to your feet.

"Every time you try to use the Force, it's going to get worse." He explained, standing back, watching you struggle to pull them off.

"I wasn't even doing anything!" You shook your wrists, but it was no good.

"Meditating is the same as using your powers." He shrugged.

"I hate you." You snarled at him.

"It didn't seem like it last night." He said, pulling his helmet from his face. You hated looking into his eyes, so you turned from him.

"That can't happen again. It was a mistake." You grumbled.

"Fine." His voice was soft

"Fine."

—-

"What is wrong with you?" Ren said, after getting you to the floor for the fifth time that day. "Get up and fight!"

The constant shocks over the last few weeks, and the fact that you were on a hunger strike wasn't helping your abilities to stand up for yourself.

"I'm fine." You sighed, pulling yourself back up and dusting off your pants, "Can we just stop today. I'm too tired." You hadn't spoken to him much after that day, you didn't want to say anything more than you needed to.

"No. I know you can do better than this. Take me down." He ordered. You mumbled under your breath at how annoyed you were, then brought your lightsaber up again.

He was quickly closing in on you again, and you weren't able to defend yourself. Your reflexes took over, and you tried to push him back with the Force. The shocks through your body made you crumble to your knees, and you stopped breathing momentarily as you clutched your head. The shocks were so high now that they were debilitating.

He stood back, watching you, and when you looked up at him, you could see the pain on his face. Hux knew what he was doing when he placed these cuffs on you, he hated Kylo Ren just as much as he hated you.

"I'm done with this!" You yelled, rushing to your feet and stomping out of the room. Although you still had a guard at your door, you didn't require someone to walk you back every day. You got to your room, and laid down on the bed, the lunch tray still sitting next to the door from before your training. All you wanted to do was sleep.

The door slid open, and you rolled over to see Ren standing there.

"I don't want the lecture. Leave me alone." You growled.

"You're not eating." He slid the tray a few inches with his boot. You sat up in bed, your vision blurring from getting up too fast.

"I don't like the food." You rolled your eyes.

"You sound like a child." He said. His dark hair was framing his face, and he was staring intently.

"Can I help you with something?" You asked, standing, slower this time. Other than training, this was the longest you'd spent with him. You couldn't help but flash your eyes to his lips, you remembered what he had tasted like that last time you kissed. You watched a smile creep across his face.

Before you knew it, your back was pushed up against the wall, and his lips were pressing against yours. You melted into him, his hands holding you steady. His teeth grazed your bottom lip, tugging away from you. He placed his forehead on yours while you steadied your breathing.

"I'm sorry." He said, so gently.

"That's not allowed." You said, pushing him away from you.

He met your gaze, and you could see the frustration in his face. "What am I supposed to do when that's what you're always thinking about?"

"Oh trust me, I am not always thinking about kissing you!" You threw your arms up at him. "How unbelievably conceited do you have to be to think that I'm always thinking about kissing you?"

"That's what you were thinking about just now." He accused

"Honestly, I'd think about anything that you wanted to get the hell out of here." You snapped, "If General Hux wanted me to think about his dick to get out of here and away from you, I would think about that!"

He narrowed his eyes at you, and pursed his lips. You'd struck a nerve. "You have to eat something." He changed the subject.

"Don't tell me what to do, you're not my dad, sorry you never listened to yours!" You pushed him back again, putting more distance between you. An invisible hand gripped your throat, cutting off your airway, and you struggled against it. He forced you back against the wall again, and got in your face.

"I killed Han Solo." He said, searching for dismay, "And I will kill you too."

You were struggling to stay conscious, your hands pulling at the force around your neck, and finally, he let go.

"Stay here. I've got to speak with Snoke." He commanded

"Yeah, don't worry, I don't really have a choice in the matter." You coughed, and rolled your eyes again at him, you wondered how many times you'd done that to just this one person.

Ren turned on his heel, and left the room. You were left alone again, he had kissed you, then left. You wished that he hadn't


	11. Chapter 11

The meal droid came while you were showering the next morning, and when you entered the main room to find the tray sitting on the ground, you were surprised with the contents. It was actual food, not the mash that they usually served. A piece of fruit, some eggs, oats, and most importantly, coffee. You hadn't had any of this the entire time you'd been here, and the coffee smelled so good. You took a sip, and the warmth entered your belly, and immediately felt like it had restored your soul. You ate quicker than you ever had before, you were so hungry, and the food on this tray was so well prepared. You knew that he had done this, but it didn't mean you forgave him. You wouldn't give in that easy.

After you had devoured everything, you changed, and prepared for your training. You threw your hair into a braid, and admired how long it had gotten since you'd been here. The view out your window today wasn't any different than the others, you watched the transporter ships entering and exiting the docking bay, waiting for the trooper to let you know it was time, except he never did.

You waited and waited, but he never left his post. You gave up for the day, you guessed this would be a pattern with Ren. He'd do something super sweet, and then disappear. You laid down in the bed, calling it a night. You were almost asleep when the door opened.

"Get up." Ren demanded.

"Don't you know how to knock?" You mumbled, pulling the blanket up over your face.

"Let's go." He said, there was an urgency in his voice. You kicked the blanket to the floor, and got up and stretched. He grabbed you by your outstretched arm, and pulled you along down the hallways.

"Hey! That hurts, stop!" You pulled your arm away, and he continued to walk. "You're a few hours too late to train." You pointed out.

"We're not training, can you walk faster?" He said. You jogged to keep up with him. You were walking away from the throne room, so you couldn't be meeting with Snoke. You realized you were walking towards the docking bay. You sped up so you were side by side with him. Crew members quieted and stood against walls as the two of you passed, they were afraid of him, if only they knew what he was like in private.

His command ship was stationed in the middle of the bay, free of any obstacles. Two engineers stood at the bottom of the ramp, and they stood to attention as Ren entered the ship. They didn't follow you on board, it would be just the two of you traveling.

"Sit." He commanded as he flipped levers and pushed buttons on the control board to start the ship. His fingers worked with ease to make sure everything was running perfect prior to takeoff. You sat in the passenger seat, pulling the harness over your chest. He turned to you, and grumbled below his breath, he was annoyed that it was taking you longer than he thought it should have. He buckled the harness into place swiftly, then sat himself in the seat next to you, and pulled back on the accelerator. This was the nicest ship you'd ever been on, presumably a lot more expensive than the Resistance could afford. The ship lurched forward, out of the docking bay. This was the first time you'd left the Supremacy in half a year, and already you felt the relief.

The shuttle was early quiet, you stared down at your hands, tensions rising inside of you. You couldn't take it anymore.

"Where are we going?" You snapped

"Just be quiet." The synthesizer in his mask making him sound angrier than he should have been.

"I think you owe me at least that much." You scoffed.

"I don't owe you anything! I saved your life back there!" He yelled, bringing his fist down onto the edge of the control board. Your destination was still unknown to you.

'You didn't have to.' You said to yourself in your head, trying to avoid any further confrontation with him.

"You don't understand anything." He said, shaking his head. He sent the ship into light speed, forcing your head back into the seat.

"Then make me!" You threw your hands into the air, "And take your stupid helmet off, its ridiculous."

He ignored you, and flipped a switch on the board, sending the ship into autopilot. He crossed his arms, and sat back in his seat, letting out a deep sigh. The seatbelt felt suffocating, you fumbled with the clasp, trying to get it off.

"Just relax." He said.

"No! You relax! Why don't you have to wear one of these?" You finally unclipped the belt, pushing yourself out of the seat, "I am just as strong as you are!"

Ren stood to face you, and removed his helmet, setting it in his seat. You walked towards the back of the ship, attempting to put as much distance as you could between the two of you. He stared at the empty space you had just left.

You could feel the anger rising in you, and you tried to suppress it before the cuffs began to shock you. They sent you to your knees, you were struggling to keep from screaming. You felt him in front of you, and he leaned over so he was closer to you. He grabbed your wrists, and crushed the cuffs once again. His body heat was overwhelming, and you pulled away from him. You didn't want him to touch you, to even look at you.

"Hux wants you dead." He explained, "I got you out of there so Snoke can't execute you."

"I didn't want to go anywhere with you." You lied. Your heartbeat quickened. He could feel it in your chest, and he tenderly laid his hand over it. You pulled away again, fearful that the innocent touch might turn into something more.

"I could have left you there!" He retaliated.

"It would have been better than being stuck here with you! Why'd you kiss me yesterday?" You spit.

"I already told you, I thought that's what you wanted." He said.

"Why would I want that?!" You waved your hands in disbelief. "You literally have kidnapped me twice now!"

"I did not kidnap you this time. Snoke gave me permission to train you elsewhere." He crossed his arms across his chest.

"Did you tell Hux? You know he's not going to be happy about this." You teased. You knew that bringing up Hux was a sore spot for Ren.

"I don't have to report to that imbecile." He spit.

"Whatever, it's your funeral." You said, you were calmer now. You took a deep breath, and straightened out your clothes. You could see the anger in his face, and he turned back to the cockpit, stomping away from you. You slowly followed, and lowered yourself back into your seat. After a long moment of silence, Ren took the ship out of light speed, and flipped the autopilot off to control the ship himself. You realized the planet you'd been staring at was one you'd been on before. You were starting to hate this place.

"I don't get what's going on." You stated, "What's so special about Naboo anyways?"

He ignored your question, focusing on landing instead. You settled into your seat, pouting. You couldn't wait to get off of this stupid ship.


	12. Chapter 12

Ren landed the ship with ease in the middle of the capital city, Theed. It had been on the outskirts of town that Ren had taken you, but you doubted your ship was still there. You wondered how long it took the Resistance to pick up BB-8. Thinking about your family brought tears to your eyes, but you wiped them away before he could see.

Stormtroopers were waiting for you on the ground, lined up, and ready for Kylo Ren to exit the ship.

"Just because we're away from Snoke, doesn't mean that you've won." Ren said, killing the ships engine.

"Got it." You muttered. Snoke had already made that pretty clear when he blew up a bunch of planets.

Ren strutted to the back of the ship, stopping at the ramp, waiting for you to follow. You got up and stormed out before he could. The stormtroopers raised their blaster, just in case you had somehow managed to overpower Ren, and now they were next. Your feet touched the lush earth, and you were so thankful to finally be on solid ground, regardless of your reputation here. The troopers lowered their weapons as Ren stepped out of his ship. They parted as he walked past them, and they followed in two straight lines behind him.

You jogged to catch up as they walked through the arches to enter the city. The architecture here was beautiful. They kept walking as you admired buildings you hadn't seen before. They turned left, entering the courtyard to the palace. Of course you were heading into the palace.

You followed Ren and his troopers through the courtyard, leading directly into a foyer. The ceilings were at least three stories high, and multiple crystal chandeliers hung from them. You continued through the foyer into the next open room. This one was a sort of throne room, much less menacing than the one that Snoke sat in. You noticed the six strangers standing to the side of the room, and they bowed as Ren entered, waiting for his next command. He stopped in the middle of the room, his troopers finding their places against the walls. He looked around the room, as if looking for imperfections in the way the palace was built. You couldn't help but look around too, it was so extravagant. It was silent as they waited for him to give the okay.

"Leave us." He finally said after what seemed like eons. The waitstaff quickly left the room, presumably to finish whatever chores had been placed upon them. The troopers stood flat against the walls, not leaving their posts. Ren made his way towards the stone throne at the end of the room. "Snoke wanted to destroy this place when we first took control. He said it housed too much light." He trailed off, he had reached the stairs leading up to the chair. He turned back to face you, yet it seemed like he was staring through you. You watched his chest rise and fall with each breath. His demeanor was so calm, though his helmet shrouded the emotion on his face.

You turned to face the foyer again, you wondered how far you could make it through the doors before someone were to take you down. You wondered how many times you could be shot on this planet, and which one would finally be your last. You hadn't been outside in so long, so the few minutes that you had been before entering the palace made you crave the fresh air even more. You heard his footsteps behind you, a warning that he would be the one to stop you if you tried to leave. His fingers gazed your elbow, turning you to the left side of the room.

"Let's walk, I'll show you to your room." He said. You nodded your head and followed as he exited the throne room. His strides were more relaxed this time, and you didn't have to run to keep up. He led you up a flight of stairs, and through a few corridors in silence until you couldn't take it anymore.

"So you never did say what was so special about this place." You asked, trying to get s rise out of him.

"You don't think it's special?" He asked, his synthesizer gave the slightest hint of a smirk.

"Don't get me wrong, this place is absolutely stunning, but the last time I was here, I got shot, and the time before that I..." You trailed off. That was the first time you'd seen Ren through your connection. "Why did you bring me here? This seems like the last place you'd bring a prisoner."

He stopped in his tracks, and you ran into the back of him.

"You're hardly a prisoner at this point." He turned towards you as you regained your balance.

"I think the fact that I'm not allowed to leave, that you have someone watching me every single moment of every single day, and that Snoke is expecting me to join the First Order when we're done here definitely makes me a prisoner." You looked at him in disbelief.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He shrugged his shoulders and turned back around, continuing down the hallways. He was messing with you now. You folded your arms across your chest, but followed him again anyways. He slowed as he reached the end of the hallway, a large door to the right of him. "This is your room." He opened the doors, revealing the most luxurious room you'd ever seen. A huge bed sat against the far wall, and a seating area across from that. You could see a bathroom through an archway on the wall closest to the door. But the best part about the room, was the balcony. You almost didn't see it at first, emerald green curtains covered the walls, but the wind blowing through them gave you a peak at the outside world beyond the walls and windows.

You entered the room, stunned at the size of it. Back on D'Qar at the Resistance base you had a tent, and on the dreadnought you had barely a room. There's no way you'd ever need this much space. He had stopped just inside of the door, leaning against the frame, "This is where the queen of Naboo would stay." He paused, his hands reaching to release his helmet. His hair cascaded down the sides of his face, and you noticed a small braid to one of the sides that you hadn't noticed before. "My grandmother was queen here for a short time."

You opened the curtains to the balcony, breathing in the fresh air. The room you were in overlooked a field and a small lake. You knew who his grandmother was, Leia had told you about her before, she was also a senator for the republic. If she could see her grandson on the opposite side, well...

"I don't mind if you explore the grounds. The palace is huge, its easy to get lost. There's another courtyard below us that's home to a beautiful garden." He acted as if he'd given this speech a thousand times, but he straightened up, and got a serious look on his face. "I shouldn't have to tell you this again, but do not leave the grounds. Snoke wasn't lying when he said we're in control now, he has troops doing patrols throughout the entire system." He stepped close to you, "I can protect you in here, but once you step outside of those walls, they will not hesitate to take you down." He warned.

You nodded your head in understanding, his closeness a crushing weight against you. He smiled and brought his hand to your face, wiping a strand of hair from your cheek. He was so good at switching up emotions. One minute, you could feel the hate in him, and the next all you could feel was the intensity to morph yourself into him.

He stepped away, "I'm sure dinner will be served shortly. I'll send a handmaiden up to escort you. In the meantime, help yourself to anything you need." He gave you a small nod and returned the helmet to his head. He exited the room, leaving you to get acclimated to your new surroundings.

You stood near the doorway for a moment, trying to get your bearings and figure out if this was all for you, or if it was some sick joke and reality would come crashing down any moment. You grounded yourself in the room, tracking each breath to make sure they were even and rhythmic. Every time Ren touched you were thrown for a loop. Once you were sure he wasn't going to burst back in the room and pull you from this fever dream, you began to explore. The first thing you did was move all of the curtains out of the way, the velvet was cool under your fingers, and when you pulled them to the side, it revealed a wall of glass. The doors to the outside were slightly open, enough for a light breeze to grace you. You swung them open wider, and stepped out into the sun and fresh air. The balcony was the length of the room, and it was covered in vines and flowers that smell divine.

You were only a few stories high, but you felt like you were on top of the world. You returned to the inside of the room, and made your way to the bed. The sheets and quilt looked like they'd been handcrafted for the gods, the stitching was made with a gold thread. You lowered yourself onto the mattress, and sunk in. This was by far the most comfortable bed you'd ever been in. 'Fit for a queen.' You whispered to yourself.

You walked past the seating area into the bathroom. A large tub was placed in the middle of the floor, stained glass windows projecting colors onto the cool stone pool. There was a vanity with a mirror to one side, and another doorway to the other. The closet was filled with the most extravagant outfits you'd ever seen; feathers and lace and everything in between sat in the closet. You couldn't imagine walking around in some of these things, and for the first time, you were grateful for the basic clothing the First Order had provided you with.

"Ma'am?" A small voice said from the doorway of the bathroom. You jumped and turned around, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." She apologized, lowering her head as if she expected you to chastise her.

"No, It's fine!" I was just wondering who in the hell would ever wear these things." You laughed, trying to break the tensions. You recognized her as one of the girls you'd seen when you entered the throne room.

"I'm here to escort you to the dining hall." She smiled, relieved you weren't upset at her.

You grinned, ready to see more of the palace. She turned to leave and you followed behind her. You didn't want her to be afraid of you, she should know that you weren't the bad guy. "What's your name?" You asked

"Tika, ma'am." She said.

"It's nice to meet you." You smiled, and introduced yourself to her. You stuck your hand out for her to shake. She gave a small grin, and timidly grabbed your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

Maybe you were stuck here, but if there's one thing the Resistance taught you, is that you're never alone if you don't want to be.

Tika led you along through the palace, every once in a while spouting a fact about the architecture and the history of Naboo and the royal families that had lived here. Finally you arrived to the dining hall. Tika stopped at the door, and gave you a small nod. You smiled back, a small gesture to let her know you'd see her later. The door swung open, revealing the table that had been made for at least twenty people to sit at. Only two places were set, the two ends of the table and you took the seat closest to you. It gave you a view of the gardens, and the setting sun. A handmaiden came from the kitchen to fill your glass, you assumed they were waiting for Ren to grace the room before they served the meal. Finally after a few minutes of picking at your fingers, you heard him enter the room. The waitstaff bowed their heads as he entered. He walked past you slowly, stopping at the other end of the table, while a handmaiden pulled his seat out for him. He was dressed more casual than before, a sweater instead of the robes, and no helmet or gloves.

"You should stand when a commander enters the room. Didn't your mother teach you proper etiquette?" He said, before pulling himself close to the table. The staff started to bring out the food.

You squinted your eyes at him, he was going to be an ass again. "For one, you're not my commander. And two, no, my mother didn't teach me anything." You picked up your fork, and imagined stabbing it into his eye, "Because she's dead." You added.

He already knew that, he was just saying it to strike a nerve. You could see it in his face, he enjoyed making you angry. Instead of into this eye, you stabbed your fork into the food on your plate. You pushed the food around the plate, waiting for him to finish so you could leave. You didn't want to talk to him, you were tired of him playing with your emotions. You knew that he was putting on a show so you'd join his forces.

"You're still not eating." He said, motioning towards the plate.

"Yeah, I'm not really hungry." You set your fork down, resting your chin in the palm of your hand on the table.

"Fine, starve, I don't care. Easier for me to take you down." He snapped

"Listen," You shot up out of your chair, "this isn't about you okay? I'm allowed to not be hungry!" You yelled

He sat there in silence, amazed that you dare raise your voice at him.

"Fine." He smiled, and continued eating his meal. You calmed yourself, and plopped back down in your chair, waiting for him to finish.

Finally he was done, and the waitstaff cleared the table. "You can go now." Your clothes will be in your room by the time you get back. I expect you can get there yourself?" He asked, raising to his feet. You nodded your head, you couldn't wait to get out of his vicinity. He shrugged his shoulders, giving you the signal to leave.

You turned on your heel, and practically ran out of the dining room, trying to rush back to the room. You made it back easily enough, and closed the doors behind you. The bed was calling your name, just waiting for you to sink into it. You threw your clothes to the ground, not wanting any barriers between you and the silky sheets. Just as you imagined, the bed pulled you in deep enough that you never wanted to leave. This was going to be the best nights sleep you ever had. Now if only you could stop thinking about Kylo Ren.


	13. Chapter 13

The sound of running water woke you from your slumber, you sat up in the bed, the morning sun peeked through the windows. You peered into the bathroom, and Tika was there drawing a bath.

"I'm so sorry ma'am, I didn't mean to wake you." She apologized.

"No, it's fine!" You said, stretching your arms out in front of you, "You don't have to wait on me though, I can do these things by myself." You didn't want to sound ungrateful, but you weren't used to others doing everything for you like you were royalty. You wrapped the sheet around you to get out of the bed and walked to the bathroom door.

She turned the bath off, but continued to bustle around the room grabbing towels and vials of soaps. "Master Ren has a bath drawn every morning. I shouldn't have assumed you would want the same." She hung her head in shame.

"Wait, you're telling me that Kylo Ren takes a bubble bath every morning?" You stifled a laugh, the thought of him doing something so calm and trivial never crossed your mind. "Does someone wash his hair for him as well?" You chuckled.

You could see the amusement on Tikas' face, though she tried to hide her smile. "No ma'am, he does that by himself." She turned to set a pair of fresh clothes out for you.

"You don't have to call me ma'am, just call me by my name. We're friends now." You smiled at her, and dipped your toe into the hot water.

She finished folding the towel in her hand and placed it on the vanity next to you. "Okay." She grinned, "When you're finished, breakfast will be served in the dining room."

"Sounds great, I'll see you later." You said. She bowed her head and rushed out of the room, leaving you to the steaming tub.

You hadn't taken a bath in ages, your cell on the first order was equipped with a shower that barely ran above warm. You dropped the sheet and stepped into the tub. The warmth enveloped you, and you sunk all the way to your chin. You didn't realize how tense your muscles were, the water instantly calmed them. Although you could sit in the tub forever, you didn't think Ren would wait all day for you. You took your pick of the bottles Tika had set out for you, choosing the best smelling soap you could.

You were grateful for the clothing the First order had provided you, as you were getting dressed you peeked into the closet again, shaking your head at the practicality of some of the stuff in there. Just from the comfortable sleep, and the hot bath, you already had a glow you hadn't seen in months. If you hadn't been able to feel him in your head every single moment of every single day then you might have been able to convince yourself that you were on a vacation.

You figured you better not keep him waiting, you didn't want him to storm into your room, demanding you to follow him... or do other things. You rolled your eyes at the thought.

You made it to the dining room easy enough, but he wasn't there yet. You would be the one waiting on him. Your meal was already placed in front of your chair. Maybe you wouldn't be eating with him, you wondered. You dug in, finally realizing how starved you were since you could finally relax. You could see out the window that the day was beautiful. As you admired the skies, you heard him enter the room. His steps were softer today, maybe he was in a better mood. He passed by you in silence, seating himself at the other end f the table. He was again, dressed more casual than he ever would be on the dreadnought. He waited quietly for his food, he hadn't even looked at you. You waited for him to take his first bite before you spoke.

"How was your bath, Master Ren?" You smirked.

He choked on his bite, and his face blushed slightly, but his eyes were like daggers into yours. He ignored you, and after a moment of glaring, he returned to his bowl. No rude comments from him today. The two of you finished your meal in silence, as you awaited your fate for the day. Maybe he didn't bring you here to train, he probably just wanted to get away from Hux. Or maybe he was going to kick your ass in training, and you were going to hate your life more than you ever did on that ship. You sat back in your seat, staring at the rising sun outside, waiting for him to tell you what was next.

"How did you sleep?" He finally asked, breaking your trance.

"Fine." You replied, you were already daydreaming about getting back under the sheets of your bed.

"I hope you're well rested, we have work to do." He stood from his chair, and walked over to yours. You thought he was going to walk past you, but instead, he stopped at your end of the table, and pulled your chair out for you. "Come on." He said.

You followed quietly as he walked through the palace. You could usually tell what sort of mood he was in, but his emotions were all over the place today. He kept his hands behind his back, twiddling his thumbs as he walked. You couldn't help but imagine what he could do with those hands. You felt your cheeks get warm, but if he had known what you were thinking of, he didn't give it away. He led you through the throne room and down a few flights of stairs to another door. When he pushed through it, you were thoroughly surprised that it led to the outside world. You were in the field that your balcony overlooked, and now that you were standing in it, it seemed so much larger. The two of you followed a stone pathway out to a small grouping of trees next to the lake.

He lowered himself to the ground, waiting for you to follow suit. You plopped down next to him, the long grass caressing your arms, filling you with life.

"Just, do whatever it is that you do when you meditate." He said, closing his eyes to begin. You studied him, watching as his face relaxed, and he tried to channel whatever it was that he did. "I can feel your eyes on me, which means you're not doing it." He caught you.

"Okay, fine, sorry." You mocked, assuming the pose and closing your eyes. You couldn't imagine that he was reaching out the same Jedi that you were. You reached for the light. He must try to channel everything bad in the galaxy; Death, and darkness, and the Sith.

This was the best environment for meditation you'd been in for months, and yet, it was impossible to concentrate. You tired to push past the fact that you were sitting right next to Ren, but you just couldn't. You gave up, and threw yourself onto your back, landing in the flowers, staring up at the sky.

"Okay, now I know you're definitely not trying." He sighed

"I can't. You're too close, and too negative." You explained, pulling a blade of grass out of your hair, and holding it up to the sky as if to attempt to block the sun from your eyes with it. You turned your head to another small tree not too far away. "Look, I'll go right there, and we can do our things, and I won't have to be so close to you."

He glanced at the other tree, then back at you. You felt him scan your body as you laid in the grass, searching for a sign of deception that once you were just out of his reach you'd try to escape. Lucky for him, you didn't believe that there was such a thing as being out of his reach. You were sure that your connection could stretch across a thousand galaxies. "Okay." He finally said.

"Okay." You said, jumping to your feet. You jogged over to the other tree, and found a soft spot to sit. It was great, you could still obviously feel him, but this was better.

You wanted to prove to him so bad that you could be a good Jedi. You hadn't been able to feel much of anything in months, especially with the cuffs the last couple of weeks. It was hard to channel the light in such a dark place, but now, you could feel it surrounding you. You closed your eyes and began, grounding yourself with the palms of your hands. You could feel the flowers growing, and the planet was alive. Your body instantly began to heal, the anger from being held prisoner was leaving your soul slowly, making room for the Force. You were feeling stronger, more invincible.

You did everything that Leia had taught you. Your mind subconsciously searched for answers you didn't know you needed, asking all of the Jedi before you to answer. You tried reaching out to her, you wanted to hear her voice just one more time, for her to tell you that everything would be alright. You wouldn't give up on the Resistance, you couldn't, she had taught you better than that.

You dove deeper into your meditation, still trying to reach her. You felt like you were so close to her, but then you'd lose her again, like a dying flame. "Please." You whispered, hoping to push through.

And then you felt her, clearer than you ever had, as if she were standing right beside you. She said your name, and you wanted to ask her a billion questions, but as you opened your mouth to speak, only darkness came out. It flooded out of you, surrounding you in black waters. It put weight on your chest, trying to drag you deeper. You gasped for air, and forced your eyes open. You landed with a thud back in the grass, and you tried to catch your breath. You placed your palms back onto the soil, attempting to balance yourself.

It had been hours, the sun was on the opposite side of you now, a cool breeze whistled through the trees. You felt eyes on your back. You whipped around, ready to fight, to find Ren standing back.

"You got too close!" You shouted at him, balling your fists. His jaw clenched while he searched for the words to say.

"I've been trying to get you out for a while now." He snapped back.

"You told me to meditate! I was doing what you said, I just needed more time!" You yelled, throwing your hands up in frustration. You felt so defeated that you were that close to Leia, and you never got to tell her how sorry you were. Hot angry tears were falling from your eyes.

"I'm sorry, but you weren't seeing what I was." He said, motioning to your surroundings. It was then that you noticed that earth had cracked below you, and the grass was dead in the surrounding area. "There was this black fog around you. I've only ever read about that in Sith text." He stepped forward. You shook your head at him to back off, disgusted that he would suggest something like that. "Thats the dark side, calling to you!" He exclaimed, as if he were trying to get you excited about it.

Your face crumpled, and the tears fell quicker. You sat back on the ground, placing your forehead to your knees, letting yourself sob for just a moment. You felt him kneel in front of you.

"It doesn't have to be scary. I can show you." He said quietly. You didn't say anything to him back, you wanted to disappear into the crack in the ground. You peered over your knees to see his outstretched hand in front of you. "Let's go back inside, dinner is ready for us." He said.

You stared at his hand, then without much thought, you were reaching for it. He wrapped his hand around yours, and pulled you to your feet, only letting go when he knew you were going to follow him. You walked back to the palace slowly, you didn't want to go with him, but out of fear for what had just happened, you didn't want to leave his side.


	14. Chapter 14

Dinner was uneventful, you finished quickly, then excused yourself to your room. The bed had been made and the towels replaced in your absence. You searched the closet for something comfortable to wear to bed, and found the most casual robe you could for sleeping. The problem was though, when your head hit the pillows, you couldn't fall asleep. You laid there, replaying what you had seen in your head. You knew Leia was trying to tell you something important in there, and it was on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn't quite grasp it.

You laid there for hours, the moons high in the sky, and the city was quiet. You needed to get out of your head. You threw the covers off, and walked quietly out the door. You weren't sure where you were going, and you weren't trying to leave, you just felt like maybe a walk around the grounds would tire you enough. You found yourself in the throne room, a number of doorways called to you, you'd only been down two of them, the one that leads to your room and the dining hall, and the one that led you outside to the trees.

You chose the one directly across from your hallway, and began down the moonlit corridor. You could see out of the windows a you walked, the city had a glow to it. People were still awake, living their everyday lives, and the First Order patrols were everywhere, making sure there wasn't any sign of rebellion. You couldn't believe the difference from the last time you were here, you could feel the fear in people, never knowing if this would be their last night.

You couldn't help but feel that Leia was still trying to reach you, and tell you something important. In fact, now it felt like she'd been yelling at you to listen to her. It was all you could feel in your head, the intensity of her voice. You'd never heard her raise her voice before, it frightened you. Except now, it wasn't her voice you were straining to listen to, it was somebody else's. You hadn't heard her in so long, but you recognized her immediately. It was your mother, she was calling your name, crying out to you. You began to walk through the halls faster, trying to get back to your room. The pressure in your head felt like you were going to burst, her cries became high pitched screams, and pictures flashed through your mind of battlefields and hyperspace. You balanced yourself on the windowsill, the city had turned to a wasteland outside. It had been destroyed, bodies lined the streets as a First Order ship landed among the rubble in front of you. You put your forehead against the window, focusing your eyes, waiting to see if Kylo Ren would emerge from the ship. He did, you expected as much, but he wasn't alone. You watched a second figure trailing behind him, a female. You watched as they surveyed the city, and he turned to say something to her.

'Welcome to the Dark Side." He whispered in your ear, and you realized you were seeing through her eyes now, standing beside him in the destruction. The world around you began to spin.

And then silence again. The scene left your head, and you came to a stop in the hall. You could see the throne room at the end, but you needed a moment to get the fuzziness out of your head. You wanted to forget that you'd seen that. It was a fear, not a vision of the future. He was trying to put the darkness into your head so you wouldn't be able to tell a difference between the two.

You stared down at your feet as you continued down the hall, still trying to push the horrifying feelings out of your head. You only made it a few steps, when your face met something hard in front of you.

"What the hell?" You reeled back, grabbing onto your forehead. Hands grasped your shoulders to steady you.

"What are you doing? Are you okay?" You heard the low rumble of his voice. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't avoid him.

"Yes, I'm fine." You shrugged away from his hands. He was shirtless, his chiseled chest is what you had run into. He'd just come out of a door that was still slightly ajar. "I just needed to go for a walk." You explained, trying to peer around him into the unknown room.

"In the middle of the night?" He yawned, shutting the door behind him. You'd for sure woken him up.

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep." You trailed off, you just wanted back in your bed. He studied you for a moment, a look of concern across his face.

"I'll walk you back, if that's okay?" He asked, though it was more of a demand.

"No really, it's fine. I'm heading back to bed now." You tried to walk ahead of him, hoping he'd get the hint. He didn't, and followed you anyways.

It was a short walk back to your room, filled with silence. You never knew what to say to him. It's not like you could say, 'Hey, I know we have some weird thing going on here, but I still hate you!'. You knew that wasn't true. Just walking with him sent butterflies wild in your belly.

You arrived back at the room, but you didn't want to enter. He reached around you to open the door for you, but you placed your hand over his, stopping him. Your heart fluttered in your chest, you felt like someone else was taking over control of your limbs. You trailed your fingers up his arm, stopping at his bicep, and reached your face to his. Your lips met softly for once, a tender kiss, and you pulled away before it turned into anything more. His face crumpled into a frown, not the reaction you were wanting. You turned your body in embarrassment, shoving the door open so you could hide away in the room, but his hands stopped you.

He whipped you around, pulling your lips back to his, walking you backwards through the doorway. His foot kicked the doors closed, and he nibbled at your bottom lip. You pulled away from him, dropping to your knees in front of him. You gripped the waistband of his pants, these ones didn't have a belt or button to fumble with, and you pulled them down his thighs. He was rock hard already, so he sprung out of the restricting fabric.

His hand grabbed your chin, angling it up so he was looking into your eyes. You could see the neediness on his face, he wanted this just as bad as you did.

You placed your hand around his shaft, and his always tense body began to melt into your palm. You were in control this time.

You licked your lips, and placed a warm kiss on the tip, sucking lightly to build the tension. He let out a small moan under his breath, and it was the invitation you needed. You placed your lips around him again, this time pulling his cock as deep into your throat as you could. His hands tangled themselves in your hair as you took in his entire length. He began to lightly thrust into you, and you could taste the precum dripping from his tip. You felt drool dripping down your face, but you didn't care. You gagged on his length as you felt the pressure building between your thighs. You circled your tongue around his tip, sucking harder as he pulled your hair.

"Fuck." He whispered under his breath. You could feel him twitching in your throat, and finally he released, his warm cum filling your mouth and running down the back of your throat. He pulled back, stroking himself until he was empty. You wiped the liquid off your chin, sucking it off your fingers as you stared up at him. You were both breathing heavy, your chests rising and falling in sync. You exhaled, relaxing back on your heels as you caught your breath. He leaned against the door and pulled his pants back up.

"Stand up." He said. For a moment you thought he was angry, but then you saw the smirk on his face. You did as he said, standing in front of him. He grabbed your hand and led you to the couch, "Kneel." He commanded. You did what he said, placing your knees on the seat of the couch, your chest and stomach facing the back. The nerves between your legs sensed what was about to happen.

You felt his hands move up your waist to your shoulders, and he pulled the silk robe off in one swift motion.

"It's my turn now." He whispered in your ear. He pulled his pants down once again, stroking himself for a moment. His fingers reached around your waist, grazing your clit, and eliciting a whine from your lips. This encouraged him to use his free hand to guide himself slowly into you, just barely. You bit your lip and waited for his full length. You remembered what it felt like the first time, he was angrier, and he had just tried to kill you. This time, he was being more gentle, taking his time. You appreciated it, but you were ready for him, and you wanted to feel him in your belly. You backed yourself towards him, arching your back as you felt him deeper.

He had let you be in control just for a second before he took the reigns again. He thrusted into you, and you widened your hips to get more of him. The air was hot around you and you moaned out loud in pleasure. You could feel his nails digging into your hips as you held onto the back of the seat. His fingers moved across your clit, he knew exactly how to get you off.

"Ren, I'm gonna-" You moaned, but he interrupted.

"Call me commander." He growled. You hated that he had this control over you, that he wanted you to ask for it, but you couldn't help yourself as the pleasure clouded your vision.

"Commander, I need to cum!" You whined, trying to match his rhythm.

He got quiet, and his fingers slowed, teasing you.

"Ugh, please?!" You groaned, knowing he wanted you to beg more.

"Good girl, cum for me." He breathed.

Your walls clamped around him, your orgasm creating convulsions in your body. He continued to press into you as you rode the wave, and you cried out in pleasure.

The room was spinning, and you realized he was planting kisses along your spin. You could feel his hot breath at your back, as you relaxed into him. He pulled away, and took a seat on the couch next to you as you recovered. He grabbed you by your shoulders and pulled you to his chest, wrapping his solid arms around you. His lips pressed into your sweat lined forehead as you settled into his lap. You were both still naked, your bodies touching, trying to mold into each other. He lifted you up bridal style and carried you to the bed. You realized how exhausted you were when your head hit the pillow. He walked around to the other side and laid next to you, pulling you back into him, and covering both of you with the quilt.

You didn't peg Kylo Ren as the cuddling type, but then again, you never pegged yourself as someone who would fuck Kylo Ren. It was only minutes before you were fading into sleep, his warm breath on the back of your neck creating a calmness inside of you. You fell asleep that night wrapped in his arms, not worried about what the future may hold.


	15. Chapter 15

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and turned towards the window. Ren had snuck away in the middle of the night, though you didn't mind. You laid there for a while after you woke up, staring at the rising sun outside of your window. You wanted to lay in bed all day, and pretend you weren't a prisoner.

There was a light knock at the door, and someone called from behind it that breakfast was ready.

You knew that he wouldn't wait for you all day, but you didn't move from your spot. You took a few deep breaths, and called back that you'd be there in a minute, pushing last nights events out of your head. You bathed and dressed rapidly, and left the room to face him.

He was already in his seat when you arrived, but he didn't look up at you a you entered the room. His eyes were glued to the datapad in his hands. His fingers worked fervently on it, presumably First Order business. You took your seat and began to eat, watching as his face studied the words on the screen in front of him. When he concentrated like this, he looked just like his father when you'd seen him pilot the falcon. In fact, they had a lot of similarities in their mannerisms.

Suddenly he stood from his chair, "Meet me in the throne room when you're done. We're training today." He said.

"Okay." You nodded, your heart racing at the sound of his voice. You hated that just hearing him speak did this to you.

He departed the room quickly, the staff clearing his place immediately. You took a few more bites of your breakfast, then decided that you weren't too hungry. You excused yourself and made your way to meet him.

As you waited for him in the large room, you couldn't help but notice the artwork on the walls. Paintings of past queens, and scenery graced the walls. You recognized a few of the women from books you'd read in school as a youngling. You heard a door shut, the sound coming from the same hallway you'd ventured down last night when Ren found you. He came shuffling out of it, empty handed. He didn't stop when he entered the throne room, instead turning down another corridor, expecting you to follow, and of course you did.

More silence as you walked, you decided his communication skills weren't up to par, as you always seemed to be the first one to speak. He led you down some stairs, into an almost empty room. There were mats on the floor, some weights sat against the wall, a small cabinet, and large mirrors across the back wall. He opened the cabinet, revealing a few staffs. He pulled two out, and placed one in your hands. It felt different than the lightsaber, both ends able to take your enemy down. If you swung hard enough, you could potentially kill someone.

"You're pretty good with the saber, but you need to get better with combat in general. You need to be able to defend yourself from the most powerful enemy." He said, tossing his from hand to hand.

"And who would that be?" You raised a brow, stretching your arms and legs swiftly to prepare.

"Probably me." He shrugged, doing the same as you. The fibers of his shirt stretched around his arms as he flexed.

"I doubt that." You rolled your eyes at him, "I already told you I could kick your ass if I needed to."

"You're too cocky, and your mouth is going to get you in trouble some day from someone who can't deal with it." He said, his face turning into a scowl. "Duels aren't always performed to kill your opponent you know. Especially the lightsaber, it's a very serious art to properly wield that weapon. It takes some people a very long time to master it." He swung the staff in a circle around his back, showing off.

"Oh, and you've mastered it?" You teased again, bracing your feet to the floor.

He squinted his eyes at you, then lunged. He swung the stick, and you failed to step out of the way, resulting in a hearty smack to your outer thigh.

"Ow!" You yelled, cradling the already swollen skin.

"Don't attack, just defend yourself." He ordered.

You stepped into position again, and did as he said. Every swing he made you were able to deflect, but he was still pushing you off the mats.

"You're losing your position too easily, before long, I'll have you backed into a corner and that will be your downfall." He pointed out, stopping his attacks. "Try to keep your feet planted."

You stepped into the center of the mat, and grounded your feet just as you would when you meditate. He began again, but this time you were able to stay in place, centering yourself while he circled around you. He gave you advice every few hits, telling you how to place your feet, and how to hold the stick for different motions. He wasn't trying to take you down today, he was truly trying to train you.

"You know, I'm serious about being able to take you down. I know your weaknesses, you're really bad at controlling your emotions." You said again, blocking a swing.

"You don't know my weaknesses." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Yes I do!" You scoffed, "But you don't know mine. Which means I'm stronger than you."

He stopped, and narrowed his eyes at you. You shrugged your shoulders at him, and returned the staff to the cabinet. You plopped down on the ground to stretch again. He followed you to the cabinet and replaced his staff beside the other.

"I'm just saying, you're not all high and mighty as you think you are." You pointed out, grabbing onto your knees and pulling them towards your torso. He stood behind you, searching for the right reply. You felt him searching your head for a sign, something he could say in rebuttal.

"Listen, we've both gone through a lot of trauma in our lives," You continued, "I'm just way better at masking that trauma than you are." You raised your brows at him. You could feel him becoming more and more frustrated as you talked. There was silence as he processed what you had said.

"You're mad that I left last night." He finally said, but it caught you off guard.

"Uh, no, I definitely don't care about that." You laughed.

"Yes you do. Deep down, you wished I would have been there when you woke up." He said, inching towards you.

"Okay, let's just pretend that I'm upset that you left. Why did you?" You asked, playing into his game.

He lowered himself to the ground next to you. "I had something to do." He said.

"That's a shitty excuse." You laughed again, annoyed at the thought.

"Well, I didn't think you'd want me to stay." He relaxed his body, leaning onto the palms of his hands.

As much as you resisted it, you began to feel the embarrassment. "You act like you hate me, and then you do stuff like that! You kissed me back and I got confused and my head gets all fuzzy and-"

"What makes you think I hate you?" He interrupted.

"Are you kidding?" You asked in disbelief. He turned to face you, waiting for you to explain. "Oh, I don't know, maybe it's all of the times that I've heard you tell Snoke to just kill me? Or maybe the time you sent a lightsaber into my arm for no reason?" You said, pulling your sleeve to the side to show the scar he left, "You know what, you're right, I'm delusional and you kidnapping me and not allowing me to leave is a good way to show someone that you don't hate them!" You snapped. He was quiet, processing again. "But then you kiss me and I forget it all." You whispered, your face falling to the ground.

"I don't know what you want me to say." He said, his eyes boring holes into the top of your head.

"I don't know either." You shook your head. You wanted to scream at him, to fight him, but you couldn't. All you could think about was the taste of his lips while you kissed them.

"Do it." He said, of course he'd heard what you were thinking. You shook your head at him again, and sighed. You knew if you kissed him again that you'd fall even deeper into this hole that you'd gotten yourself into. But it didn't stop him. He grabbed your chin to turn your head, crushing your lips together once more. You obviously didn't get enough of him the night before, and your fingers immediately went to the button on your pants, undoing them rapidly. You didn't care that anyone could walk in and see you, you wanted- no needed- him right then.

You pounced on top of him, straddling him to the floor, your lips never leaving each other. You slipped your boots and pants off, and kicked them to the side. You felt the bulge in his pants growing harder as you grinded against him. You unbuttoned his pants, and attempted to pull them off, but he stopped you before you could.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay." He said, pulling you away from his lips. You didn't care, he was here now. Your lips met his jawline, suckling at his skin. He flipped you over without warning, your back hitting the cool floor, his body pinning you to the ground. You were finally able to get his pants around his thighs, and he wasted no time. He positioned himself above you, and pushed himself into your body. You let out a moan, and your nails raked into his hips. You were still sore from the night before, you still weren't used to his size. His grunts matched his movement, and it turned you on even more. He pulled you in closer, your chests touching, and you hummed in pleasure. He kissed you for a moment before moving to your neck, right below your ear. He groaned against your skin, the vibration causing goosebumps all over. Your walls were clenching around him, you tried to cry out, but he pressed his lips against yours. 'Quiet' He said, only not out loud. You felt the tension pooling inside of you, and you quietly whined at him to let him know you were close. He pounded into you, until finally you reached euphoria, and he drained you of everything. He pulled out of you and stroked himself to completion, spilling his seed onto your exposed belly. Even in his most vulnerable state, he was terrifying, but you wanted nothing more than to be his.

He caught his breath, and after a moment made himself decent as you recovered. He tossed you your pants, then used the sleeve of his sweater to clean your stomach. You pulled your pants up and slipped your boots back on, still reeling from pleasure. He stood, then pulled you to your feet. His body went stiff and he took a step away from you.

"Sir," A stormtrooper entered the room, standing to attention. You turned your body from him to try and compose yourself and wipe the sweat that had formed at your brow. "General Hux is on transmission for you. He says it's urgent." The trooper said

"Tell him I'll be right there." Ren nodded. The trooper departed, leaving the two of you alone once more.

"Hux is a whiny baby." You mocked, your face mimicking his.

Ren let out a chuckle, then grabbed you by your hand. "I'll see you at dinner." He said, squeezing you, then turning to leave. He took a few steps before pausing at the door. "Trust me, I know your weakness." He turned, and winked at you.

You rolled your eyes at him, and lifted your hand to wave at him as he left the room.

You returned to your room, and tried to make yourself look like a normal person again. The day passed quickly, you busied yourself with a book you'd found in the bookshelf beside your bed. You weren't sure if you'd call what you felt, a weakness. Definitely more of a temptation. It scared you that you felt this way, but you couldn't deny the attraction that your body felt when you were near him. It was like an automatic response to him, that you needed to fuck him. You were eager to see him again, as much as you hated to admit it.

Dinner was served shortly after dawn, but he wasn't in his seat when you arrived. When he finally did, he looked rough. The anger oozed off of him as he stomped to his seat. His eyes were wild with rage, and he ordered the staff to bring out the food. You couldn't help but stare at him as he looked like a wild animal eating his meal. He refused to look back at you.

"Okay, what the hell did I miss?" You asked.

"It's nothing." He growled. You snorted to yourself, there was no way this was something that minor.

"Whatever." You shrugged, you weren't going to push him.

"It doesn't concern you." He snapped, pushing his chair out and standing. You raised your brows at him, you couldn't figure out why he was lashing out on you.

"I said whatever." You pointed out. He sighed, falling back to his chair.

"I'm sorry." He said, "You should probably get to bed soon. We've got stuff to do in the morning."

"Fine." You nodded, all eagerness to see him left your body as you stood to leave. "Goodnight." You called over your shoulder. He didn't say anything back, and you took it as a sign that he didn't actually care what you were doing.

It was going to be like this every time, but for some reason, you didn't care. You liked seeing both sides of him. You liked seeing his true colors, so that you wouldn't get off track, and you could focus on getting the hell out of here.


	16. Chapter 16

"Focus." He said from behind you.

"I am." You snapped, you were tired of him telling you how to channel the Force.

"You're not." He sighed, "I could feel you from across the palace."

"Dude, leave me alone. I told you I can't meditate when you're that close."

"Yes you can, just push past me." He suggested.

You tried to ignore him, to do as he said. You'd come out here by yourself when Ren didn't show for breakfast. Something had him riled up, and you needed to get as far away from him as you could to get the feeling out of your head. It didn't work though, and you weren't able to shake him.

"What are you doing out here?" You asked, turning to find him leaning against the tree, his arms crossed, like he was bored.

"I'm just checking on you." He said. You didn't know what to say back, so you sat there, waiting for him to leave. "I'm sorry I snapped at you last night."

"I already told you I don't care." You smiled sarcastically.

"Do you forget that I can feel your emotions?" He snickered.

"I can feel yours too." You pointed out. He sat down beside the tree, flicking a leaf out of the way as he did. "You're here to do what exactly?"

"I can't just sit out here with you?" He asked.

"No, I mean, here." You waved your arms at your surroundings, "What are we doing here?"

"Oh." He nodded his head in understanding. "We're here to train, I'm teaching you how to use your powers, and how to fight better."

"I already knew how to do those things, and I'm not ever going to stand by the First Order, so it's a waste of time." You said, "And Hux would probably be upset if he knew you were letting me walk free from those cuffs."

"I'm tired of hearing about Hux." He grumbled. You'd struck a nerve again.

"All I'm saying is, you're wasting your time." You suggested.

"Can't I just enjoy your company?" He asked.

"Is that what you're calling it?" You mumbled under your breath. You could see the amusement from your embarrassment on his face. "Are we supposed to be doing something today, or...?"

"No, nothing planned." He replied, his eyes trailing to the love bite he'd left on the skin below your ear. Your face flushed with embarrassment again, and you turned your body quickly so he couldn't see you. "I like spending time with you." He said.

You put your face in the palm of your hands. You didn't know what to say back. You didn't like spending time with him, except for when you were doing extracurricular activities, then you didn't mind 'spending time' with him. Even then, you knew that it wouldn't last. The looming threat of death was hung over your head every minute of every day.

You felt him shift his weight so he was leaning towards you. "I'm not going to let that happen." He whispered.

"You don't get to promise that." You whipped around towards him. "We can pretend all we want, but these last few months have just been getting me closer and closer to my last day." Your face began to get hot.

He wrapped you in his arms, an unusual gesture you'd never felt from him, your head was resting on his chest as he slightly rocked back and forth. You hated the affection from him. You wanted the rough, emotionless sex, and none of the romance. Falling in love with the enemy wasn't on your bucket list.

"I enjoy you." He said quietly into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. His lips grazed your ear, past the hickey he'd given you yesterday, and down your clavicle. Now this, this is what you enjoyed.

His hands raked up your sides, working his way up to your bra. His hands kneaded at your breasts, your nipples became erect from the motion. You worked at the button on your pants, when he stopped, and grabbed your wrists.

"Just wait." He chuckled. He positioned himself so he was sitting behind you, his legs outstretched besides yours, and you were leaning against his chest. He undid your button, and slipped this hand down your pants, between your legs. You gasped at his touch as his fingers caressed your flesh. You felt the warmth pool between your legs as he teased his fingers over your slit. You laid your head back on his shoulder, small moans escaping your mouth. He slipped a finger in, and you grabbed onto his thigh to keep yourself from moving.

"Is this what you want?" He purred into your ear, slipping another finger in.

"Yes please." You whined, your walls clenched around his fingers as he wiggled inside of you. It was getting harder to control your breathing. His thumb glided over your clit, sending a shiver over your body. His hand caressing your breast flicked over your nipple, pinching the nub between his fingers. You bit the inside of your cheek as your body craved release. He snaked a third finger in, stretching you apart. His pace quickened, and you wrapped your hand around his forearm, pushing him deeper. You felt him smile into the crook of your neck as your jaw dropped in ecstasy. He continued to pulse his fingers inside of you as you came, until your whole body was vibrating. You felt you had soaked through your underwear as he pulled his warm fingers from you. You turned your head to watch him stick his fingers in his mouth, cleaning them from your slick. You'd never been more turned on by a simple action. As you recovered, he clasped the button on your pants, and spun you around to face him again.

"You enjoy that. Not me, just that." You said, breathing sharp breaths.

"No." He said, frowning, "I enjoy you. Spending time with you, training with you, and yes, also that."

You stood, trying to assert your dominance even though he'd had his fingers inside of you only moments ago. You were finally getting it. He had brought you here because he felt the connection that you had. You thought that it was just you, that something was pushing you towards him, lusting for him. You realized that wasn't true, and that he was the one who was being pulled to you. He was the one who initiated the lust. You could win this fight, but you had to play your cards right.

He stared up at you, waiting for a reply. The dark tendrils of hair swept across his face as he admired you.

"Let's go then, I'm obviously not getting much done out here." You laughed, sticking your hand out for him to grab. He chuckled, and grabbed onto your arm, pulling himself up. You walked back to the palace innocently, as if none of that had ever happened.

—-

The following week was filled with the most intense sex you'd ever had. You couldn't get enough of his touch, and any free chance you had you took it. Every surface in your room had been tainted with the act. He was surprisingly even more skilled than you had thought, and he knew just how to touch you. It was wild, and free, and you could feel him changing every day. It would only be a matter of time before you could seduce him back to the light.

You only felt a little sorry that you were sort of using him, but in the long run, it would be better for him. You knew Leia always had wanted her son to return to the light, you just didn't think this is how she thought it would happen.

You were in the middle of the act, fully seated on his lap, when someone knocked on the door. You jumped off of him, pulling the sheets around your body as he grabbed his pants from the floor.

"One sec!" You called out, wrapping yourself up, and stumbling to the door. You cracked it just enough to poke your head out. "Uh, yes?" You asked, trying to act as though Ren hadn't just been deep inside of you.

"I'm sorry to disturb you ma'am." The handmaid said, trying to spy around the door. "Uh, do you know where Commander Ren is?" She asked.

You looked back in your room, your eyes asking him what to do. He shook his head quickly as he pulled his shirt over his head. "No, sorry, I'm not sure." You shrugged, trying to inch your way back in the room.

"Oh, well, I'll check elsewhere. If you find him, can you tell him he has a call on his datapad?" She asked, although you could see the suspicion in her eyes.

"Absolutely!" You smiled a fake grin at her, trying to get her to leave. She bowed her head at you and retreated, and you slammed the door shut, breathing a sigh of relief. "Apparently you have a call on your datapad, sir." You mocked. He chortled, and pulled his boots on.

"I'll see you later." He said, planting a small kiss on your forehead. He was much more affectionate now than you were used to, so every gesture threw you off guard.

"Yeah, see you." You said, and he slithered from the room, closing the door behind him quietly.

You decided a bath would be best for now, to wash the sweat from your body. You ran the water and lowered yourself into it. You laid your head against the stone, relaxing your body. You could tell your idea was working. His features were softer, and he was gentler with you. You were bringing the light out in him, straying him from Snokes' hold. You imagined it wouldn't be much longer before you'd be able to convince him to let you go, and maybe even come with you. You thought of what your new life could be, whether Ren was in it or not. You'd sure as hell never come back to this planet as long as you lived. Maybe you'd go to Tatooine. Although it was all sand, and not the best place to settle down, it was desolate and secluded. You'd be able to start a new Resistance there, if anyone would join. It was already hard before to enlist members, people were terrified of the rebellion, terrified to die. But maybe with Ren on your side it would be easier.

Though, you supposed he wouldn't be Kylo Ren anymore. He'd be Ben Solo.

His words rang through your head from a few weeks before. "I killed Han Solo." He had said. So maybe he wouldn't want to be Solo anymore. The thought sent an ache through your chest. Maybe he'd just be Ben then.

You finished your bath and dressed, then made your way through the hallways. It was too early for dinner, so you wandered the corridors, searching for things you hadn't come across before. Your stroll led you to the throne room, where a fleet of stormtroopers stood, waiting at the door. You stood back in your hallway, watching as they waited. Ren exited the hallway his room was in, in his full uniform, mask and all. You could only imagine what waited on the other side of the foyer. He met you on your side of the room, and stood next to you.

"Behave." He whispered, though you weren't sure if it was out loud or in your head. You stood a little bit straighter, brushing the wrinkles out of your clothes.

"What are we waiting for?" You whispered back. He didn't answer, but crossed his arms behind his back. He wasn't nervous, but you could feel that he was frustrated.

The troopers stood to attention as you heard the door open. Small footsteps entered the foyer, with another fleet following behind their owner.

You saw his fiery red hair first, tucked neatly under his cap. His face was puckered, as it always was. His eyes met yours, surprised that you were walking freely. "I see you've disobeyed my orders already Commander Ren." He said, stopping in front of the two of you.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, oh mighty one?" You curtsied dramatically at him, Ren huffing beside you, as you blatantly went against his order. Hux's eyes darted from you to him, then back to you.

"Take her to her room." Hux ordered a trooper, "We've got other things to worry about beside your disrespect." One of his men marched over to you, and grabbed your arm to guide you away.

You pulled your arm from his grasp and said, "I can walk myself thank you very much."

Ren's chest raised and dropped with fury. You didn't care, you wanted Hux to know how much he sucked. They watched as you stomped back to your room, too annoyed to even care that this was a setback in your plans.


	17. Chapter 17

"You're still not permitted to leave this room." The trooper said, forcing the door shut in your face.

It had been two days since Hux' arrival, and you'd been grounded to your room since then. No word from anyone on when it would end. Tika had brought you food once, but you knew the stormtrooper was eavesdropping, and you hadn't been able to ask her what they were doing. You were sick of it.

At least you had the balcony. It was about a three story drop, but you figured you be fine to jump. You closed the curtains in case the trooper decided to peek his head in. You sat yourself on the railing, giving the ground one more glance, before closing your eyes and throwing yourself over it. You flew through the air for a minute, then landed with a thud in the garden below, a bush breaking your fall. Your knees ached from the landing, but you'd recover quickly. You brushed yourself off, and took a deep breath before looking back up to the balcony. It looked a lot taller from down here, and you were kind of surprised at yourself that you'd had the courage to jump.

Your first thought was to find Tika. You'd be able to ask her what they've been talking about. You peered in through the windows, looking for any signs of them, before sneaking in through a door. You weren't one hundred percent sure which way to go, but based off of where your room was located, you figured you needed to go right to get to the kitchen and staff quarters. You followed the hallways, making sure to take extra care around corners, until finally, you found it. You walked into the room, and received worried stares from the waitstaff.

"Don't mind me." You waved, reassuring them, "I'm just looking for Tika."

They were silent as they tried to figure out your intentions, and probably how you'd gotten out of your room. You heard the door open behind you, and she stepped through, another surprised stare.

"Hey!" You said, grabbing her arm, "I need to talk to you." You whispered. She looked terrified, but shook her head, quietly leading you out of the kitchen into a pantry.

"What are you doing out of your room?" She asked, putting away the stuff in the basket she'd been holding.

"Doesn't matter. I need to know what they've been talking about." You explained.

"Oh." She sighed, "I don't think I'm supposed to tell you."

"C'mon, we're friends, I need to know." You pleaded with her.

"Snoke." She said. That's the answer you half expected, though it didn't reassure you.

"Do you know specifically what they said?" You asked. Her face fell, a sad expression coming over her.

"He's angry that Master Ren brought you here." She said.

You figured that much, you'd left the command ship in such a hurry. This still didn't answer why Hux was here. "Is that all?" You asked again.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I haven't been in there much." She shook her head.

"It's okay. Can you do me a favor and just let me know if you hear anything else?" You smiled.

"Of course. But you shouldn't be out of your room, If they find you, I'm worried they might-"

"Oh don't worry, I can handle them." You giggled, "Okay, I'll see you later." You squeezed her shoulder, and left the pantry. You could go back in the way you left, but you weren't sure how you'd get yourself back up the balcony, or you could brave the hallways to get onto your floor, then figure out a way from there. The second option was your best bet.

You took the door out of the kitchen that led to the dining room, all you had to do was get through a few corridors, and up a flight of stairs, easy enough. You made your way down the first hallway, narrowly missing a trooper patrolling the halls. You hoped they hadn't realized you were gone yet, though there would probably be much more urgency in their strides. You breathed a sigh of relief as he turned down a different hall. You ran past the one he had turned down, finally making it to the stairs. You took the first few steps quietly.

"What are you doing?"

Oh shit. You'd been caught. You jogged a few more steps, until your feet stopped moving, and you were glued in place.

"I asked you a question." He growled. You turned your head to him, trying to get your feet out of the invisible traps he'd placed.

"I was," You stopped, thinking of an excuse, "I was hungry."

If he thought your answer was amusing, you couldn't tell from the mask. Ren shook his head slightly, then closed the distance between you, grabbing your arm. You hated when they did that. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" He asked, leading you back to the room.

"The only person here even capable of that is you, and I even have doubts that you could." You rolled your eyes. His grip tightened around your bicep, sending a shiver between your legs.

"While Hux is here, you follow his orders. He's ordered you to stay in your room." You were reaching your hallway, and as you turned the corner you saw the stormtrooper who had been guarding your door do a double take.

"Ren, I'm bored. Isn't there something else I could be doing." You had put your seductive face on, trying to get him riled up. He ignored you, and addressed the trooper, opening the door for you.

"When General Hux said not to let her leave, you were supposed to not let her leave." He snarled at the trooper.

"Yes sir, it won't happen again Commander Ren." He saluted. The door closed in your face once again.

Ugh. You busied yourself with your book for the rest of the night. You had tried to get into Ren's head to figure out what they'd been discussing, but it wasn't working. You hated that he could block you out, but you couldn't do the same to him. Night fell quickly, and once again you got the urge to leave the room. It was late, the moons in their highest place in the sky. The trooper had been more diligent in watching you, swinging the door open every few minutes to check that you were still there. You'd done a good job at sitting in the same place all afternoon with your book. You stood behind the door now, waiting for him to open it. He did, and when he didn't see you at your spot on the couch, he stepped in, swinging the door wider. You closed it behind him, and looked through his helmet into the spot his eyes would be.

"You're going to stand outside of that door, and pretend that I'm still sitting in here." You waved a finger in front of his face as if you'd done this a thousand times. "And when I get back, you'll forget I ever left." In reality you'd only managed to successfully do it once, and it was directed at Poe to make him forget about the time you drove a speeder into his fighter ship. The trooper stared at you, then repeated back your instructions, letting you know it had worked. He opened the door and stood in his position again.

You wanted to find Ren, he'd ignited a fire within you that you hadn't been able to put out earlier. You swiftly worked your way to the hallway across form yours, stopping at the door he'd come out of before. You still hadn't been in there, and you desperately wanted to see how he lived his private life.

You placed your hand on the door handle softly, still building the courage to twist the knob.

"You're really bad at following orders." He whispered, swinging the door open and pulling you in before you could move your feet. "You shouldn't be here."

"I've been in my room by myself for two days. I'm bored." You griped.

"If Hux finds out you came in here..." He trailed off. You took a look around the room, taking in your surroundings. It was similar to yours; large, and extravagant. You'd pictured something different. All black possibly, more tech-y.

"Hux isn't going to know." You said, stepping towards him, wrapping your arms as far around his torso as you could. He placed his arms on your shoulders, resting them there. "We didn't get to finish where we left off the other day." You whined.

"I see." He nodded, his chin sat on the top of your head. As much as you loved the gentle loving touches like this, you craved the savage feeling of his skin on yours when you were naked. You moved out of his arms, and over to his bed, making yourself comfortable on the edge, waiting for him to follow. He was wearing the same pajamas as the first night you'd been here. You remembered how easily accessible they were. He came to a stop in front of you, and his hand caressed your cheek. You nuzzled your face into it, kissing his palm. His hand moved down your neck, and to your sternum. He pushed you back with a stab of his finger, and your head hit the bed. You stared up at the ceiling as he worked your leggings off, pulling them past your thighs and throwing them out of the way. Your cunt throbbed, waiting for him. His lips met the scar on your belly as he lifted your pajama shirt up and over your head. You weren't wearing undergarments, you had prepared for this. His mouth dropped lower, nipping at your hip, then even lower onto your inner thigh as he pried your legs apart.

"Oh." You shot up, coming to the realization of what was happening. His hand firmly pushed you back down against the mattress, his fingers finding their way to your erect nipple. This was new, something you'd never done before. Your eyes fluttered against his touch, and he hadn't even began what he had planned to do with his mouth. You felt his lips plant small kisses up your inner thigh, inching closer to your core. You gripped the sheets in preparation, not quite knowing what to expect.

His mouth met your flesh, sending goosebumps down your legs. He suckled at your skin, and his thumb flashed across your lips, finding your sensitive spot. You took a deep breath in, afraid to move under his touch. You felt his tongue between your lips, and he began to move faster, flicking at your skin, sending your nerves into a frenzy. You turned your head to moan into your shoulder, trying to stay quiet as he hummed into you.

You wrapped your hands through his hair as his mouth closed around your mound, and you felt his nose nuzzle into you. He was sucking harder on your clit, massaging it with his tongue. He pulled your legs apart wider, shaking his mouth against your skin. You threw your head back, forgetting to ask permission, before you felt a warm familiar feeling dripping from between your legs.

"You taste so good." He said, looking up at you as you whined from above, his tongue still lapping up your juices. He raised his body, his chin and lips wet from your slick, and grabbed your face in his hands, pulling you up to kiss him. His tongue snaked its way into your mouth, and you tasted the sweet juices from his mouth. The kiss only lasted a second, before he grabbed your waist and pushed you backwards on the bed, so you were closer to the pillows. He slipped out of his pants, and crawled up towards you, with an animalistic look on his face. You couldn't help but giggle at him as he inched closer.

"You've been disobedient." He warned, his face only a few inches from yours. You narrowed your eyes at him, a challenge to his authority. "It is my duty to punish you." He said, leaning back on his knees between your legs, his cock leaning forward as if it was a magnet to your cunt.

"Oh no." You teased, raising your hand to his hip, trailing your finger towards his erection. He smacked your hand out of the way, and you reeled back.

"Don't touch." He growled.

Oh my gods, you'd never been more attracted to him. He wrapped his hands around your wrists, and pinned them above your head, letting go with this hands and holding them with his power. He looked you up and down, relishing in your vulnerable state. He grabbed his cock, and began to stroke himself in his fist.

"Do you think you deserve this?" He asked.

"Yes please." You whined, trying to inch yourself closer to him.

"Are you going to disobey orders again?" He asked, swirling the tip across your slit.

"No, sir." You sighed, your legs already shaking from the small touch.

"Good." He groaned as he pushed himself inside of you slowly. You resisted your arms against his hold, to touch his body. His hands slid up your hips, past your breasts, until one of them found its way to the base of your neck. You met his gaze as he thrusted into you, his eyes asking for permission before continuing. You nodded at him, and his hand moved to your throat. He slowly closed his hand around it, pushing firm on your windpipe.

He quickened his pace, his hips smacking into yours. Your face scrunched as you struggled to breath, but in a good way. One of his hands reached under your knee, pulling your leg up close to his shoulder, straining your muscles. The sound of your skin hitting flooded the room. You felt him twitching inside of you, ready to release himself. He let go of your airway so you could speak.

"You need to ask permission this time." He ordered.

"Ren, please can I cum." You asked between breaths.

"Say it again." He said, putting slight pressure on your throat, leaving just enough air so you could speak.

"Commander Ren, can I please-" His grip tightened again.

"Say my name again." He was wild, thrusting faster.

"Commander Ren." You struggled to get out, your eyes rolling back, your lips going numb. He let go once more, and you took in a deep breath.

"If you ever disobey orders again, the consequences will be worse." He growled, "You have my permission."

You clenched around him, your juices flowing again, mixing with his as he matched your orgasm. His body shook over yours and you felt your hands free from his hold. His lips found yours again as the two of you vibrated together, recovering from each others touch.

He flipped himself beside you, staring up at the ceiling with you, quiet, only for a moment.

"You'll have to go." He said, you could tell it pained him to say.

"I know." You nodded, sighing. You pushed yourself up, trying to focus your eyes while your head spun. You looked around the room for your clothes, and got up to dress. He grabbed your hand before you could step away.

"Please don't worry." He squeezed your fingers between his hands.

"I'm not." You shrugged. He let go and you pulled your clothes on quickly. "I'll see you later." You waved, taking one last look at his perfect body. He nodded, and you stepped out of the door into the darkness, confident that you still had him. You began to walk to the foyer to cross back into your hallway, when something brushed up against your leg. You jumped back, ready to fight whatever monster was caressing you. An orange tail flicked up and down as it strutted past you.

"Where the hell did this cat come from?"


	18. Chapter 18

You leaned down to pet the cat, and she rolled over onto her side to allow you to rub her. This was by far the weirdest thing to happen since you'd been here, which was saying something considering you were leaving Kylo Rens' bedroom in the middle of the night. She purred into your hand as you scratched at her orange belly. She was wearing a black collar, named by a tag that said 'Millicent'.

"Where'd you come from, Millicent?" You cooed at her. She flipped to her other side, licking her paws. You pet her for another minute, deciding she must have come in through an open window.

"Are you thirsty?" You asked, sliding her closer to you. You reached your hand under her and scooped her up into your arms. She wasn't a large cat, but you could tell that she had been fed well. "Let's go get you something to drink." You popped a kiss onto her nose, and she nuzzled her head into your chest. You entered the throne room, and she pushed against you, attempting to leap out of your arms. "No, its okay, I'm not gonna-"

"Unhand her immediately!" You heard a cry from across the room. You froze, and the cat jumped from your arms and strutted to Hux. "What do you think you're doing?" He demanded.

"I found a cat." You said, not knowing what else to say.

"Why are you out of your room?" He grabbed the cat, pulling her into his arms.

"I-"

"What is going on?" Ren came jogging from his hallway, fully clothed in his pajamas again. You realized Hux was also wearing lounge clothes, silk by the looks of it.

"You have got to take control of your prisoner!" Hux demanded. "She was tormenting my cat!"

"Okay, whoa, I was not tormenting your cat." You threw your arms up in defense. "Your cat approached me. I just thought she needed some water."

Hux stomped towards you, letting Millicent out of his arms. "Don't you know how to follow orders?" He asked.

"I don't follow orders from you." You spit, standing taller. You heard Ren say your name in your head, a warning.

"Commander Ren, I suggest you teach her who she answers to." Hux turned to face him.

"You need to follow General Hux' orders." He said, staring past Hux.

"I don't follow orders from you either." You challenged.

"Thats enough disrespect!" Hux turned back to you, his face red with rage. "I am the one in charge of your life. I get to decide at the end of the day if you live or not. You had better start acting grateful that I've allowed you to live this long."

You started to see red in your vision. You couldn't believe that you were letting this scrawny excuse for a General to yell at you like this, in his silky pajamas.

"If I tell you to jump, you jump. If I tell you to stay in your room, you stay in your room!" He continued his tirade. You could feel the anger bubbling out of your pores, and you heard your name once more from Ren.

"And don't you dare, touch my cat, ever again, you filthy Rebel scum." He scowled

That was it, that was where you broke. You pulled your fist back, then swung forwards, connecting with his jaw. You heard the smack, and the sound of his teeth grinding together, as if it had all happened in slow motion. And as you lunged towards him for another hit, you felt the invisible force push you back. You hit the wall behind you, hard, a hole forming where your body had hit. Your head smacked into a frame, snapping it in half, sending the painting flying from the wall. You watched from outside of your body as you crumpled to the ground, pieces of the stone wall falling around you. You landed with a crack on the floor, the marble splitting below you. Your head was spinning, all of your limbs seemed to go numb for a minute. The force of the throw had knocked the wind out of you, and you struggled to catch your breath.

You could hear Hux yelling at Ren about you, but you couldn't make out the words he was actually saying. You reached your hand to the back of your head, where you felt a warm liquid oozing down your neck. You pulled your hand back in front of your face, focusing your eyes on the blood that had coated your fingers. You looked back up at Ren and Hux, and you could see Ren ignoring Hux, a disappointed look on his face, but his emotions were panicked. He knew he had gone too far. You swallowed a mouthful of air, trying to get your lungs to inflate again. You felt something twitch at your feet.

The fucking cat.

By now you'd woke the whole house up, and a few of the staff and troopers were gathered in the throne room, piecing together the scene. You still couldn't get your eyes to focus very well, and the ringing in your ears was becoming unbearable. You heard Tikas' voice call your name, and Ren ordered her to grab the med kit.

You pushed yourself to your knees, bracing your hands against them as you tried to get to your feet. It wasn't working very well. Hux watched in amusement as you struggled, and Ren stood by, afraid of what the general might think if he helped. Tika came back in the room, and handed the med kit to another handmaid, grabbing your hands to pull you up. Her and the other woman guided you up, but you pushed them off, regaining your balance by yourself. You still couldn't hear much, but you could hear yourself talk.

"Fuck you." You spit, "And fuck the First Order." You turned slowly, your head spinning again, but continued on to your hallway.

You heard Hux' voice one last time before it faded down the hall. "You have one more week, Ren. If she doesn't submit by then, she'll be dead."

Tika and the other handmaid followed you closely to your room, holding their arms out in support in case you took a tumble. You held strong as you walked to the room, not wanting them to see you falter. The stormtrooper had done what you said, and didn't say a word as you passed by him through the doors. You made your way into the bathroom, lowering yourself onto the vanity seat as Tika prepared to suture your head. The other handmaid, who you'd heard Tika call Sylvia, cleaned the wound with warm water, and pulled your blood soaked shirt off. She covered you with a towel as Tika began her work.

You sat there, in silence, as these women who barely knew you showed you more kindness than someone you'd been intimate with had. He was a coward. And you were a fool to believe that he could return to the light. He would never be anything more than the First Order.

The sutures stung, but the hot tears falling down your face stung more. You hated when you cried, it was a sign of weakness. Sylvia wiped your face with a new cloth, rubbing the tears from your eyes as they fell harder.

"I'm so sorry ma'am." Tika caressed your head, wiping the hair from your face. Sylvia was silent as she pressed on the spots on your back that had already began to bruise, attempting to see if anything was broken. At least one of your ribs had cracked, but that wasn't anything new. That stuff happened back on base all the time, you were used to it now. You could wiggle your fingers and toes, and you'd already proved you could walk by yourself.

"I'm fine." You whispered, but you weren't sure if you were trying to convince yourself or your friends.

"Let's get you into bed." Tika suggested, helping you ease under the covers. You turned your head so the cut wasn't touching the pillow.

"I'm okay Tika." You closed your eyes.

'You have a concussion, you can't go to sleep.' You heard his voice inside of your ringing head.

"No, I think I should stay ma'am. Just to be safe." She said, settling into an armchair next to your bed.

"Okay." You couldn't argue with her. You pulled the blankets up to your chin. You were shivering, though not from the cold.

'Stay awake." He said.

"No." You replied out loud.

"What's that?" Tika asked.

"Nothing, sorry." You told her.

You relaxed into the bed, wishing the mattress would swallow you whole. You drifted off into a deep sleep, praying that you wouldn't wake up in the morning.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Sad stuff

Your dreams that night were just replays of the violent scene. Every time you hit the wall, you could feel the pain all over again. It seared through your body like a field on fire. You woke up in the morning, drenched in sweat, and to your surprise, a pool of blood between your legs.

"Shit." You winced, as you pulled the blanket back and pushed yourself to a seated position. Tika had left before the sun rose, tending to breakfast.

You hadn't had a period in a while, the implant in your arm usually prevented them, but it would happen occasionally. You scooted yourself out of the bed, and into the bathroom, stripping naked and running a bath to wash the memory of last night away. You sat in the hot water, and it calmed your aching muscles. You could see the bruises that had formed over your limbs, and your back was surely just as colorful and swollen. You rinsed the blood from the cut on your head, and washed your body until the water had a red tint to it. The blood ran from between your legs as you sat there. Just another shitty thing to add to your already fucked up week. You rinsed your body with fresh water, and stepped out, searching the cabinets for supplies. You took care of yourself, and dressed in another pair of pajamas. You were too sore to wear real clothes, so the sweats and t-shirt would have to do. You went back into the room to strip the bed, tossing the sheets in a basket on the floor.

This sucked.

You remade the bed with fresh sheets. You became tired so easily. You lowered yourself to the ground, and placed your head on your knees. Your head began to pound again, and your ears were ringing.

The door opened, and Tika stepped through. "Master Ren has requested that you join him for breakfast." She said quietly.

You shook your head at her, in too much pain to even speak.

"He said I couldn't take no for an answer." She frowned, you could tell she didn't want to enforce his orders.

"Fine." You sighed, standing back up. You threw your boots on over your sweats, and pulled a sweater over your head to hide the rest of your body. Tika walked you to the dining room, pulling your chair out as you sat.

He was already there, stoic as ever, at the head of the table. He wasn't eating, he didn't have the datapad in his hands, he was just sitting. Waiting for you. You placed your forehead on the table, the marble felt cool against your eyelids. The staff brought out the meal, placing your plate beside your head.

You heard him begin to pick at his food, his fork scraping against the plate. "You need to eat." He said. You snorted in reply, your head pounding, and your insides turning.

"Where's Hux?" You asked, still keeping your head down.

"He left last night, after..." He trailed off, knowing that you were in this pain because of him.

"Good." You whispered.

"You can't do stuff like-" He began

"Shut up." You cut him off.

"You can't be stupid enough to act like that in front of an officer. That would have gotten you killed back on base. I'm just trying to protect you." He huffed.

"Protect yourself." You snapped back. The interaction was making you dizzy. "Is that all? Can I go now?" You asked.

"No. Eat." He said. You picked your head up, and stabbed your fork into a melon ball, popping it into your mouth. The act of chewing and swallowing sent sharp pains down your neck, and it was harder than it should have been, but you did it. You opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out at him to show him you had done it.

"There. I'm leaving." You said, pushing yourself up slowly.

"Sit." He ordered.

"Are you going to throw me into a wall again? How about out the window? That might be even more fun, I'd probably get glass everywhere." You shot at him.

"I lost control." He stated.

"Yeah, no shit." You rolled your eyes, and turned to walk away.

"I'm trying to apologize to you, can you just sit back down?" He shouted. You glared back at him, then sat back in your seat. A cramp blew through your abdomen, and you grabbed onto your hips, as if you were trying to force your uterus to stop shedding. "I'm sorry that I lost control. I should have put Hux in his place." He said, setting the fork down beside his plate.

"I wish you would have just finished the job. Another ounce of Force and it probably would have killed me." You shrugged.

"No you don't"

"Okay." You said sarcastically, as if it made it better. He stood up, and crossed the room to you.

"Let me see your head." He said, coming to a stop behind you.

"It's fine." You said, but he moved your hair out of the way anyways, staring at the cut that Tika had sewn up.

"I need you to forgive me." He pleaded, dropping his hands to your shoulders. You shrugged away from him, and stood, putting distance between the two of you. "Walk with me." He said, holding his hand out for you to take. You ignored it, but followed him anyways.

You walked through the halls quietly, and slow, moving too fast made your back tense up more. He led you through the main building, and out into a small courtyard. He walked you to a bench that sat in front of a pond. You lowered yourself onto the seat, breathing in the fresh air. Ren stood facing away from you, staring into the green water.

"I'm sorry." He said again.

"You asked me to walk with you, not talk to you." You shot at him.

He turned, and yelled your name, bringing his fist down onto the bench, cracking the wood beneath his hand. You pictured the wall in the foyer, it would be a permanent reminder that you had created it. "Just listen to me! I'm trying so hard to protect you, but you're making it so difficult."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want your protection?" You yelled back.

"I brought you here to show you that it's not all bad." He explained, holding his arms out to the side, motioning to the rest of the castle. "This could be all ours."

"I never wanted that." You shook your head. "I want my family back, but you made sure to take that away from me." Another cramp flooded your body, and you clenched your legs to try and ease the pain.

"I can be your family." He said, kneeling in front of your, grabbing your hands.

You shook your head at him again, "You don't get it." Tears were forming at your eyes again. The pain was becoming unbearable again. "Can we go back? I just want to go back to sleep." You cried softly. He took a deep breath, and nodded, helping you to your feet.

He walked you back to your room, "I'll send someone to sit with you." He said.

"Tika." You stated, "She's my friend."

"Fine." He turned, leaving you standing in the doorway to your room.

You shuffled your way back to your bed, and pulled yourself under the covers, quickly drifting back to sleep.

—-

It was dark outside, and you woke yourself up sobbing involuntarily. You body was on fire. Your cramps had reached an all time high, sending shockwaves through your whole body, making you nauseous. You rolled over to your side to grab your knees, and felt the pool beneath you again. You pulled the blanket away again, and you heard Tika gasp from the sight. You were covered in blood.

"Shit." You cried. You stood up to pull the blanket off, and Tika helped you to your feet.

"It's okay ma'am, I'll get them!" She jumped into action, gathering the sheets and blankets from you. You were dizzy again, and you felt like you were going to puke, so you lowered yourself to the ground again, leaning your head against the bed frame.

"Are these sheets from today too?" Tika asked, pulling the old ones from the basket. You nodded your head. You thought you must be bleeding out from last nights violence.

"I'm just going to take another bath." You mumbled, pulling yourself to your feet. You took a few steps, but stumbled, and smacked your knees on the floor.

"I think I should get the doctor." Tika said, running over to help you.

"No, it's fine. I just need a bath." Your words slurred. You scrunched your face to get through the cramps.

Ren burst in through the door, "What was that?" He asked, and upon seeing you on the ground he ran over, dropping beside you.

"Get out." You pushed his shoulder, embarrassed that he might see the blood.

Tika put her hand to your face as you tried to stand, "I think she's sick sir."

"Call for the doctor." He ordered her. She stood and ran out of the room. He wrapped his arms under your back and legs, and you tried to push him away again. He laid you on a dry spot in the bed.

"Get out." You said again, reaching for a pillow to throw at him. You were crying again, and you hated him.

"What did you do to yourself?" He accused.

"I didn't do this!" You couldn't believe he had asked that, "You're the one that decided to throw me into the wall."

"I'm not going to let you bleed out." He said. You could feel him panicking. His thoughts were racing, visions of him killing you flashed through his mind.

"This is karma." You coughed, trying to catch your breath between cramps.

"No. You're not going to die." He assured, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "What can I do to make this better?"

"You can leave." You snapped. He cursed beneath his breath. You relaxed your head against the pillow, you couldn't see straight, and your head was spinning like that time you and Kay had gotten one too many drinks at a Cantina. You smiled at the thought of getting to finally see her again. You were going to bleed out in this beautiful room, on this comfortable bed. You filled your lungs with air, then held your breath, hoping that would mask the pain. It didn't. Out of all the ways to die, bleeding out wasn't one you were expecting.

"I said you're not going to die." He said again. He was staring at the door, waiting for someone to come back through.

"No, I'm going to puke." You grabbed onto your mouth, trying to hold it back. He reached his hand out towards the bathroom, and a trash can came flying through the air. You leaned over and he held it under your face, holding your hair back as you retched the single melon ball from breakfast.

"He's on his way." Tika said, breathless from running through the halls. She grabbed a towel from the bathroom to wipe your face. You hated this. You had taken care of yourself your whole life, you didn't need someone to do it now.

You tried to push yourself back up, and Ren put his hand on your back to keep you from falling. You threw your legs over the side of the bed, trying to get up.

"No, lie back down." He picked your legs back up, and set them down on the bed.

"You suck." You pulled your knees to your chest, trying to fight through the pain.

"I know." He said.

Finally there was a knock at the door, and a man entered. Ren refused to take his eyes off of you, as the doctor introduced himself.

"I'm Lin Duelis, you called?" He said, taking a few steps in.

"Sorry you came all the way here, but there is no emergency." You said, trying to sit back up. Ren held you down so you wouldn't hurt yourself. He stood up from beside you, and began to explain what was happening, as if he understood your pain. Actually, he probably did. Your head was loopy, and you had double vision. This is definitely what dying felt like. "He doesn't know anything, can you tell him to leave." You interjected.

"She's lost a lot of blood sir." Tika said from the other side of the bed. The doctor approached you, setting his bag on the bedside table, and pulling instruments from it.

"I do think this matter deserves a bit of privacy." He said, turning back to glance at Ren. You felt the anger rising in him, and if you could have felt your tongue to stick it at him, you would have.

"Fine, I'll be just outside." He snapped. He left the room, and Tika followed, shutting the door behind her.

"Where's the pain centered?" He asked, starting his work up. He pricked at one of your fingers, and collected the blood that came out of it.

"I thought it was just my cycle, but it's way more than that, and my cramps are so bad." You explained. "I never bleed, I've got the implant."

He put the sample of your blood into a small machine, and waited for the results, placing a stethoscope against your chest.

"I've seen you before." You told him, his face looked like one you'd met.

"Any injuries in the last week?" He asked, ignoring you.

"Would you believe me if I said I'd been kidnapped and held hostage and just last night my body went through a wall?" You asked. The doctor looked at you, and frowned.

His machine beeped, and printed out a small paper. He glanced at it, and sighed.

"It's okay if I die." You smiled at him. He grabbed a syringe from his bag, took the cap off, and pushed the air bubbles out.

"You're not dying." The doctor said. He pushed the needle into the crook of your arm, the liquid cooling down your veins. "This will help with the pain." He said. The shot worked instantly, and you felt yourself beginning to breath easier. Your head began to clear again, and you could understand what he was saying better.

"Did you know your midi-chlorian count is twenty-two thousand?" He asked, grabbing the paper again. You shook your head at him. "It means you're Force Sensitive." He explained. A blush crept across your face, that wasn't something that you just wanted everyone to know.

"I'm assuming that's why the First Order has you here." He asked, putting stuff back in his bag. You didn't say anything back to him. "Anyways, I think the midi-chlorians don't like your implant."

You raised your brows at him, still not following.

"You were with child." He said quietly.

You felt your face fall, not the answer you were expecting. "As in...?"

"As in, you're not anymore." He nodded his head.

Well that's a relief. "Which means I'm not dying." You said.

"Not at all." He paused, "You shouldn't have much pain anymore, and although you've lost a lot of blood, I wouldn't worry too much, your body should heal quickly. You've probably already passed it anyways." He packed the rest of his stuff away, and closed his bag. "I can come by in a week to check up on you." His voice was getting quieter, the world was crashing down on you. You nodded your head in understanding. He cleared his throat, and stepped towards the door.

You had a moment to gather your thoughts while Ren accosted him outside of the room. The pain was at a dull roar now, so you stood, and shuffled over to the dresser, changing your clothes once again. 

You could hear him telling Ren the news. You felt his heart stop as he said the words, repeating them back as if he misheard the doctor. He was angry, and sad, and you think you felt disappointment coming from him. The doctor said his goodbyes, and Ren stayed in the hallway for another moment, collecting his racing thoughts. 

He swung the door open wide, searching the room for you, finding you clutching the dresser so you wouldn't collapse. He stared at you for a minute from the doorway. You'd never seen him this flustered before, and it broke your heart. He entered the room, closing the distance between the two of you, and wrapped you in his arms.

"I don't even know-" You cried into his shirt. He shushed you, pulling you in tighter.

You buried your face in his chest again, wanting to disappear into it. He scooped his arms under your knees, and pulled you up to him, carrying you for the second time that night. He brought you back to his room, and tucked you under the covers, where you feel asleep wrapped in his arms.


	20. Chapter 20

The few days following passed by in silence, neither of you wanting to start that conversation you needed to have. The tension was suffocating, but you couldn't find the right words to break it. You slept a lot, surrounded by his arms most of the time. He would stroke your hair, or run his fingers up and down your spine, a constant reminder that he was there for you. You didn't cry after that first night, you honestly didn't feel the need too, Ren could tell how you were feeling without the physical action.

He had asked you if you were alright for the fifteenth time that morning, and finally, you couldn't handle the stress of it anymore. You rolled out of his bed, and threw your boots on.

"Where are you going?" He asked lazily, pushing himself onto his elbows.

"I just need to get some fresh air." You sighed.

"I'll come with you." He said, pulling the covers off of him.

"No!" You blurted out, "No, it's okay. I just want to be alone." You said.

His face fell in disappointment, "Okay." He nodded, getting up to open the door for you.

You loved being wrapped up in the bed with him, but you couldn't bear to hear him ask you how you were one more time. Truthfully, you were fine. The pain subsided after the doctor left, and you hadn't had much more evidence of it other than that. To say the least, you were relieved.

But you could tell he was not handling it well. He held it together for the most part, but you felt his silent sobs that first night. It broke your heart hearing him sniffle against your back. You felt like maybe you should feel differently, but you just couldn't.

You had two more days before you returned to the Supremacy, where you'd face Snoke and Hux, for the last time. You'd tell them once again that you won't join them, and that would be the end of that. You sure as hell didn't want your final two days to be sad.

Your feet carried you to your room, you hadn't bee in here since that night. It had been completely cleaned, everything stripped and washed, any sign of it completely erased from all but your memory. You hadn't even had a chance to explain to Tika, though she probably knew this whole time.

You changed out of your pajamas, and into some leggings and a sweater, you needed to feel like a human being again. You stepped out barefoot onto the balcony, and sat yourself on the ground near the edge, looking out over the field. You closed your eyes in meditation, the first time since that night. You were overwhelmed with voices, all calling out to you. This had never happened before, and it was overbearing. You pleaded with them to talk one at a time, but they wouldn't listen. Words flew through the air, a jumbled mess that your mind couldn't comprehend.

Even in your calmest state you weren't able to get the relief you so needed. You pushed them away, silencing them. You took another deep breath, setting your intention on one person in particular.

You wished your mother was here now, this is something you should be going through with her. Although she wasn't Force sensitive, you hoped some higher power would have mercy on you and show her to you. Even just to hear her voice again for once. You felt like she was the only one who could help you now, or at least bring you peace.

You sat out there for what felt like hours, the sun shining on your face, healing your soul. You listened to the birds chirping, and the way the wind whistled through the grass. It was soothing.

You heard your name called out from inside of your room. Ren was standing in the doorway, watching you. The bags under his eyes had darkened in the days before, and he had a permanent frown plastered on his face. You turned back around to look out off the balcony. You knew it was coming, you just didn't want it to. You took another deep breath, and listened as his footsteps got closer. He lowered himself next to you, crossing his legs just as you had.

"I'm so sorry." He said, his eyes peering through the rails on the balcony.

"Stop." You shook your head.

"What?" He was confused.

"Stop apologizing." You said through your teeth.

"You have every right to be mad at me." He dropped his head in defeat.

"I'm not mad at you." You snapped, "At least not because of that." You implied

"Then what?" He still didn't get it.

"I need you to stop asking me if I'm okay, and to stop apologizing." You said, releasing the pressure from your chest. "I'm fine. I'm relieved actually."

"Oh." He trailed off, not what he was expecting. "But, It's okay if you're not fine."

"Ren!" You shouted, pushing yourself up, "Are you serious?" You paced in front of him. You didn't mean to loose your cool, but you just couldn't take it anymore. "Are you fine? Because it seems like maybe you're projecting?"

"Whoa, okay, I am not projecting." He raised his arms in defense.

"Really? Honestly, why would I be upset? That's not something I wanted." You came to a stop in front of him. He stared at you with sad eyes, ruminating on your words. "Are you serious?"

"I thought we could-"

"Could what, Ren? Be a happy little family?" You raised your brows, but didn't give him a chance to answer. "How could that ever work?"

"We would have figured it out." He shrugged.

"I don't want that! Not here, not now, not with-"

"With me?" He stood, towering in front of you.

"That's not-" You stopped yourself from finishing your sentence. He was right, you didn't want that with him. "We could never have that."

"Why not?" He asked, grabbing your wrists and pulling them close to him.

"I'm not going to be your prisoner for the rest of my life!" You yelled, pulling back from him, "Is that what you want?"

"No, I want you to rule with me." He explained.

"That will never happen." You snorted, the thought of it repulsed you. "I thought I could help you, get you back to the light, and show you that it would all be good again."

He was speechless again, he hadn't seen that coming either.

"I was wrong though." You snarled, "You're a coward."

Anger crossed his face.

"You know what? Kylo Ren is strong, and powerful, and hateful, and all of those things are really shitty, but at least he wasn't a fucking coward." You shot at him. "And Ben Solo is the weak one. The one who runs away from his problems, and projects onto other people!" You were yelling at this point, not caring if the whole palace could hear.

"Stop." He warned.

"I can't decide which one is better honestly." You laughed, and bit the inside of your cheek, watching as he pursed his lips and furrowed his brows. "When we go back to Snoke in two days, he's going to kill me first, and then once he realizes you're not Kylo Ren anymore, he will kill you too."You spit.

"Enough!" He yelled. He sent his fist flying through the air, colliding with a flower pot.

"You're weak, Ben Solo!" This is the fight you needed to heal, to cut your connection to him off, so when you died, he would get to live.

"And you're nothing but Rebel Scum." He sneered, his chest heaving with heavy breaths. You wanted to reach out to him, to apologize for what you had said, but you knew it was better this way.

"Get out of my room." You growled, pointing your finger at the door. He took one last breath, and looked you in the eyes. You felt like he knew that you had intentionally set him off. There was something in him that had accepted that it was better this way. Without another word, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You breathed a sigh of relief, and stood out on the balcony for a few more moments, collecting yourself. You wouldn't let yourself be sad, you were tired of the sadness engulfing you. You pushed dit away, vowing not to feel it ever again.

—-

Doctor Lin Duelis arrived shortly the next morning, and Tika allowed him into your room. You sat on the couch this time, as he pricked your finger and asked you routine questions.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked.

"Yes." You nodded, reeling back because you hated the question.

"I think we should take your old implant out, the midi-chlorians have basically rendered it useless anyways." He suggested.

"Fine." It didn't matter anyways.

"The other night, I recognized you as soon as I entered this room." He said nonchalantly.

"Oh?" You asked, you had remembered thinking that he was familiar. He pulled his coat to the side to reveal the Resistance symbol stitched into his undershirt. Your eyes grew wide, and you had a million questions for him. "How did-"

Kylo Ren cleared his throat from the doorway, "How is everything?"

The doctor gave you a look, trying to tell you he would explain later. He didn't know there wouldn't be a later.

"It's fine, what do you need?" You spat. He rolled his eyes, but stood still in the doorway.

"Just watching." He motioned for Lin to continue.

"I'm just going to make a small incision to take this out here." Lin squeezed your arm, the scalpel slicing through your skin. He grabbed a pair of tweezers, and pulled the tiny, obviously useless chip out. "You're going to probably want to use other forms of contraception now." He said.

Your face turned bright red, the heat creeping up your cheeks, and you looked Ren right in the eyes and said, "Oh don't worry. It won't happen again." He bit the inside of his cheek, and narrowed his eyes at you.

"Okay, well I think that's everything. Your scans are clear of infection, so you should be good." Lin said, placing his instruments back into his back. You wished Ren would leave so you could asked him everything, but he never budged from the door frame. Lin left with a small nod, promising to check in on you. You smiled your last goodbye at him.

You got up off the couch, and followed him to the door. Ren stepped to the side as he exited, and you slammed the door in his face. You walked back over to the couch and picked up the book you had been reading in your short time here. You were trying to finish it before tomorrow. You only got a few words in when you heard the door creak open again. You look dup to see Ren standing in the doorway again.

"Was the slamming not enough to deter you?" You asked, trying not to give him the time of day.

"There's been a change of plans, we're leaving now." He growled.

"What, no? I've got one more day, I need to finish my book!"

"Five minutes, be ready to go, or I will drag you to of here." He said, closing the door behind him.

"Well shit." You threw your book onto the table, what a waste of time. You didn't have anything to gather, it's not like you would need it anyways. So you took this final five minutes to find Tika.

She was in the dining room, and tears were falling from her eyes. She turned as you entered, and tried to wipe them away before you could see. You ran over to her and pulled her into an embrace.

"What's wrong?" You asked, pulling her in close.

"I'm so sorry." She cried, "It's not fair."

"Tika, it's going to be okay." You assured her.

"No, It's not. You've been such a good friend to me, and now they're going to do what they do best." She sniffled into your shoulder.

You wondered how she had found out. Or maybe she knew the whole time that this was how it would end. "Tika, I will always be here with you." It was so stereotypical to say, but sometimes that's what was needed. "You've been such a good friend to me." You wiped the tears from your eyes. She squeezed your shoulders tighter.

"What do they say out there?" She asked, thinking for a moment, "Oh." She said, recalling. She pulled her face from your shoulder, and looked into your eyes.

"May the Force be with you." She said, her voice cracking on the last word. You couldn't hold it in anymore, you let your tears fall free. This was the most upsetting part of your week. She wiped your tears with her apron, and gave one final hug. You nodded your head at her, a final farewell.

You made your way out to the throne room, taking it in one last time, wincing when you got the the hole in the wall. Yeah, maybe you wouldn't miss this place as much as you thought.

"Let's go." Ren said, exiting his hallway, his data pad in his hands. He was fully dressed in his First Order uniform, the helmet covering his beautiful face. He led you out of the palace, and through the streets to his ship. You took deep breaths as you walked, trying to remember all of the smells and taking in as much fresh air as you could.

You boarded the same command shuttle that brought you here, sitting in the same seat to the right of Ren, and watched as he flipped the switches to power on the ship.

You stared out of the window as the stars flew by, trying to hold in all of the memories you could.

You were back on the dreadnought soon enough, and you succumbed to the darkness as soon as you entered the docking bay.

He led you through the hallways, the crew parted as you followed him, as if they knew he was leading you to your death. You turned down the hallway your quarters had been in, and you stopped at the door.

"Wait here." He said, the door swinging open for you. He began to turn away to leave.

"Wait, Ren." You whispered. "I'm sorry." You said. You didn't want it to end this way, with the guilt of hurting him on your conscience. He didn't say anything, but cocked his head to the side. You couldn't see the look on his face, but you hoped it was understanding. He walked away, and the door shut you in the room.

You waited for someone to escort you, and finally, a trooper came. You didn't need him to remind you how to get to Snokes' throne room, your feet brought you there whether you wanted them to or not.

Snoke was there, sitting in his stupid chair, all of his guards beside him. Ren wasn't there. He didn't care. You stepped in, and the door closed, locking you in there with him.

Snoke hummed at you, watching as you walked to right in front of him. "Welcome back." He said, "I heard about your little stunt with Hux last week." He raised his naked brow at you.

"I don't like him." You shrugged. Who cares what you said now.

"Yes, well, who does?" He chuckled. "Enough with the small talk. Ren has said that you've agreed to join us?" He asked. You heard the door to the conference room to the side open, and Kylo Ren stepped through it, his cloak slapping at his ankles as he marched in.

"Uh-" You started, looking between the two of them.

"She has." Ren interrupted. "She'll be a great asset."

"Good!" Snoke clapped his hands. "Now let's hear her say it."

You turned to look at Ren, your eyes asking him what you should do. He sent a wave of calmness over you, and you turned back to look at Snoke, still unsure of what to say. You froze in place, while you waited for the next cue from Ren.

"You can't speak now?" Snoke asked, your silence infuriating him.

'Go' You heard in your head. You began to step forward towards Snoke, and his men tensed beside him. You weren't sure exactly what you were doing, but it felt right.

"Supreme leader, I-" You were so close now the you could have reached out and touched him if you needed to. You kneeled at his feet, and closed your eyes, reaching out to Ren again.

Snokes' eyes never left you, smiling as you kneeled before him. Your brain was going through light-speed, a mess of emotions again as you stepped further away from Ren.

"Say it." He growled. You gulped, and took a deep breath.

"Go. Fuck. Yourself." You said, spitting at his feet.

His eyes flashed with fire, he pulled you up into his hold, snatching the air from your lungs.

"You're going to regret that, little girl!" He yelled, tightening the invisible fist around your airway. You clutched at your throat, hoping it would be over soon.

Your vision began to spot as your airway restricted tighter, your stomach felt like it was being tied in knots.

And then you fell to the ground, clutching at your abdomen, trying to catch your breath. You heard boots hitting the floors, a battle was ensuing behind your back. You looked up just in time to see Ren pull his saber from Snokes' body. He stepped back towards you, rage bubbling from his pores. You could see the betrayal on Snokes' cold dead face, he thought he had won.

Ren grabbed you by the arm, pulling you to your feet, and hooking his arm around your waist to keep you close to him. He whipped you around, and you were staring at a mass of bodies fighting for dominance in the room. The red guards that followed Snoke were fighting with masked men, that all looked strikingly similar to Ren.

"What the hell did you do?" You asked through raggedy breaths. You were still trying to decipher the scene that was unfolding in front of you. The men in all black were easily overpowering the guards.

A guard broke away from the crowd, lunging towards you and Ren. He pushed you out of the way, and swung his saber down, colliding with his weapon. You wanted to help, you couldn't just watch helplessly. You took a step forward, reaching out to try and push the guard back. Ren waved his hand to the ground in your direction, and your hand fell, your feet sticking in their spot. You were frozen. You swore under your breath, trying to get out so you could help.

Ren swung his saber down, slicing through the guards helmet, and pushed him to the floor. The others had taken down all but one guard, and they circled around him like he was their prey. Someone stabbed their scythe into his back, and they watched as he crumbled.

"Ren, What are we-"

"Shut up." He commanded, the men turning to face him. The throne room had seen better days, it looked like a battlefield now, in ruins. "Take her to the Finalizer, and tell Hux to report to me." He ordered.

"Wait, Ren," He let go of his hold on you, and you clung to him, unsure of the group of men in front of you. "What did you do?" You asked again.

His helmet reflected your face back at you, unable to tell what he was thinking. One of the men grabbed you by your waist, pulling you off of him. You thrashed against him, you weren't leaving until you got your answer. Ren put his hand up to stop you, "Sleep." He said. Your eyes felt heavy as you tried to fight against it. Gods you hated when he did this. You slumped your head back onto the mans shoulder, and drifted away.


	21. Chapter 21

You couldn't get your eyes to adjust to the dark room you were in. You were wrapped up in a blanket, in an unfamiliar bed. There was no sound in the room, other than your heartbeat in your chest. You sat up in the bed, and a small nightlight turned on with the motion. Your eyes strained against the dim light, taking in your surroundings. The bed sat in the middle of the room, and a desk and chair against the wall. The light turned off, and you waved your hand, igniting it again. You counted three doors in the room, and out of one, a bit of light shone through the bottom.

You got up, and tip toed over to the door. You could hear a pair of boots shuffling outside, it sounded like they'd been pacing back and forth, but you couldn't hear anything else. You put you ear up to the door, listening for anything. You heard another door open from the outside, and another pair of boots hitting the ground. The door didn't allow you to hear anything but grumbles between the two pairs of feet. You rolled your eyes, and stepped away. You slid your hands against the wall, searching for a light switch. You circled the whole room, and finally found one next to the bed. You switched it on, and took in the rest of the room. You knew exactly where you were once the lights were in, this is what you had pictured his room on Naboo to look like. There wasn't any decorations, just the basic furniture he would need; the bed, desk, and a small sitting area. You ventured to the second door, pushing the door open to reveal the bathroom. And then the third door. This one had a data pad on the wall, and you needed a code to enter. You could only imagine what secrets hid behind that door.

You walked back over to the bed, and wrapped yourself up in the blanket. You had forgotten how cold space was.

The feet shuffled closer to the door, and you heard a pretty clear 'Yes sir' from one of the voices. The door slid open, and Ren entered, followed by the masked man who had brought you here. He ignored you as he stepped over to the desk, and grabbed the data pad you had missed. He clicked a few of the buttons on it before addressing you.

"You're in a lot of trouble." He said. You turned to the other mask, almost as if to ask him to help you out here. He gave you nothing. "The other generals are very upset."

"I didn't even-"

"They want you executed." He interrupted

"Yeah, well, what's new?" You snorted, throwing yourself back onto the bed. "Who's your friend?" You nodded at the mask, leaning against the wall.

"That's Ushar." He looked away from his datapad, and you stared into his helmet. "One of my knights." He explained.

"Taking your royal title finally?" You shrugged, antagonizing him. If you could have seen his eyes you were sure they would have been glaring into your soul. "And the others?"

"The Knights of Ren serve me. Right now they're probably off terrorizing Hux I'd assume." He said. Ushar chuckled at him.

"Uh, is he going to stay?" You asked, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

"Does he need to leave?" Ren was staring back down at his datapad, almost as if he was uninterested in your conversation.

"I mean, I'd like to talk about what happened."

Ren nodded his head and hummed. "Fine." Ushar took his cue, and exited the room, the door closing behind him.

You didn't know where to start. "Take the mask off." You whispered. His hands lifted to his face, pulling it away, revealing the eyes that you had dreamt about on countless occasions.

"You dream about me?" He smirked.

"No." You said quickly, heat rising to your cheeks. "What happened back there?" You changed the subject.

"Snoke was trying to kill you." He said.

"I knew that was going to happen when we stepped back onto the ship. What I didn't know was that you were going to pull a crazy stunt like that." You pushed yourself to the end of the bed to be closer to him.

"It worked didn't it?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"You killed him." You threw your arms out of the blanket, "Now what?"

"I'm the Supreme Leader." He said, still looking at the ceiling as if there was a script for him up there.

"What does that even mean?" You sighed.

"It means I get to call the shots now. Not Hux, not Snoke." He stood, looking down at you, "Just me." It was a threat.

"What did you tell the others?" You gulped. He turned the side of his mouth up into a small smile. You knew where this was going, but you needed him to confirm it.

"I told them that you killed Snoke." He said. Your mouth fell open slightly, as you processed what he had said. "That's why they're mad."

"Why would you do that?" You said softly.

"It doesn't matter what they think anyways." He sat next to you on the bed, "I'm the Supreme Leader now. I get to decide." He picked up a lock of your hair, and twirled it between his fingers. You leaned away from him, pulling your hair out of his leather fingers.

"Don't touch me." You snarled.

"I'm not going to make you join the First Order, but I promise you this," He leaned close to your face, his hot breath hitting your lips, "You will never get to leave." He finished.

You stared down at his perfect lips, but instead of wanting to kiss them, they repulsed you. You felt the tears pooling at your eyes, and he lifted his hand to wipe them. You shot out of the bed, away from him.

"Why'd you bring me here?" You asked, bringing your arms around your torso.

"Don't worry, we're not staying much longer." He stood, and picked his helmet up of the desk. "Ushar will watch over you. Don't set him off though, he has a bit of a temper." He winked.

The door opened and closed, leaving you the room to yourself. You couldn't stand to sit in the bed again. You paced back and forth all night, waiting for your next move.

—-

Ushar was escorting you to a docking bay, and Rens' ship was there waiting for you. He tried to grab your elbow to guide you up the ramp, but you pulled away, cursing him out. Ren was in the pilots seat, already performer the safety checks. Ushar buckled your harness, just as Ren had done the first time. He hadn't left your side since Ren left you last night. You tried to explain you weren't some weakling who needed protection all the time, and he just shrugged.

"I can do this myself." You swatted his hands out of the way as he tried to grab the strap at your hip. You pulled it over yourself, and locked it into place, pursing your lips at him.

"Didn't I tell you not to set him off?" Ren sighed, shaking his head at you.

"Have I ever listened to you?" The sarcasm was heavy. He nodded in agreement, and Ushar exited the ship, closing the ramp behind him. Rens' ship lurched forward, and out of the hangar.

You folded your arms over your chest, and turned your head and body away from him. He had been blocking you out ever since he saved you. "I hate this ship." You growled.

"Mhmm." He murmured

"And I hate Ushar."

"Yep."

"And your room."

"Okay, anything else?"

"And you." You shot.

"There it is." He grumbled.

You felt immediate regret saying it, but something had come over you and it just blurted out.

A shadow came over your ship, and you looked out the window, staring up at the sky.

"What is that?" You asked.

"My knights." He mumbled.

"Great." You sat back in your seat.

It didn't take long to reach your destination.

"One more thing." You said. He cocked his head to the side, waiting for the rest. "I fucking hate Naboo."

—-

"Oh my stars, just leave me alone!" You yelled, throwing your book at Ushar.

"Supreme Leader said I wasn't allowed to." He shrugged.

"I'm not even doing anything!" You pleaded, "I just want to be alone."

"Sorry babe, not leaving." He chuckled.

"Do not call me babe." You spat. You walked towards him to pick up your book. "You know, I bet there are thousands of pretty women somewhere in this city who would love the attention from you." You rolled your eyes.

"Not you though, right?" He teased.

"Ugh!" You threw yourself back onto the couch, flipping the book onto your face.

You'd been back for two months now. Ushar had been your own personal bodyguard the whole time, only trading shifts in the middle of the night for a few hours to get some rest. You couldn't imagine another person more annoying than he was. Ren was right, he did have a bad temper, but he could use it to turn on you and say just the right things to set you off.

You hadn't seen Ren since you got here, not that you wanted to anyways.

"You know, I've been meaning to ask you," You sat up, "Which one of the others is your boyfriend?"

He snorted at you, and shook his head.

"It's just that, when I mentioned all of the women in the city, you didn't seem too interested. And it has to get pretty lonely in the Night Buzzard sometimes." You threw your chin over the back of the chair, balancing the book on top of your head, "So tell me, who do you go cuddle with at night when you're not here."

"How do you know I'm not in there thinking about you?" He said, drawing out the last word.

You feigned innocence, "How would your Supreme Leader feel about that?" You laughed. At least he had a good sense of humor.

"Ahem." Kuruk cleared his throat from the hallway. "Master Ren would like to see her." He said quietly. Ushar nodded, and motioned for you to follow.

"Ah, I get it." You said, getting to your feet, "You know, that makes perfect sense. Pilots have to have really quick fingers. I bet Kuruk knows exactly which button to press." You winked. You imagined Kuruk looking at you under his mask in confusion. "Don't worry guys, your secret is safe with me."

"You know, you kind of sound like you're speaking from experience?" Ushar insisted. You stopped in your tracks, your eyes widened at him. You wondered how much he knew. You could feel the amusement coming from him. "Master Ren has a pretty big ship, doesn't he." He added. Your cheeks burned, and you turned your head to the floor as you followed through the hallways.

This would be your first meeting with Ren since you'd arrived, the first time you'd spoken to him. The knights opened the doors to reveal a conference room. Ren sat at the end of the table, surrounded by the First Order generals. You weren't expecting an audience, and you straightened up and brushed out your dress. General Hux sat beside Ren, nose turned up at you. Ushar closed the door quietly behind you, locking you in here with your enemies.

"Why should we allow her to stand here now?" Hux said.

"She's going to apologize." Ren said, sitting back in his seat.

"I'm what?" You raised your brows.

"You're lucky that Ren was there to protect you from Snokes' guards, They would have made your death drawn out and miserable." Another general said.

"I'm sorry, what?" You craned your neck forward in disbelief.

"I don't see the point in keeping her around." Hux said again.

"Well, get on with it." Someone said, waving their hand at you. You looked to Ren for some kind of clue to fill you in.

He clenched his fist, "Apologize." He ordered.

"I'm sorry for killing Snoke." The words slipped out of your mouth before you had time to process that he had just used a mind trick on you. You narrowed your eyes at him.

"And I think you owe your new Supreme Leader a thank you for allowing you to live." Hux snarled. You turned your head to him, giving him the same look you gave him the night your fist collided with his face. You watched him shrink back into his seat. You turned back to Ren.

"Thank you, Supreme Leader, for keeping me alive." You said through your teeth. You could tell he was eating this up, and you hated it. You'd rather be hanging out with Ushar right now, and that was saying something.

"You're excused." Ren waved, allowing you to exit the room. Ushar was waiting outside of the doors for you.

"Your Supreme Leader is a dick." You grumbled to him. He chuckled, and followed you. You didn't want to go back to your stupid room, so you led him into the kitchen. The waitstaff tensed as he entered behind you, and you spotted Tika chopping some onions. You grabbed her arm, and stole her away into the pantry, locking yourself in before Ushar had the chance to follow you in. He stood outside of the door, waiting for your exit.

You had given Tika the biggest hug when you returned, and now, this was part of your daily routine. You'd steal a few minutes of her time in the pantry to vent to her, and her to you. With the Knights here, they were feeding double what they usually fed, and from what she had mentioned, they didn't have any manners.

"I can't stand them." You huffed, throwing your arms across your chest.

"I understand that." She rolled her eyes, wiping her hands off on her apron.

"What are the chances I can jump off my balcony again and sneak away?" You laughed.

She looked at you in horror, "They'll kill you for sure if you do." She gripped your arms, not quite grasping the sarcasm yet.

"I think I'm only a few more days from driving Ushar off the rails." You smiled. She got the humor there.

"Maybe then he'll say please and thank you at the table." She laughed.

"Have you heard what they've been talking about in there?" You leaned against the wall, picking up and apple from the shelf beside you.

"Mostly you." She said.

"Of course." You wiped the apple on your dress, and took a bite. "Okay, well, I'll let you get back to it." You pushed the door open, trying to push it into Ushar. He stepped out of the way before it hit him. "I'll see you later." You waved, nodding your head at the rest of the staff.

You left the kitchen, and made your way outside. You plopped yourself under the trees, stretching your legs out in front of you. The Jedi had been real quiet since you got back, no one wanted to come forward and give you any advice. They surely sensed the darkness that surrounded you. You closed your eyes, a light breeze whipping through your hair, calming your nerves. You reached out to the ground, picking up small fistfuls of dirt, feeling it slide between your fingers.

"Too close." You said, "We've talked about this Ushar, you can't be creepy out here either." You turned your head to glare at him, and instead met eyes with an even bigger pain in your ass. "Oh." You said, looking back in front of you.

"What was that about Ushar being a creep?" He asked.

"Nothing. What do you want." You rolled your eyes.

"You looked lonely out here." He claimed.

"No, I have Ushar-" You pointed at where he would usually stand, but he wasn't there. You cursed under your breath. "Don't you have company to entertain?"

"They're leaving. They just came to hear you apologize." He stepped closer.

"If only they knew it wasn't voluntary."

"You could have resisted." He suggested, finally standing next to you. You looked up at him, and shielded the sun from your eyes.

"Yeah, because that's worked so well for me." You rolled your eyes at him.

"Anyways, I actually came out here to retrieve you for dinner." He said, looking out across the lake in front of you.

"With you and your buddies? No thanks, I'll eat in my room." You laughed.

"No, just you and me." He said, looking down at you.

"Oh." You whispered, the air leaving your lungs. He held his hand out for you to take. You stared at it for a moment, then placed your hand softly in his. He helped you up, and the two of you walked to the palace together.

Gods this was awkward. You hadn't seen him in two months, and now twice in one day.

Your heart was beating out of your chest as he pulled your chair out for you. You didn't know what to say to him. He ate quietly, but acted as if the last two months never happened. You pushed the food around your plate, wanting to speak.

"Ren?" You started.

"It's okay." He nodded, placing his fork into his mouth.

"I'm really sorry I said those things." You apologized. It had been eating you alive, both of you could feel it.

"I know." He chewed slowly, meeting your eyes.

"I shouldn't have ever said it. It was really selfish." You continued, "I didn't mean it."

He said your name, quieting you. "I know." He said again.

"Okay." You whispered.

"Okay." He nodded, then continued his meal.

He walked you back to your room, you wanted to hold him, to feel him again, but you couldn't bring yourself to touch him. If it wouldn't have been for the lingering silence, you would have thought things were back to how they were before. He stopped at your door, where you kissed him your first night here. You looked back at him, the memory flashing to your eyes. That time was over though. You swung the door open, and stepped through. You watched him turn to leave, and your hand reached out to grab onto him.

"Ren?" You breathed, "Can you come in?" You asked, opening the door wider. His eyes flashed to yours, and a small grin crept across his face. He stepped through the door, and shut it behind him, closing out the outside world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! I appreciate each and every one of you:)


	22. Chapter 22

How had you gotten to this point? You fought with Ren, then had absolutely no contact with him for two months, and now, after one small conversation, you were laying on his bare chest, tracing pictures with his freckles. He had his arm slung over your behind, his eyes closed, drifting to sleep.

He was gorgeous when he slept. His face was soft, his eyes fluttered every once in a while, and he snored. You hated snoring, it drove you insane. But his snoring was like a sirens song.

You shouldn't have let him in, but you couldn't stop yourself from saying the words. It felt natural; organic even. You gave yourself back to him so easily, and he knew you had been longing for him. When you were with him you felt whole again.

He stirred, pulling you into him closer, "You're staring."

You shot your eyes back to his chest, "No I wasn't." You mumbled.

"It's okay, I know I can be hard to keep your eyes off of." He chuckled.

"This whole Supreme Leader thing has gotten to your head." You rolled your eyes, and snuggled into his ribs. He pressed his lips into the top of your head. Stuff like that made you melt into him even more, you almost couldn't imagine a life without him.

He had said before that he could be your family, and a part of you was beginning to believe him.

"I like it when you think about me." He smiled.

"Hey!" You shot your head up to look at him, "It's really not fair that you're always listening to me, but I can't hear you."

"Learn to use your powers better." He shrugged. You shook your head at him, and tried to think of other things. The first thing to pop into your head was an old hologram that you would watch when you were a teenager, about your favorite singer.

"Don't tell me you like that trash." He groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes.

"Excuse me, Tala Tilo was one of the greatest entertainers of her generation." You explained. "Plus, I was like, 13 when I first saw this performance. What were you listening to at 13?" You asked sarcastically.

"Holocrons of ancient Jedi code." He said, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Well, they obviously didn't teach you enough." You murmured beneath your breath, a part of you hoping he had heard you.

"They taught me that the Jedi were wrong." He sat up, pushing you to the side.

You pushed yourself to your elbow, your head resting on your shoulder. "Okay, you don't have to get all moody."

"You don't know when enough is enough!" He raised his voice.

"Sorry." You sighed, falling onto your back to stare at the ceiling. There was no winning with him. His head turned to you, and he rested it in the palms of his hands.

"Now you're the one staring." You mocked.

"I'm thinking about how you drive me absolutely insane." He said softer.

"You're welcome."

A smile crept across his face, and he attacked, leaning over into you. His face met your belly, and he nuzzled into it. You giggled against him, as his lips grazed at your skin, almost like he was blowing raspberries. He moved further down to your waist, the raspberries turning into kisses.

By now the sun was beginning to rise out of your window, it sent rays across your bodies, highlighting all of the best parts.

You pulled his head back up to your face, and kissed his forehead, then each cheek, and then finally, his lips. He pushed the blankets off of you, and pulled your hips close to his.

His grip left your hip, and his fingers traveled to your sweet spot, his lips never leaving yours. You could feel him growing against your thigh. He swirled his thumb across your clit, and you parted your lips against his, a low whine escaping before he shoved his tongue into your mouth. He slid his finger up and down your slit, working his way in slowly.

Even though you had spent the whole night wrapped around him, you still hadn't had enough.

"You like that?" He groaned, the single digit flexing against your insides.

"Yess." You drew out, craning your neck back.

He added a second finger, and rubbed at your tender spot quicker, with more precision. He was looking down at you from above, watching you crumble at just a touch.

"Ren, please?" You whined, not sure if you wanted more, or if you wanted permission.

"Please what?" He implored.

"Fuck, uh," You breathed, pushing your nails into his forearm, "I need to-"

He pushed his fingers into your harder, curling them as he did. "Use your words." He snickered.

"Ren, please," you paused, scrunching up your face, "Please can I-"

"No." He said, pulling his fingers away. "Not yet." He smiled. You stared up at him, resisiting the urge to unfold, wanting to cry that he had stopped. You clenched your fists, fighting the feeling. "Good girl." He hummed, pushing the hair out of your face.

He swung his leg over your body, straddling you, his cock resting on your stomach, "Take it." He ordered. You eyed him, his chest rising and falling with each ragged breath. "Do you want to cum?" He asked, the invisible force began to lightly pulsate at your cunt.

"Yes." You exhaled, taking his shaft in the palm of your hand. You rubbed your thumb over the tip, and spread your fingers around his length, massaging and sliding your hand up and down, as the pressure was building between your legs. He wrapped his hand around your waist, and arched your back up more. The angle was terrible, but you didn't care as long as he kept doing what he was. You were close again. You adjusted your hand, and the force stopped.

"Ren!" You cried out again, letting him fall back onto your stomach. You tried to clench your thighs together, to alleviate the pressure.

"Not yet." He growled, sliding himself down, and prying your legs apart. You tried to hold them closed, to assert your dominance.

"Only good girls get to cum." He laughed, embarrassing you with the new nickname. You swallowed your pride, and spread yourself for him. He nodded, and guided himself into you.

His thrusts were heavy, and his cock was breaking you apart. You grabbed onto the sheets to keep from pushing your nails through his skin. He grabbed onto your breasts, kneading them beneath his fingers. Your hips smacked together, matching his grunts, as he pounded himself into you.

"Fuck," He moaned, picking one of your legs up to lean against. You felt his power again, adding extra stimulation to your sensitive clit.

"Faster!" You begged, encouraging him. He quickened his pace, and you had to bite your tongue to keep from screaming.

"Are you my good girl?" He grunted.

"Yes, Ren, I'm your good girl." You repeated, your eyes fluttering, trying to keep his gaze.

"Who do you belong to?" He pressed.

"You." You blurted, "I belong to you."

"Good." He exhaled. He thrusted deeper still.

"Okay, please." You cried out, "Please can I cum?"

"Wait." He ordered, placing a hand over your mouth. He was using one of his stupid mind tricks on you, keeping you in limbo, torturing your poor body. He pressed one of his fingers onto your clit, just holding it there, keeping you on his hook. As much as you wanted to defy him, you couldn't, your body just wouldn't disobey the order. You moaned in frustration, waiting for him to say the word. He loved seeing you squirm beneath him. You felt him twitching inside of you, ready to release his load.

"Open your mouth." He ordered, and you did as he said, though this time willingly. He pulled out of your swollen core, and brought his cock to your face, stroking it over you. The force once again swirled over your nub, sending you into a frenzy, an itch that you couldn't quite scratch.

He moaned as he shot hot ropes of cum onto your chin, and into your mouth. It dribbled down your neck, reaching your collar bone. He looked you into the eyes again as you were covered in his seed, "Your turn." He smirked, and it all came crashing down onto you. The denial before made it even better, and you felt like you were floating. Euphoria ripped through your body, your legs were vibrating beneath him, and your toes curled. His finger swiped up your breast, to your neck, and across your chin, collecting what you had missed. He stuck his finger in your mouth, and pushed your jaw closed, your lips closing around his finger.

"Suck." He said. You did as he said, cleaning him like your life depended on it. You swallowed, and opened your mouth to show him you were done. Your body was still reeling from the orgasm, and he collapsed onto your chest, your breath falling into rhythm with his. He flipped your bodies over, pulling you back onto his chest.

"I can do those mind tricks too, ya know?" You breathed.

"I don't think you can." He smirked, running his fingers through your hair.

"Is that a challenge?" You laughed.

"I guess it is." He shrugged, smiling down at you. His stupid smile that made your knees weak.

"Ushar is probably outside of this room listening to us. I have a theory that he's kind of a creep." You pointed at the door.

"Oh really?" He hummed.

"Yeah, you have some weird friends." You teased.

"Should we see?" He asked.

"What?" You panicked, "No!"

"Ushar?" Ren yelled, summoning the minion. The door began to open, and you squealed. You slid off the opposite side of the bed, and threw a sheet at Ren.

"Yes Master Ren?" He chuckled.

"I guess you were right." Ren smiled slyly, putting his hands behind his head. He was showing off.

"Ushar!" You yelled, "Get out!" You were still hiding behind the bed.

He bowed at you, and began to close the door, "I guess you were speaking from experience." He muttered, loud enough for you to hear the reference from your conversation the day before.

"Prick." You rolled your eyes, and the door clicked shut. You turned your attention to Ren, "Seriously?" You stood from behind the bed, and slammed a pillow into his torso.

"Well, now we know." He giggled. You stared at him in disbelief, but you couldn't make yourself get angry with him, in fact, you were laughing too.

"I'm going to take a bath." You glared, shuffling towards the bathroom.

"Is that an invitation?" He teased.

"Only if you're going to be nice!" You called from the archway.

"Only a little." He smiled, jumping up to join you.

Something in you had changed. You weren't sure if it was a submission, or if you had just given up on an escape. Ren changed too. He was in control now, and you could see the power in his eyes.

He toted you around the palace as he worked, like he held you on a leash. You did everything together now; Eat, sleep, meditate, and when he would work, you would read, or sometimes take walks accompanied by Ushar. Ren didn't like for you to be alone. He explained it was for your own safety, not that he didn't trust you, although you weren't sure which was truer.

You weren't allowed in the room when he spoke to his colleagues, though sometimes you could hear him yelling at Hux from across the palace. It was entertaining to say the least.

He was always on edge, you could feel it in him. You'd be sat eating dinner, and the doubts would enter his mind. He'd check out, and you'd have to bring him back to reality.

"It's okay." You'd whisper to him, trying to convince yourself too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time someone comments or bookmarks I want to cry because I'm just so excited that you guys are enjoying it that much!! I've got like, 35 chapters already written, so there's no shortage of content for ya! xoxo


	23. Chapter 23

"It's fine!" You assured him, your hands clutching at the waistband of his pants. "I don't care anymore."

"You're going to care when somebody walks in here and sees you defiling the table." He raised his brows.

"No one is going to walk in." You pouted, "Please?" You stuck out your bottom lip and batted your eyes at him. He leaned back in his chair, and put his hands over his eyes.

"You just don't ever get enough?" He sighed. You were straddling his lap, trying to convince him that now was a good time, right after he'd finished a conference with his generals. Your bare bottom pressed against his leg, and you tried unbuckling his pants again. You got them loose enough to reveal the top of his hips, and he grabbed you, sliding you closer to him so your clavicle was close to his face. You pulled your dress up around your hips, you'd been wearing less clothing for easier access nowadays. He reached into his pants, and pulled his cock out.

"You're getting bolder." He chuckled, as you lowered yourself onto him.

"Shut up." You hissed, grinding against him. You slung your arms over his shoulders, giving yourself some leverage. His hands found your hips, and he lifted you up, dropping you on the table in front of him. His hand wrapped around your neck, and he pushed you down onto your back. He thrusted into you again, knocking the wind out of you, and you clutched at his arm.

"More." You struggled to say, squeezing his arm. He tightened his grip, slamming his hips into you harder.

"More." You said again, taunting him. His dark hair whipped in front of his face, but you could see the smirk forming. "More!" You yelled, arching your back at him.

He moaned your name, and pressed his fingers against your airway, completely blocking the oxygen from reaching your lungs.

You wrapped your legs around him, keeping him close, as your walls clenched around him. Black spots were forming in your vision, as he pounded into you one last time. You could feel his juices dripping down your inner thighs and you whined for him, breathlessly. He let go of your throat, and you sucked down the air. He pressed his hand against your hip to steady himself as you shook below him.

"I told you no one would come in." Your voice was raspy, and he was trying to catch his breath.

"I guess I should listen to you more often." He nodded, packing himself back into his pants.

"A little thrill is good for you anyways." You pulled your dress down to your knees, and sat up.

"The biggest thrill about that is that in 18 seconds I have another holocron meeting, and you're sitting naked on my conference table." He said smugly, closing his arms over his chest.

"Oh stars." You hopped off the table, and strutted to the door. "That would be quite the show." You rolled your eyes.

"Why don't you stay and find out?" He teased.

"Absolutely not. I'll see you at dinner." You said, closing the door behind you. You could hear someone greet him over the holocron. Just like always, Ushar was waiting for you outside the door.

"How was your visit." He asked.

"Uneventful." You smiled sarcastically.

"Sure sounded like it." He muttered. The teasing was never ending.

"I'm going to shower. Leave me alone." You shoulder checked him as you passed. He didn't follow right away, but let you get a few feet ahead before turning to escort you.

—-

"How the hell does he do it?" You groaned, picking up the staff from the ground for the hundredth time that morning. You were trying to perfect your spin, pretending the staff was your saber. You had mastered fighting with it, but you were envious of Ren when he would spin his saber behind his back, like he was doing a trick with it.

You swung the staff around your head, and tried to spin it between your fingers. You got it around your pointer finger, and then it flung forward, hitting the wall.

"Dammit!" You yelled. Ushar stood at the door, and you watched him twirl his club between his fingers, like he was taunting you. You rolled your eyes, and snapped the staff back into your hand from across the room.

You threw the staff in the air, and caught it on the end, then tried to swing it around again. It hit your leg, and bounced out of your hands.

"Son of a-"

"You just need to keep your eyes on it at all times." Ushar suggested.

"Just keep your eyes on it." You mocked, picking it up once again. You closed your eyes, and took a deep breath. "Be with me." You whispered, trying to ask the Jedi to help you.

You threw it back into the air, and caught it. You swung the staff around your head, then behind your back, and finally to the front, then stabbed it into the ground.

"Yes!" You jumped up, waving the staff in the air, "See!" You waved it at Ushar, hoping he had seen your trick.

He swung his club over his shoulder, and clapped his hands. "Your Jedi didn't help you with that." He said.

"Whatever." You rolled your eyes, he couldn't just let you have one moment to pretend like your life wasn't turned upside down.

Ren hadn't been training you as much lately. He had other things to attend to as the Supreme Leader. You'd come down here by yourself, and practice on the air, usually imagining Hux as your target.

You began to swing at the air, pretending you were in actual combat.

"When you swing like that, you're exposing yourself to enemy attacks." Ushar said, stepping more into the room. "You have to bring them in close before you swing."

"I took down Ren once, I think I can handle myself." You turned and swung behind you.

"Do it again, I'll show you what I mean." He stepped in front of you, and brandished his weapon. You squinted your eyes at him, "Don't worry, I won't hit you hard." He chuckled.

You paused for a minute, before deciding to go for it. You swung the staff out just like you had done before, and he pushed his club into your hip, sending you backwards onto your bottom.

"See." He shrugged. "If you had been closer, you wouldn't have had to swing as wide, and I wouldn't have had access to push you back." He waved for you to get up and try again.

You pushed the hair out of your face, and stood up, stopping in front of him again. Before swinging at him, you took a few steps forward first. Instead of hitting you again, he had to block your swing.

"Better." He nodded, "Closing the distance between you and enemy will always benefit you. Don't be afraid of a fight."

"I'm never afraid to fight." You snorted, swinging at him again. He grabbed the end of the staff before it could hit his helmet, and yanked it out of your arms, tossing you to the side. "Hey!"

"Just trying to help"

"If that would have been my lightsaber you wouldn't have done that." You picked yourself back up again, and reached for the staff.

"But you don't have your lightsaber anymore." He insisted.

"Well, not right now, but-"

"Master Ren doesn't trust you with it." He smirked.

"He's scared I'll take you out with it."

"Yeah, that's definitely it." He handed the staff back to you, and stepped back into his position by the door.

"You should be scared." You mumbled.

He nodded his head at you, and if he hadn't been wearing his helmet you probably would have seen him roll his eyes.

You felt the pulse inside of your head quicken, and anger rushed to your head. Ren was pissed, and you could see that Ushar felt it too. You threw the staff back in the cabinet, and walked quickly to the conference room he'd last been in, Ushar following behind you concerned.

You could hear Ren yelling down the hallway, and the sound of items in the room being smashed to bits. You tried to control the feeling he was projecting, but it was useless. You opened the door slightly, and slid in through the crack. He was standing at the head of the table, breathing hard. His helmet had been thrown across the room, and he had his lightsaber in his hand. The gouges in the wall implied he had just been releasing his frustrations out on it.

"You okay?" You asked quietly

"Get out." He fumed, refusing to look at you.

"It's okay, just let me help you." You stepped towards him, holding your hand out to him.

"Ushar!" He exploded, and his knight entered the room behind you, "Get her out of here now."

"Yes sir." Ushar bowed, grabbing onto your arm.

"No!" You pulled away from him. "Let me help you!"

Ren chewed on the inside of his cheek, and turned off his saber.

"Leave." You turned to look at Ushar. He stared for a moment at his leader, then bowed his head to retreat. You looked back at Ren, and tried to flush the anger from your head. You could see his face relax a bit, and he met your gaze.

"I don't need you defying my orders too." He reprimanded.

"Just let me help you." You pleaded. You were standing in front of him now, and you placed your hand on his cheek. You calmed his mind more, your positivity boiling over into him. His giant hand covered yours, and held it against his skin.

"Have I ever told you that you drive me insane?" He breathed.

"Only a thousand times."

"Good."

"What happened?" You probed, staring at the wall to your side.

"They're idiots." He scoffed. "How do you lose an entire fleet of-" He stopped, turning to look at you again.

"Of?"

"Never mind." He pulled your hand from his face, and pulled you into an embrace, "Thank you."

"I mean, I don't think I really did anything, but okay." You wrapped your arms around his torso.

"Let's walk." He spun you so you were standing by his side, his hand snaked around your waist. "What did you two do today?" Ushar stayed a few feet behind as you walked through the gardens outside of the palace.

"I kicked his ass in the training room." You smirked. Ren looked behind, as if to confirm with Ushar, and you looked back too. Ushar stayed silent.

"Is that so?" Ren hummed. You leaned over to pick at a flower, and stuck it to your nose. It reminded you of the perfume that General Leia would wear. You weaved it into Rens' hair as you walked, pushing the locks behind his ear.

"It does smell like her." He verified, "Ushar you can leave." Ushar turned and walked the opposite direction, as you and Ren pressed forward.

"Sorry." You trailed off.

"It's fine." He shook his head, and continued walking. You wrapped yourself around him again, stopping him in the path.

You breathed in his scent, he smelled like leather, and the outdoors, and a slight hint of mint. You nuzzled your face into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you.

"I can't get enough of you." You mumbled.

"Is that a bad thing?" He chuckled.

"It is when it's all that I can think about." You pulled your head away to lock eyes. He pulled his head down and rested his forehead on yours, just for a moment, before his lips found yours. You grabbed at his shirt collar, pulling him closer into you. Your lips fought for dominance over his, trying to get them to bow to you. He leaned down, and his hands wrapped around your hips, before pulling away. You were going to pout, but you shot up into the air, and landed with your stomach over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" You squealed.

He began to walk back towards the palace, balancing you with his hand, "If I don't get to undress you in the next minute, I think I might die."

He strutted back into the palace, as you giggled with every step closer. You were giddy with an emotion you'd never felt before, and you could feel it in Ren too. You had always feared it before, but now you knew it wasn't scary.

It was love.


	24. Chapter 24

"I'm so bored." You whined, splayed across Rens lap. He was working on his datapad, and you had given up on trying to distract him. He had ignored your advances, and he was focused on the task in front of him.

"C'mon," You teased, pulling the waist of your leggings down slightly to reveal the top of your hips. When that didn't work, you closed your eyes and threw your hand over your forehead dramatically and sighed. You waited for a minute, then opened one eye slightly to see if he was looking.

He wasn't.

You flipped over, so your stomach was lying on his lap. "Rennnnn." You mewled. You pushed yourself to your hands, and raised your bottom in the air like a slinking cat, pushing his datapad up. He sighed your name, and put a hand on your lower back, pushing you back down to rest on his lap. You groaned, and slid off of his lap, rolling down his legs so you were laying on the floor in front of the couch. You played with the straps on his boots, silently wishing they were laces so you could tie them together.

You snaked your hand up his leg, stopping at his thigh, and placed your chin on his knee. You smirked at him, and closed your eyes again. You began to flash images into his head, of you and him. Although you would never be able to describe how it felt, you could put that same feeling into his head, and make him understand. You felt his bulge growing under your hand, his leather pants flexing beneath you.

"We've been in bed all week, you have to give yourself a break." He prattled on, moving your hand away from his thigh. He sat up straighter, and composed himself.

"Ugh!" You threw yourself to the ground again at his feet, and stared up at the ceiling. He had become even busier in the last three months, and aside from the last week, you hadn't been able to spend much time with him.

You had uttered that word to yourself that night in the garden, but never again in the months since then. Although you weren't scared of it anymore, you were scared of the reaction you might receive.

You didn't want Ren to think you approved of the situation. Every day, you would see a small chance to run, and you'd think about it. But the windows were usually so small that by the time the thought had even crossed your mind, Ushar or even Ren himself had taken the ability from you.

You had learned by now that Ren would never trust you. You'd be followed everywhere you went for the rest of your life. You'd have to kill every last one of them to get out of here, but even if you could physically do that, there's no way that you could look Ren in the eyes and take his final breath.

"Why don't you go for a walk, and I'll be done with this by the time you get back." Ren suggested, nodding his head at Ushar.

"Fine." You grumbled, pushing yourself to your feet. "Ushar, I will race you to the throne room, and if you win, I'll do anything you want." You teased loud enough for Ren to hear.

"I wouldn't make a bet like that." Ren warned.

"Too late." You opened the doors for your race, "Ready, set, go!" You yelled quickly. You took off, your bare feet slapping the ground beneath you. You looked back, and Ushar was leisurely strolling out of the room as you turned the corner.

You pumped your legs faster, your hair blowing in the wind behind you. You raced down the stairs, and jumped over the threshold into the throne room.

"I won!" You called, catching your breath from your sprint. You let your fingers slide over the wall where there was once a hole, it had since been repaired, now the only evidence was a small variation in paint colors. You looked up at the unguarded door in the foyer, and turned back to the hallway Ushar should be coming from any minute.

You tried to quiet your thoughts, as you stepped into the foyer. You lifted your hand to the cool metal door handle, and pushed it open. The fresh air graced your lungs, and you could see the city in front of you.

You'd been able to walk outside before this, but the smell of freedom hit you differently. You stepped through the door, and looked back again to make sure Ushar wasn't there.

You started to walk again, testing your limits. The door shut behind you, and you realized they had no clue.

The day that Starkiller exploded crossed your memory. It seemed like lifetime ago. You were almost free that day, you only needed a few more steps and you would have made it onto that TIE-fighter.

The same conflict crossed your mind again. You could feel Rens' heart drop as you looked back at the door. He knew you were outside unsupervised, and he felt the inner debate you were having. You knew he was on his way to you, to bring you back inside, to lock you away from the outside world once again. You heard Ren dismiss Ushar as he crossed him in the hallway.

You turned back at the city, and just stared.

"Come." He commanded. You turned, and stomped back to the doorway where he was waiting for you. He opened the door, and you entered back into the palace. "Go." He pointed his finger to the direction of your room, and followed you as you shuffled.

"What the hell are you thinking." He scolded once you entered the room.

"I won the race." You gulped.

"Did you not think I wouldn't realize it as soon as you opened that door?" He snarled.

"I had already been outside for a full minute before you realized what was happening!" You shouted, throwing your arms out.

"Where would you have gone?" He interrogated. "You don't have anywhere or anyone to run to!"

You stayed silent, as his words reverberated through your ears.

"I'm the only one who cares for you anymore!" He yelled. You began to shake with rage.

"I know that, Ren!" You trembled, "You've made that very clear already!"

"Then why did you try to run?" He demanded.

"I didn't! I stopped!" You curled your fists into balls to control your anger, "I realized I have no one, so I stopped."

"Good." He ran his fingers through his hair, and turned to face the windows.

You stared at his back for a moment, trying to get a read on his emotions. This was the calmest he'd felt in a long time.

"Get undressed." You ordered.

"What?" He chuckled, turning back to you. You had already thrown your shirt away, and you were pulling your leggings off. "What are you doing?"

"I said get undressed." You kicked your bottoms off, "Otherwise, I'm going to tear your stupid clothes off."

He slowly moved to the buckle on his pants, still unsure of your emotions.

"Oh my gods, move your hands." You closed the gap between you, and ripped the zipper apart. You squatted in front of him, and unbuckled his boots.

"Are you mad still?" He asked, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Yes." You grumbled, pulling his boots off one at a time, "We're going to have angry sex, and I'm going to get over it that way."

"Okay..." He hesitated. You pulled at his pants, and lifted yourself back up to face him.

"Sit." You ordered, pointing to the bed. He nodded, and lowered himself onto the bed.

You stood in front of him, and unclasped your bra, letting your breasts fall at his eye level. He bit his bottom lip, as you smiled from your position. You'd never been in control like this, and you couldn't wait to unleash hell on him.

"You're an ass." You growled.

"I know." He breathed. You pushed your hand against his face, throwing him back on the bed. You crawled on top of him, you could feel his cock brushing against your thigh as you came to a stop above him. He reached for his favorite spot on your hips, and you pushed his hand away. You grabbed onto his wrists, and placed them by his sides.

"Don't touch." You stared him in the eyes.

"That's not going to work." He smiled, brushing his fingers against your leg.

"Shh." You said, grabbing the sides of his head and pulling your face close to his. You looked him deep into the eyes again, "Don't touch."

You don't know if your compulsion worked, or if he was just doing it to appease you, but his hands stayed at his sides.

Confidence rushed over you, seeing him below you, listening to every word you said.

You began to touch yourself. You rubbed your hands over your chest, pinching at your nipples, then lowering to your bottom half. You grazed your fingers across your flesh, provoking him. He was growing beneath you still, as you placed a finger at your entrance.

"You should have taken me up on my offer earlier." You groaned, sliding your finger up your slit, and swirling around your clit.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. You could see his fingers twitching at his sides, meaning your compulsion had worked.

You pushed two fingers into yourself, throwing your head back as you did. You could hear his breathing pick up beneath you, as you squeezed your fingers inside of your soaking flesh. You wanted him to watch you make yourself cum. You didn't need him for this.

You made sure to project this feeling onto him, so he knew that you didn't need him. He shifted his hips, lifting them up so he was pushing against you.

"No." You pushed him back down. You were close to your climax, and you didn't want his help for the first one. You pushed your fingers deeper, squirming against them. Your free hand kneaded at your breast, and you looked down at Ren.

His eyes were closed, twitching underneath the lids. He was panting now, his mind begging for you to let him release.

"Shit." You moaned, coming undone. You pushed yourself through your orgasm, throwing your hand out to his chest to steady yourself. You lowered yourself to a sitting position, right above his pubic bone, just out of reach of his cock.

"Tell me you need me." You breathed.

"I need you." He confirmed, as you lightly grinded against him.

"Tell me you're the only one who cares about me."

He said your name in defiance.

"Tell me, again, that you are the only one that cares about me." You pressed, "And then I'll let you touch."

He sighed, "I'm the only one that cares about you."

"Good." You pulled your hands to his face again, "You can touch me."

He lifted a hand to your nipple, and the other to your butt. You pushed yourself up and back, so that he was positioned at your already slick cunt.

"Fuck me like you would if you hated me." You said, setting yourself down slightly onto him.

"I don't hate you." He groaned.

"Yes you do. You hate me because I tried to run, and now you need to punish me." You pushed yourself onto him lower, taking almost all of him. You bounced your body up and down, swinging your hips at him. He matched your rhythm, thrusting into you from below.

You cried out as you felt your second orgasm approaching. You dropped lower onto him, trying to bury him as deep inside of you as you could.

He groaned against you, his breathing more rapid than before. You could feel him almost there.

You grabbed his chin in your hand, and put your thumb on his bottom lip, holding his mouth open.

"I want you to beg." You teased, almost unable to hold your own in.

"Pleathe." He asked, your fingers creating a lisp in his word.

"Please what?" You gloated.

He was trembling beneath you, and he whispered your name again, begging to release.

"One more thing." You paused, releasing his chin, as he swirled his hips.

"Anything."

"Call me Rebel Scum." You hissed.

A smirk crossed his face, and he thrusted into you harder. "You're Rebel Scum." He spit.

You exploded above him, reaching your second climax. You grabbed onto his chest as you rode him through it. He groaned as he shot his load into you, both of you trying to surf the waves of pleasure for as long as possible.

You collapsed on top of him, your eyelids heavy.

"Ren." You said.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first off, I want to thank you guys so much for taking the time to read still! Second, I've had this fanfic in my head for quite a while, and I had it completely mapped out before I even started to write. But... I need your opinions. In my head, this fanfic completely replaces all three of the sequels, as if this was how it went instead. I've tried to keep it as close to the original plot as possible, while still making it my own. It will be pretty long if I keep going, so I plan on making it a two part fic, meaning you can stop when part one is over, or keep going! How do you guys feel about that?? Any feedback is appreciated. Much love!!


	25. Chapter 25

Leia was sitting in front of you, surrounded by her team. Kaydell sat to her side, listening to the jumbled mess coming out of her mouth. You were sitting across the table from them, straining to make out what they were saying.

Their voices were muffled like your head was under water. Kay stood, and bowed to the room, exiting through the open door. You called out to the General, trying to get her attention, for her to just know that you were doing what you could.

But she couldn't hear you.

The room began to spin, and a dark fog seeped in through the seams of your vision, just like it had before. It clouded the room, and your head began to pound. You were breathing in the darkness, it was suffocating you.

"You're doing it again." You heard. You forced your eyes open, and your body lowered back to the ground slowly.

"Shit!" You cursed, grabbing fistfuls of dead grass.

"I think it's pretty cool." Ushar interjected his opinion.

"Did I ask?" You whipped your body towards him, shooting him a death glare.

Rens' hands found your cheeks, and turned your head back to face him. "What were you seeing this time?"

"Nothing." You mumbled. Ever since your attempt to leave, your meditation kept taking a dark turn.

"I can't help you get past it if you won't tell me." He picked at your hair, brushing it behind your ears.

"It's just stuff from before." You lied. These weren't memories you had, but memories from someone else if you had to guess. "Besides, I like that you can't see what my visions are."

"Yeah, well I don't" He grumbled. You leaned forward so your foreheads were resting together.

"It was nothing." You assured. You pressed your lips to the tip of his nose, then pulled away.

"Fine." He sighed.

You sat outside for another hour, soaking in the sun, Rens head resting in your lap. You had braided a few small strands of hair together, pulling the fringe out of his face. It was organic, and soft. 

"I have a surprise for you." He sat up from your lap, and pulled himself to his feet.

You cringed at him, "What kind of surprise?"

"If I told you, then it wouldn't be a surprise." He mocked, "Go change into pants, and meet me in the throne room."

"You don't like my dress?" You faked sadness, pulling at the hem.

"Oh trust me, I love the dress." He winked, walking you into the palace. "It's just pants are more practical."

You raise your brow and scrunched your nose at him. "Okay..."

He placed a small kiss on your forehead, and turned the opposite direction down the hallway to his room.

You looked back at Ushar, and he shrugged his shoulders.

You did as Ren said, changing into your plain clothes, and threw your boots back on. The sun was setting as you made your way back to the throne room, and you waited for Ren.

He emerged from his hallway shortly after, a pair of black robes in his hands. He handed one to you, and threw the other over his shoulders.

"Put it on." He nodded.

"Yes sir." You saluted, wrapping the robes around you. They reminded you of the robes you had seen in your vision on your second night here. You pushed the vision from your head, and Ren lifted the hood up over your head, making sure to keep it out of your eyes. He smiled at you, and wrapped his hand through yours.

You stepped back from him, "You're being weird."

"No I'm not." He pulled you back, guiding you to the foyer, "C'mon."

Ushar opened the door for you, leading out to the city. The other Knights were waiting in lines for Ren as he approached. You weren't scared of them, but you had to admit that their presence was intimidating. You pulled yourself closer into Ren to avoid them.

They parted for him, and he stepped through.

"What are we doing?" You whispered.

"We're walking."

"Ren, if this is a test, it isn't funny."

He chuckled, and pulled his hood over his head, "It's not a test. We're taking a walk."

The Knights dispersed behind you, slinking into alleys and shadows as you ventured further into the city. It was dark now, the streetlights casting a glow to the sky. There were people walking outside of their homes; happy, and free.

"There's a huge street market down here." You pointed out, "There will probably be a lot of people out."

"Mhmm." He nodded.

"Like, people who can see you." You stopped, pulling on his arm.

"It's fine." He assured, dragging you along.

What the hell?

He led you exactly to the market, and you emerged from the street into the center of the hub. There were hundreds of people out tonight; Bartering, and walking, and enjoying each others company.

Ren pulled you in closer to his side, and began to stroll through the market. Your heart was racing, and you were on edge.

"Just relax." He mused. You felt a wave of relief flood over you, and you turned to glare at him. He pulled you along the street, pointing out different goods at each stall.

The two of you were practically invisible in the large crowd, and if anyone even recognized either of you, they didn't say anything.

You started to relax into Ren, joking with him as you walked.

"That guy tried to sell me some juice that he swore would give me force abilities." You pointed at his stall, laughing.

"If only he knew who he had been talking to." Ren hummed.

"Okay, for reals, why did you bring me out here?" You asked, avoiding a small child running after a ball.

"I thought you'd like it."

"I'm not complaining, I just-"

A small tug at your robes startled you, and you looked behind you at the woman trying to get your attention. "Ma'am, can I show you?" She motioned towards her stall. Beautifully woven tapestries and scarves hung from the tent, and you looked back to Ren for permission. He gave a small nod, and you followed the woman inside.

"This one would look beautiful against your skin." She held it up to you, making sure Ren could see it too.

You reached your hand out to feel one, "Do you make these yourself?" You asked.

"Me and my daughter ma'am." She nodded her head towards the young girl in the corner.

"Hello." You waved at her. She was clutching a doll to her chest. "They're very beautiful."

The mother continued her sales pitch at Ren, and you couldn't help but notice the fear in the girls eyes. She was staring him down.

"Is it just the two of you?" You interrupted.

"Yes, my husband is gone," She explained, "And my son was just taken for the First Orders army." She looked down, like she was stifling tears.

Your blood ran cold, and your breath hitched in your chest.

"He's only six," She continued. You felt Ren shift beside you, and he grabbed onto your hand. "I'm trying to raise enough credits to get my daughter into school on Coruscant."

You stared at her, and nodded your head. You struggled to breathe, and your stomach was twisting in knots.

"I'm sorry, but we have to go." Ren pulled at your arm, escorting you out of her tent.

"I'm so sorry." You said to her. She gave a small wave, and stayed behind. "What the fuck?"

"That's not-"

"What the fuck, Ren?" You gulped, pulling your hand out of his.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"You're not supposed to apologize to me!" You hit your fist against his chest, "Six years old?"

"It's Huxs' army, not mine."

"You're the fucking Supreme Leader!" You choked.

"Stop." He warned. "You need to be quiet."

"Oh my gods." You pulled the hood off of your head, trying to cool yourself off, "I can't fucking believe it."

"What?"

"I can't believe I'm stupid enough to fall for this." You shook your head. You could feel the hurt in him, his face fell.

"If that's how you feel, then we can go back." He mumbled.

"No, I just-" You took a deep breath, "I just need a minute. It's fine." You were stalling, trying to avoid being locked inside of the palace walls once again

He pulled the hood back up over your head, "I'm sorry." He apologized again, "You're not supposed to hear those things."

He was trying to pull a veil over your eyes. He wanted you to be happy with him, and not concern yourself with the war that was brewing. You were supposed to live in blissful ignorance.

"Let's just keep walking." You turned, continuing down the street. He followed a few steps behind you.

"Wait." He grabbed at your shoulder. "Please, just stay here. I'll be right back."

Trust.

Something that he had never explicitly shown before now. You nodded your head at him, as he disappeared back into the crowd. You turned your body to the side, taking in the sights around.

Food vendors lined the streets a block in front of you, and a cantina was nestled behind them. It reminded you of the one on Coruscant that you worked at for a while. It was there that you had met the Resistance.

People were going in and out of the cantina, stumbling around like they'd been there for hours. You smiled at the familiarity of it.

And then you heard it.

A shrill beeping noise, coming from a small droid at the entrance. And then your name.

Your stomach dropped again, as you turned to look up at the one who had called for you. You caught glimpses of them through the crowd, as they did a double take.

You heard your name again, louder this time. Everything turned to slow motion. Poe, BB-8, and a few others stood outside of the cantina, calling for you.

They were alive.

You began to step forward towards them, stumbling through the street. Time seemed to slow down.

'Stop her.' You heard in your mind, though he wasn't talking to you, but giving his hidden Knights the order.

You bolted towards the cantina, dodging passerby's. You ducked down an alley to avoid the crowd, to try and lose Rens' men. You pumped your legs harder than you ever had, sprinting through the alleys. It spit you out on the next street, and you turned at the crossroad. You could feel Ren searching for you, trying to visualize where you were. You pushed him out of your head, and kept running. You needed to get back onto the main road so your friends could get to you before the Knights did.

You were crying, overcome with emotion that your family wasn't dead after all. You pushed down another alley, and ended up back at the market, but further down than you had intended.

Chaos had broke out in the street, and people were fleeing the scene. Poe was running towards you, aiming his blaster behind him.

You ran towards Poe, you could already picture yourself getting the hell off of this planet with them. You threw the robes off, hoping it would make your legs work faster.

Ushar stepped out from behind a stall, and you ran face first into him.

"Move!" You screamed, bringing your knee up to hit him in the groin.

He dodged your hit, and twisted you around, picking you up in the air. Bolts whirred past your heads from Poes blaster, and you thrashed below Ushars' arms.

"Let go of me!" He was dragging you away, out of the street. You threw your head back at him, knocking the back of your head against his helmet, trying to throw him off. He readjusted his grip, and you kicked your legs to escape.

Poe called out your name again, shooting at Ushar.

You heard the hum of a lightsaber from down the road. Ren was standing there furious, his eyes targeted at your friend.

"Poe! Get the fuck out of here!" You yelled. He looked behind to see Ren advancing on him. "Let go of me you son of a bitch!" You struggled against Ushar.

You kicked your leg back, and hit his knee, sending him stumbling back. You got out of his grip, and pointed to your right, to signal at Poe to meet you on the next street over. You could hear a ship hovering above your heads.

You shot down the side street, towards freedom.

The Millennium Falcon was hovering above the street, the ramp extended, and Poe stood at the edge, yelling at you to come on. 

Ren stepped out from an alley, standing between you and the Falcon. The red light from his saber illuminated his face, and the immediate surroundings.

"I'm done with this Ren." You yelled at him, "Move out of my way."

He looked like a savage, a fire had erupted in his mind, and it was consuming every thought. His emotions were all over the place, and he was staring at you like you were just another enemy standing in his way.

"Please." You took another step forward, now only a foot of space between you. You could have reached out and touched him. "Ben, you can come back with us."

Poe called out your name again. They were circling around you, shining the lights on the street.

"We can go back to the Resistance together." You held your hand out to him.

"You're a fool." He spit.

"Ben, you don't want this life." You started to cry again, begging for him to understand, "Let's go back."

"Don't call me that." He growled.

You put your hand to his cheek, and tried to wipe away the anger from his face. "There's still good in you, let me help you."

You heard a blaster go off, sending a bolt straight at Ren. He grabbed your hand, and flipped you around, placing your body in front of his. His hand wrapped around your neck so you couldn't wiggle away without strangling yourself. The beam stopped in front of your face, and you yelped, closing your eyes.

"I will kill everyone you love in front of you." He growled.

"You're a monster." You groaned.

"I am a monster." He agreed.

More bolts came from the Falcon above, shooting down at the surrounding area.

A horrible pressure entered your head, it felt like your brain was being melted. He was trying to compel you to sleep. You pushed against him to get him out of your head. He stole the air from your lungs, and pushed deeper into your head.

"Now." He ordered.

Your eyes felt heavy, as you tried to resist. You felt your legs turn to jelly, and he caught you against his chest. You hoped the others would have enough time to get out before the Knights came.

Your head rested against his shoulder, and turned to look at his face. "I hate you." You whispered. Your eyes closed, unable to resist anymore. You heard another blaster shot hit the ground in front of you, and Poe yelled for you one more time.

"I know." Ren sighed, and you succumbed to sleep, tears still trailing down your cheeks.


	26. Chapter 26

You refused to open your eyes. You could sense him staring at you, anger radiated off of him. Your body was faced away from him, and you hoped that if you pretended to be asleep for long enough the he would just leave.

Except you'd been awake for a while now and he just wasn't getting the hint.

"Leave." You whispered.

"No."

"You lied to me." You sniffled, holding back the cascade of tears that was close to falling.

"Never."

You turned to look at him. He was sitting in the chair next to your bed, tapping his foot on the ground, like he was trying to hold back an outburst. It was early morning, and the rising sun was casting a radiant glow to his face.

"I thought they were dead."

"You never asked." He shrugged.

"You knew the whole time."

He looked away from you, out at the landscape behind you, "Of course." It almost sounded like he was ashamed.

"Why?" You sat up, pulling the blanket to your chin.

"Why does it matter?"

"I can't stay here forever." You started.

His face turned to a scowl, "Yes, we can."

"Maybe you can, but I wont. That's my family!"

"You're still holding on!" He yelled, coming to his feet, "Let go! We can rule the galaxy together!"

"No."

"I'm trying to give you everything you could ever want in life." He was pacing back and forth now.

"We don't want the same things!" You snapped, "Just run away with me!"

The color drained from his face.

"We can go back to the Resistance, to your mother." You kneeled on the bed in front of him, begging.

"You don't get to say that to me."

You clutched at his chest, trying to stare into his soul, "Ben?"

You could see the conflict, years of hate and torture from Snoke made him second guess everything. The pain in his face turned to fury.

"I've told you not to call me that." He pushed you back onto the bed. "I'm tired of your defiance." He got close to your face, towering over you, and grabbed the back of your neck so you couldn't cower away from him. "You're going to die here, if it's the very last thing that I do."

The tears had broke through the floodgate, and they were falling freely, the sobs shaking your whole body.

"You said that you loved me once." He stepped away from you, "I hope for your sake you can find that again, or the rest of your already miserable life is going to be absolutely unbearable."

"Ben, please don't do this." You wept.

"You will not leave this room, until you learn your place." He compelled you, whipping around to leave. You shot off the bed, and onto your knees in front of him, gripping at his shirt.

"I'm sorry." You begged for his forgiveness, knowing that if he walked out of those door that you would be imprisoned by yourself. "Please don't leave."

He shook his head, and stepped around you, leaving the room. You tried to run after him, but your feet wouldn't step through the door.

"Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid." He ordered Ushar, who had presumably heard the whole exchange.

"Yes, sir." Ushar nodded.

He strutted away, his cape billowing behind him. You pounded at the invisible door that held you back, yelling profanities at him as he rounded the corner, leaving your view. You slid down against the door frame, and wrapped your arms around yourself. You sobbed until you couldn't shed another tear.

No one was coming to your aide this time. Ren wasn't coming back to be with you. He had taken your heart in his hands and crushed it. You told him that you loved him and he took advantage of you.

You'd been blindfolded, and given an ounce of humanity, and you thought it meant love. You had to get it through your thick skull that it wasn't love. He thought that he had won you over when he spared your life from Snoke, and you thought you'd done the same.

You were stupid to think that you could change him.

You felt him leave Naboo shortly after he'd locked you away. Ushar stayed at your door like a statue, as you sat there for hours. You wanted to combust, to turn to dust and blow away in the wind.

Instead, you stayed in your room for weeks, waiting for him to come back.

No one was allowed to speak to you, not even Ushar had said a word. Your meals were delivered to your room, and pushed through the door by the club that he wielded.

It was worse than when you were on the dreadnaught. You didn't realize that when he compelled you to stay in the room, that it extended to not being able to go out on the balcony. You had exhausted all of the books on the shelves, and Ren was blocking you from using your powers to try and reach out to anyone.

By now General Leia would know that you were alive, or rather that you had been alive that night. Hopefully they had the common sense to stay away from this awful place. Poe probably told her that you didn't try to fight Ren as hard as you should have. You really thought that you could convince him.

Your room was a mess. You refused the sleep on the bed, so you had created a little nest out of sheets and pillows next to the balcony door. You were able to push it open, so the fresh breeze at night helped you sleep. You could close your eyes and imagine you were on a mission for the Resistance, sleeping in your tent.

You were slumped against the windows, when you heard the footsteps coming down the halls. You hadn't felt him come back, but now that he was in your hallway, you could feel his pulse in your head again. You knew what you needed to do.

You shot up and straightened out your clothes as he came to a stop at your door. You tried to control your anger as he looked in at you.

"Have you learned your lesson?" He asked.

You nodded your head, and clenched your fists. You hated that you had to show your defeat to him, but this was the only way.

"Good." He turned to leave.

"Wait! Please can I come out now?" You stopped at the doorway.

"Do you really think I'm that clueless?" He chuckled, "You thought that was it?"

"No, I just can't-"

"I know it won't be that easy. You're more stubborn than you like to present yourself." He sighed, "I'll come back tomorrow, then maybe we can discuss your surrender to me?"

"That's not fair!" You stomped your foot like a child.

"We can wait a few more weeks if you'd like. I have all the time in the world, and honestly I've got better things to do than wait around for you."

"No!" You complained, "I'll be good, I promise."

"Tomorrow." He nodded.

You bit your tongue so you didn't say anything else to set him off. You turned back to your window, and lowered yourself onto your pillows.

You took a deep breath, and stretched your neck.

You couldn't wait for this to be over.

—-

"Why is the Force connecting us?" You asked.

He had closed the door behind him, and ordered Ushar to take a walk. He was pacing the room as you sat on the bed in front of him. He hadn't said a word the entire time.

"I feel like that's a really important factor to consider when you're trying to decide to let me live or not." You pointed out.

"I'm not going to kill you." He muttered.

"You've got this look in your eyes that makes me think otherwise."

He stopped in front of you, "I'm angry."

"I can see that." You gulped. You were trying to act as if nothing ever happened. To go back to your sparky old self, to gain his trust back.

"You drive me insane."

"I know." You breathed, trying to make yourself small.

He began to pace again, he'd wear the rug down if he kept at it.

"Can you please just let me out of this room?" You mentioned.

"Why should I ever trust you again?" He challenged.

"I'm going crazy in here." You laid back on the bed, throwing your arms over your face, "I need to get out."

"That didn't answer my question."

"I'm done, Ren. I've accepted my fate. I'm tired of the torture." You sat back up, "There is some higher power that connects us, even you can't deny that. So if my place is here, then so be it."

His eyes narrowed, like he was trying to figure out if you were being serious or not. You brought your knees to your chest and rested your chin on them.

"You can't go outside anymore." He asserted.

You pouted your bottom lip, "Even my balcony?"

"Even your balcony." He repeated, "Unless you're accompanied by me."

"When can we negotiate the terms again?"

"When you've earned my trust back." He rolled his eyes.

"Fine." You grumbled.

He looked into your eyes, "You can leave the room now." He broke his spell. You breathed a sigh of relief.

Your heart was racing as you took the first step outside of the door in weeks. You sped down the hallway, and practically sprinted into the kitchen, leaving Ren behind.

"Oh stars!" Tika exclaimed, throwing the dough she was working on back onto the table in front of her, "He finally let you out?"

You wrapped her in your arms, and took in her soft voice. "I really thought I was going insane in there."

"Are you okay?" She asked. The door swung open, and Ushar stepped through, positioning himself against the door frame.

"I think so." You said quietly, bringing your head closer to hers. "I was so close to getting out of here."

Ushar cleared his throat, and you turned to glare at him for a second, before looking back at Tika.

"You can't try and run again, I fear he won't let you live if you do." She warned.

"I'm not going to do it again." You said, loud enough for the prying ears to hear.

You spent the entire afternoon with Tika. Helping her with the baking she was doing, listening to the gossip that had built up in the time that had passed. She made your favorite dessert, and the two of you ate it together, just relishing in each others company. It was dark out when you parted, she returned to her quarters, and you were left to wander the quiet palace. You refused to go back to that room.

You wandered down the hallway across form yours, and stopped at the door. You turned back to smirk at Ushar as you gripped the handle, and pushed your way inside. You shut the door in his face, and peeked into the room.

You could hear the shower running in the bathroom, and the only light in the room was coming from there.

You kicked your boots off, and grabbed the sweater that he had laid out on the bed. You slid your pants off, then your shirt, replacing it with his. You shimmied yourself under the covers, and settled into the middle of his bed.

"I was going to wear that." Ren sighed. His towel hung low on his hips, and his wet hair was stuck to his face. You smiled at him, and shrugged your shoulders.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, grabbing the bottoms he had laid out, and going back into the bathroom, as if you'd never seen him naked before.

"I'm sleeping in here." You declared, stretching yourself out further in his bed. Even though he'd been gone, his sheets still smelled just like him.

"No, you're not." He came out of the bathroom, and crossed his arms against his chest.

"Yes, I am." You mocked, closing your eyes.

You heard him sigh again, and the bed dip below his weight. He pushed you by the waist against the silk sheets, so you were on the opposite side of the bed. He laid down, and you scooted yourself back over so you were snuggled against him.

"You're not very good at following orders."

"Shh," You interrupted, "I'm sleeping."

He pushed his arm under you so your head was resting on his bicep, and began to pet your hair. "This doesn't mean you're not being punished still."

"Whatever." You yawned, grabbing onto his torso.

You fell asleep in his arms again, as if nothing had ever happened.


	27. Chapter 27

You slept better next to him. He was gentle, and warm, and it was hard to sleep without him now. He left early in the morning, and you couldn't fall back asleep.

You wandered the hallways, trying to busy yourself. You watched Tika in the garden for a while through the window, longing to be out there with her. The invisible Force created a blockade at every single opening to the outside world.

"Please Ushar, let's just go out to the trees." You begged for the tenth time that hour.

"Master Ren will be back soon." He recited.

You flung yourself onto the throne at the top of the stairs, waiting for Ren. The cool stone sent goosebumps down your arms, as you slumped back into the seat.

"What made you want to devote yourself to such a masochist?" You asked.

"He's proven to be a good leader." Ushar stood taller, like he was proud of this statement. "Why would you devote yourself to a princess of a dead planet?"

You sat up straighter, and narrowed your eyes at him, "General Leia is more than just a princess." You spat, "We fight for the good of the people of the galaxy."

"Thats what Master Ren is doing."

"No, your master is slaughtering innocent people who don't agree with him. He throws tantrums, and you egg him on." You concluded.

"He's spared you." He pointed out, "And you don't agree with him."

"I didn't ask him to."

He kicked the end of his club up, swinging it over his shoulder, "Everyone knows how he feels about you, even General Hux. But you're untouchable, because Ren can take everyone out."

"What do you mean the way he feels about me?" You probed.

"Ren doesn't show mercy to many, but somehow, you've got him wrapped around your finger." Ushar shrugged, "I'm just pointing out how lucky you are to be alive."

"Oh." You let it go, not wanting to show the emotion you felt for Ren.

"He's back." Ushar said. You could feel the tingle in your head, just as you were sure Ushar could as well.

Vircul and Ap'lek strode in through the door, followed by Ren.

"Finally." You uttered.

Ren turned his covered face to the top of the stairs where you sat, and waved at the Knights to leave. "You belong up there."

"Not really." You rolled your eyes, and pushed yourself out of the seat. "Where'd you go?"

He started to take off down his hallway, "Canto Bight."

You followed behind him closely, closing his bedroom door behind you, "Never been. Seems like a pretty fancy place."

He removed his helmet, and threw his cape over the chair. He looked angry.

"What do you need?" He snapped.

"I'm just hanging out." You sat on the bed, wringing your hands together. He turned, and stepped into the bathroom. You heard the shower turn on. "Ren, can we go outside?" You called.

No answer. You stepped to his balcony doors, and swung them open. "C'mon it's so nice out today."

He was ignoring you.

"Hello?" You sung, waiting for an answer. You kicked your boots off, and stepped towards the bathroom. "Ren?" You called again, your foot crossing the threshold.

The shower was running, but he wasn't in it. You looked into the closet, then turned back to the room, "What the-"

A hand reached out and grabbed the back of your neck, whipping you around back into the bathroom. He crushed his lips against yours, and wrapped his free arm around your back. He backed you into the glass wall of the shower, bruising your lips with his teeth.

He moved his hands to the neckline of your dress, and tore the front apart, the fabric ripping right down the middle.

"Hey, I liked that-" His hand covered your mouth, shushing you. He grabbed onto the torn dress again, and ripped another smaller piece off of it. He flipped you around so you were facing the glass, your stomach pressed up against it. His knee separated your legs, and he pushed his thigh against your bottom so you couldn't move, and he had free use of his hands.

"Don't move." He ordered, and placed the piece of fabric over your eyes, tying it at the back of your head. You were so nervous you felt like you couldn't breath. His hand replaced his knee, and he pushed a finger into you. The steam from the shower was caressing your skin, warming your bare body, and you were melting into his hand.

"How does it feel, knowing that I can control you with just a touch." His hot breath sent shivers through your body.

You stuttered against him, as his finger pushed against you again, "Y-you don't control me."

He added a second digit, and flexed against your flesh. "Oh really?" He asked, pushing away from you, you dropped to your knees against the glass, but the pressure inside of you remained constant. "I guess you're right, I'm not even touching you and I still have control."

He was using the Force to pleasure you, reaching the places his fingers couldn't. You tried to close your legs, to stop the feeling, but it made it worse. You felt him kneel beside you.

"Stand up." He commanded.

Your legs weren't working, and you shook your head at him.

"If you don't stand up right now, I'm going to make this harder for you."

The pressure remained constant between your legs, making it harder to get your bearings. You placed your hands against the glass, and tried to climb the wall slowly. Your legs shook below you, threatening to give out at any moment.

"Good." He said, you felt his body standing beside yours. The pressure stopped, and you were able to breath again. "I'm tired of your disobedience."

He landed a firm smack against your bottom. You gasped in surprise, and tried to remove the blindfold from your face. His hand pulled yours away, and pushed the fabric over your eyes again.

"It can be a lot worse from here." He growled. You shook your head at him again, telling him to continue. You weren't scared of him.

Another smack to your bottom, you could feel welts already forming. You braced your hands against the glass.

A third and final smack against your skin sent a few tears overflowing.

"Don't cry." He whispered.

"I'm not." You groaned. You would do anything to feel him again.

"Good." You could hear the grin in his voice. He turned you around, and you heard the shower door slide open, and the towel he was wearing fall to the floor. The trapped steam made it even harder to breath, as he pushed you in through the door, and into the hot water.

You heard the door close, and he stepped next to you.

The pressure returned to your insides, "Ren, please." You begged.

"I like watching you struggle." He chuckled, his fingers pinched your breasts, sending shockwaves down your torso.

"Rennn." You whined.

"Remember this feeling the next time you want to run." He warned, "Remember how I make you want to come undone, and that you'll never feel it again without me."

"Fine." You breathed, reaching your hands out in front of you to grab his torso, pulling yourself into him.

He lifted you up, and pinned you against the shower wall. He returned his mouth to yours, and lowered your body onto him.

You tried to catch your breath with every thrust of his hips. Your cunt was clenching around him, trying to pull him in deeper.

"Fuck-" You struggled.

"Cum for me." He groaned against your clavicle.

Your body broke, flooding your senses with ecstasy. You pulled the blindfold off to relieve some of the pressure from your head.

The water was cascading off of his face, plastering his hair against his forehead. Although you had thought he was upset with you, his face gave you the opposite reaction. He was pushing the hair out of your face as your orgasm ripped through your soul.

"I need you." He moaned quietly, as his cock twitched inside of you. "Promise me, you'll always be with me."

You were helpless against him, your voice barley above a whisper, "I promise."

He laid his face into your neck, and set you down gently. He pulled you back into the water stream, and let it wash over your naked bodies. He grabbed the shampoo from the shelf, and began to lather it into your hair. You could only stare at him through wet lashes, as he cared for you.

You knew what Ushar had meant earlier in the day, when he said he knew how Ren felt about you. Of course you could feel that he cared for you, your thoughts were connected, and although he had never said it, his true emotions couldn't lie.

He rinsed your hair in silence, then lathered his own. You didn't want to break the quiet, it was calm, and made you feel like everything was going to be alright.

He rinsed his hair, and shut the shower off. He grabbed a towel from the rack, and wrapped it around your body, then carried you to the bed. You couldn't sleep, so you laid against his chest, listening to his cold heart beat for you.

\---

"I just want to go outside." You whined, placing your cheek against the cool glass.

"Not today."

You squeezed your eyes shut, and tried to push his compulsion out of your head, imagining yourself grabbing onto it and throwing it out of your mind. It wasn't working too well.

"I'm withering away here." You sighed, "I need the sun!"

He didn't look up at you, but you could see his brow raise, "The sun shines in through the windows."

"It's not the same." You pushed away from the window, and sat at the seat next to him. He was working away on his data pad. "You can do this outside, you know."

"I don't want to go outside." He smirked.

You huffed, and jumped out of the seat. You left the office he was in, and tried to find something else to do.

"Any ideas, minion?" You sighed at Ushar.

"Everything I would do right now involves being able to step outside, and it seems like you're not in a position to do so." He shot back.

You kept walking past him, heading for your room. "You're mean."

You flipped through a few of the books on the shelf, trying to decide if you wanted to bore yourself with reading the same ones over again. None of them piqued your interest, so you gave up on that idea.

You smelled each of the bottles on the bathroom vanity, comparing which soaps and perfumes smell the best, and finally, your eyes fell to the closet.

"That could work." You said to yourself.

The closet overwhelmed you, and you hadn't really been wearing your clothes all that much anyways, instead preferring his. You fingered the different fabrics hanging along the walls, trying to decide where to start.

You landed on an emerald green ballgown, which was mild compared to some of the others. You tossed your sweater to the side, and pulled it on over your torso. You'd never worn anything like this, your simple cotton dress that Ren had destroyed was the extent of your formal wear.

You stepped in front of the mirror, examining yourself. The sleeves were a bit too tight, and the bottom didn't reach all the way to the floor as it should. You wondered which queen had worn this one.

You shook your head, and slipped out of it, hanging it back up in its spot. You turned to the opposite wall, and grabbed another outfit. This one consisted of a three piece dark grey suit, completed with its own cape. You began to dress in it, and laughed as you fastened the cape to the shoulder pads. All you needed was a bucket on your head, and you could pass as a Knight.

The mask flashed past your eyes. He hadn't been wearing it, you remembered seeing it on its pedestal in his room this morning. You closed your eyes, and held your hand out, picturing the helmet floating towards you. Even though it was halfway across the castle, you heard it bounce off a few walls, before flying into your door, and dropping at your feet.

You clapped your hands together, and leaned down to pick it up. You turned back to the mirror, and slowly placed it over your head. It was large on yours, and it didn't seal around your neck as it did to his.

You struck a pose in the mirror, imitating Ren. "How does he even see out of this thing?" You pushed it down so that the visor was closer to your eyes, just in time to see him enter the room. You turned and held your hands up like you were going to karate chop him, "Call me the Supreme Leader." The synthesizer made your voice deeper.

He leaned against the bathroom door frame, crossing his arms.

"Don't be so disappointed to see me." You mocked.

"That doesn't fit you very well." 

"It's because you have the head of a Ronto," You snorted, striking another defensive pose. He closed the gap, and grabbed each side of the helmet.

He pulled the helmet away from your face, your hair clung to the inside like static, "I can have one made for you."

"No thanks." You rolled your eyes, and swung back around to the mirror. He set the helmet on the vanity next to you, and entered the closet as you shrugged out of the suit.

He emerged, holding a different dress. You shivered as he set it over your head, the fabric pooling all around you. You placed your arms through the sleeves, and he fastened the collar around your neck.

The colors faded into one another, yellow to pink to purple. Your shoulders were exposed, and metallic cuffs hung around your bicep, as well as across your chest.

Ren pulled your hair back, exposing your shoulders and collarbone even more. He placed his lips against your neck, giving you small kisses along your jugular.

"Which queen wore this one?" You breathed, watching him through the mirror.

"It was my grandmothers, she wore it while she was a senator." He explained.

"Seems a bit revealing for a government official." You scoffed

He chuckled, and replaced his lips with his hand, wrapping it around your throat softly, "Her and Anakin Skywalker came here to Naboo, to hide from an assassination attempt."

"Before he was Vader."

"Yes." He nodded, weaving his other hand around your waist.

"She should have tried harder." You breathed, leaning back into him.

He narrowed his eyes at you, "To do what?"

"To save him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just could not forget that y/n was staying on the most fashionable planet, and I needed something to lighten the mood for all the heavy. Luv u guys!


	28. Chapter 28

The month passed by quickly. The season had changed, and it was colder now. You pretended that nothing had ever happened, for Rens sake.

"Can we please go outside today?" You begged. You were pushing your breakfast leftovers around the plate.

"It's raining today." He hummed.

"I don't care. I love the rain." You sighed, staring out the window.

Ren raised his brows at you.

"Please?" You batted your lashes at him.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "Fine."

"Yes!" You pushed yourself out from the table, and stepped over to his seat, pulling on his arms to get him to get up faster. He shook his head, and followed you closely as you walked through the halls to the door that led to the trees. You swung the door open, and placed your foot at the threshold. He had to step through first, and then you were out. You skipped around in the rain, letting it fall on your face. He stood back, looking like a miserable drowned Porg.

"Come on, the rain is cleansing!" You lifted your face to the sky.

"You're going to get sick." He mumbled, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Oh stars, just come on." You grabbed his arms and pulled him further into the field. You danced around him, and you could see that he was trying not to enjoy it.

"Lay down." You threw yourself to the ground, and threw your arms out above you.

He sighed your name, and reluctantly laid himself next to you in the tall grass. The rain fell harder against your face, your hair was soaking wet, but you didn't care. You reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it between the two of you.

"This is normal." You giggled.

"You are not normal." He said sarcastically.

"No," You paused, turning your head to look at him, "This is what normal people do. Not supreme leaders, or resistance fighters. Just normal people."

"Why would you want to be normal?" He scoffed.

"It doesn't mean boring." You explained, "Anyways, I used to do this when I was a teenager, before everything."

He pulled your hands to his chest, "Were you scared?"

"Of the rain?"

"No, of the Force."

You thought for a moment before you spoke, "I was scared of what would happen if the wrong person found out."

"Me." He mumbled.

"I wish I would have found you then." You confided, "We could have figured it out together." You were shivering now.

"I wish you would have too."

You laid there quietly, soaking in the rain, and what he had said. A blade of lighting hit the grass on the other side of the palace, shaking the ground, and the booming thunder followed after.

"Oh, absolutely not." You shot up, "Rain is great, lightning is not!" You scurried back to the palace, as Ren chuckled behind you.

"You have the power to control practically everything, and you're scared of a little lightning?" He opened the door for you.

"Uh, have you ever heard of Darth Sidious?" You mocked, "That guy shot lightning out of his hands."

He pursed his lips, and followed you back into the throne room. Your teeth were chattering, and your wet hair was dripping down your back. "Let's go." He pulled you to his room.

He grabbed a change of clothes for you from his dresser.

"These are my favorite pair of pajamas that you own." You held up the sweatpants that he handed you. You tore your wet clothes off, and pulled his on, drowning in the fabric. He threw a towel at you, and you wrapped your hair in it. He changed quickly, and sat on the bed with you.

"You have more emotions in your head than you give off, you know that?" You teased, poking at his temple. He had gotten quiet, but his thoughts were racing.

"I've been trying to find out why the Force connected us." He announced.

"And?"

He shook his head, "I don't have the texts that would hold that information."

"Who does then?"

"Luke."

You bit the inside of your cheek, "Yikes." You breathed, "Well, it's probably just a coincidence anyways?" You tried to assure him.

"Would you give up the Force, if it meant you could be normal?" He was playing with your fingers, wrapping his hand through yours.

"Okay, the rain was supposed to cleanse you," You laughed, "Not make you all sad and in your feelings."

"I'm not!" He was defensive.

"You kind of are." You pointed out. "Who cares what life could be," You grabbed his face in your hands, and squished his face to look at you, "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that we are here."

He nodded against your grip.

You pushed him back, and straddled his hips. You kissed each freckle on his face, then crushed your lips against his.

He pushed his pelvis into yours, his bulge jamming against your thigh. You let out a small moan against his lips. The heat from your bodies had already warmed you from the rain. You pulled the sweats off, and gathered the bottom of the sweater around your waist.

"You're not very subtle." He rubbed his thumb across your pubic bone, dipping to the top of your slit.

"Why should I be?" You breathed, bucking your hips into his hand.

"Get on your hands and knees." He ordered, pushing you off the top of him.

You were shaking with anticipation, and you did as he said. He got off the bed, and removed his pants. He pushed his hand against your back, pushing your face down closer to the mattress so that your back was arched at an almost unnatural angle.

He dipped the tip of his cock between your flesh, then pulled you back towards him. His fingers were digging into your hips as he pumped into you.

"Fuck, Ren," You squealed, digging your face into the mattress.

Your hand found its way to your clit, rubbing and teasing yourself to bring you closer.

He pulled away from you, and flipped you onto your back. "Look at me." He grabbed your chin, turning your face to his. "You're mine, do you understand?"

"Yes sir, please-"

"Say it," He grunted, "Say that you're mine."

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, "I'm-"

"No." He slapped his hand across your face lightly, your nerves dancing below the spot he'd touched, "Look at me, and say you're mine."

You opened your eyes wide to him, trying to focus. "I'm yours, Kylo Ren." You whispered.

"Louder."

"I'm yours." Your chin quavered, rolling waves of pleasure were over stimulating all of your senses.

"You're mine." His voice was low.

"All yours." You agreed, "Now let me cum." You pleaded. He nodded his head, and thrusted into you faster.

Your cunt clenched around him, pooling between your legs. He sucked in a breath through clenched teeth, as his own climax approached. He dug his face into your neck, sucking at the skin.

His body was shaking above yours, his seed spilling into you, and running down the inside of your thighs.

He kept his face at your neck as you recovered, his hands wrapped around your torso, pulling your chests together. He took in a deep breath against you, and then flipped your bodies so you were laying on your sides, facing each other.

His face was dark, his eyes wouldn't meet yours. You laid your hand on his cheek, searching his head. Doubt flooded your mind. You pulled his face to yours, and snuggled yourself into him closer.

"I'm yours." You assured, pecking at his lips.

He let out a small grin at you, "I know."

You let your thumb rub at his cheek softly, the motion lulling him to sleep, and finally, you too.

Your dreams were filled with him that night. Scenes of your time here ran through your mind. The first time you kissed, all the way to the last. His dark almond eyes peered into your soul in your dreams, exposing you for everything you were. He had complete access to your mind, but as you let him in, something changed.

You began to hear him. Words he'd never spoken aloud before blared though your head. You watched through his memories the night that he'd found you on Naboo. You felt it as soon as he locked his eyes onto your wounded body. He knew what would happen if he took you that night. He knew everything before you ever put the pieces together.

Ushar was right. Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, loved you.

You hoped he knew that you truly loved him too.

He slipped out early the next morning, whispering about how he had something to do. He left you sleeping in the silk sheets, and covered your body with the comforter. His soft lips kissed at your forehead before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

You didn't know what time it was when you actually woke up, but you laid in the bed with your eyes closed, listening to the sound of the rain against the glass paneled wall.

You rolled over, and you pulled Rens pillow into your body. Something crumpled beneath your fingers, and a piece of cool metal rolled towards your forearm. You crumpled your face, and opened your eyes.

A note sat on the pillow, and your lightsaber was the mysterious lump. You pushed yourself to your elbow, and grabbed the saber, twisting it around to make sure it was actually yours.

You sat up in the bed, and pulled the paper close to your face. It had your name written on the folded edge. Your heart was racing, and the room began to spin. You unfolded the paper.

Elegant handwriting graced the middle of the paper, and a small signature in the bottom corner.

Ajan Kloss

-Ben Solo

It said Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren, or even just Ren. Ben Solo.

You were dizzy, and your eyes were having trouble focusing. Why does it say the name of a moon in the Outer Rim? You stood up out of bed, and pulled his sweater and the leggings you'd been wearing yesterday on. You slipped your boots on quickly, and folded the note back up, shoving it into your pocket. The lightsaber would be harder to conceal, though you didn't know if you even needed to hide it, given that he'd left it for you. You placed it in the waistband of your pants, making sure it was secure before creeping to the door. You pulled your hair back, and took a deep breath.

You pushed the door open, and poked your head out. The palace was unusually quiet. You couldn't sense the Knights anywhere near, usually their constant energy bounced around in your head. And Ren was definitely not here.

Ben.

He'd written Ben Solo at the bottom of his note.

You walked quietly through the hallway, listening for any sound from the throne room. Nothing. Not even the bustle of the waitstaff.

The door in the foyer was wide open, inviting you to cross the threshold. Your hand shot to the note in your pocket again, the edges slicing against your fingers to remind you that you weren't sleeping. You paced back and forth in the throne room.

It could be a test, in fact, it probably was. The Knights would be waiting for you outside, and as soon as you walked through that door, they'd pounce on you, and Ren would lose his trust in you again. How many times could you attempt to escape without him removing your head from your shoulders?

The rain had slowed outside, and a light breeze ran through the room from the open door. You took a step forward, trying to push your powers out to those around you. You couldn't feel anything.

Why else would he leave you your saber, and a super vague letter, signed his former name? The name that he despised, that you'd been punished for using before.

Kylo Ren wouldn't do that. Kylo Ren told you that you'd die here, probably even by his hands.

You stepped forwards again, fully entering the foyer.

It was quiet outside, those in the city sheltered from the rain. But you wanted to embrace it. You scanned again, what you could see from inside of the door. Nothing.

You made up your mind. You'd step outside, and face any major consequences when they came to you. You couldn't miss this opportunity, whether it be a trap or not.

You gripped the saber at your hip, ready to use it at a moments notice. Your foot paused at the door frame, yesterday you hadn't been able to step outside without Ren by your side. Today though, your foot passed through with ease. The first step out felt foreign, but with the second you breathed a sigh of relief.

No one had come out of the shadows to bring you back in. Your name hadn't been called out, begging you to stay. The rain hit your face, a constant reminder that this was actually happening. You shielded your eyes, and looked around the courtyard.

It stood there, as if it had always been there. The ramp was extended, it was waiting for you. Your ship. You stumbled towards it, reaching out to touch the metal, your finger tips grazing the blaster holes from the night you'd been kidnapped.

Ajan Kloss.

You jogged up the ramp, closing it behind you. The lights flashed on the control board, letting you know that it had been primed, and was ready to take off. You lowered yourself into the pilots seat, and your fingers hovered over the accelerator.

'Promise me you'll always be with me?' The words rang in your ears.

'I promise.' You'd said.

Was there any merit to your words, or had you just said what he wanted to hear? The veil clouded your vision again. Was any of it real?

You shook your hand, and closed your hand around the lever.

You had said what you needed to say in order to survive. He was possessive, and angry, and had the worst temper of anyone you'd ever met.

'I am a monster.'

He was. You flipped the switch to roar the engine to life, and pushed the accelerator forward. The ship lurched up, and you set your destination.

What in the hell was on Ajan Kloss? If you were remembering correctly, it was a jungle moon, and it wasn't really inhabited by any major societies.

You pulled the saber out of your waistline, and threw it onto the seat next to you, as the ship began to leave the atmosphere. You were holding your breath as you passed through the clouds. You expected to see the dreadnaughts waiting for you in the sky.

But they weren't.

You tapped your fingers against the arm rest on your seat, trying to clear your head. This was real. You pressed a few more buttons on the control board, and the ship raced into hyper speed. Your teeth were clenched so hard that your jaw started to ache, and your ears were ringing.

A sensor began to go off, indicating that you had a transmission coming through. It could be Ren. Or Ben. What the fuck were you supposed to call him?

You timidly pressed the button, and you heard a panicked voice call out your name.

"Kay?" You breathed.

"Oh thank the Maker." She cried out, you could hear voices behind her, fighting for the receiver, "Are you safe? Where are you?"

"I'm- uh..." You looked on your control board, "What's on Ajan Kloss?" You asked. You couldn't believe you were talking to her.

"How did you-" She paused, "Listen, BB-8 is patching through better coordinates." The map updated, the new location coming through.

Your name was called again, "Are you alone?" Poe called.

Your mind was numb. The stars passing by quicker than you could focus made your eyes fuzzy.

"We need to make sure you're alone." Poe interrogated again.

"Yes!" You blurted.

"Good." Kay patched through. "You're almost home." She breathed. "Stay on the line, okay?"

You nodded as if she could see you, "Okay." You whispered.

The ship pulled into the atmosphere, coming out of hyper speed. The moon was filled with trees, and vines, and you could barely see the ground as you flew to your destination.

There was a small opening in the tree tops, and your coordinates were telling you that's where you belonged. You lowered the ship to the landing pad, and the compressed air fogged around you. You hit the ramp button hard, and grabbed your saber from the seat.

The hot air caressed your face as soon as you stepped onto the ramp. A small crowd had formed at the edge of the dirt pad.

"Were you followed?" Someone called.

"No," You said. Your lungs weren't working right, the air just wouldn't flow through them. You stepped off the ramp, and noticed their blasters were raised at your ship. "It's just me." You assured.

Poe came forward, and told them to lower their weapons. You sprinted towards them, and wrapped him in a hug. He pulled you off your feet, crushing you with his arms. You felt another pair of arms wrap around both of you, Kay's tears stained your shirt.

"How'd you know we were here?" Poe asked once they had let go.

"I have no clue." You shook your head, the note in your pocket burning a hole to your skin.

You spun around, smiling faces surrounding you. There was only one you wanted.

She stood back, at the mouth of a cave, waiting for you.

"General." You cried, running to her waiting arms. She nuzzled you against her chest, her warm embrace protecting you. "I'm so sorry."

"No." She grabbed your face in her hands, "I'm sorry."

"I.." You sniffled, "He's- I have to tell you." You couldn't get the right words to leave your head.

Kay approached from behind, "You need to see the medic." She suggested.

"No, no, I'm totally fine." You waved your arms. Poe had come forwards too, you could see the worry on his face as you declined the offer. "I need to tell you everything." You turned back to Leia.

She smiled at you, and brushed your hair behind your ear. Her motherly touch brought you back to reality.

He had let you go.

"Let's get you some tea, and then we can talk." She nodded, pulling you back into her embrace. You nodded against her, and followed her into the new base.

You told her everything that had happened in the last year, save for the more explicit parts. You'd been on the Supremacy with Snoke, then Ren took you to Naboo to train, and then Ren killed Snoke for you, and you returned. You cried into her shoulder as she pat at your hair. You begged that she would forgive you for not bringing him back. You showed her the note, showing her that he was still good.

"I never wanted you to risk yourself to be my sons savior." She said.

You didn't ever feel like you were risking your life. It never felt like a chore. Deep down, something in you wanted to be there with him. He needed you just as much as you needed him.

"Leia," You paused, "I love him." You whispered.

"I know you do." She acknowledged, "But your place is here, not as his prisoner." She stood, holding your hand. "You've had a long day. We made sure your tent was set up the same way you left it, why don't you get some rest tonight, and we can talk again tomorrow."

You agreed, and exited the room you'd been in. Poe and BB-8 had been standing outside of the door, and Kay stood a few feet down the hall. Kay grabbed onto your hand, and the three of them showed you to your tent.

"If you need anything, I'll be just across the path." Kay smiled, opening the new tent door.

"I'm really fine, guys. I'm just tired." She turned to exit the room, waving for Poe to leave too.

"Why didn't you try to fight him?" Poe blurted.

"Shut up!" Kay hissed, smacking him on the back. "Let's go." She growled, pulling his arm.

"When we saw you at that cantina, you didn't even try to fight him." You could see that Poe was hurt.

"I did." You breathed, "I wasn't strong enough."

"What happened to you?" He pressed. Kay smacked him again.

"Poe, honestly." She warned, "Stop. Let her sleep."

"I'm sorry Poe." You sniffled.

How do you face your friends and tell them that for the last year you'd been fucking the Supreme Leader of the First Order, the one who tried to blow them up, and kill them on countless occasions.

He shook his head, like he was disappointed. "Goodnight." He waved, leaving the tent. Kay smiled back at you, and followed him out, a string of profanities calling after him.

You deserved the uncertainty. They had every right to be upset with you.

You clambered into your cot, wishing that it was the huge bed you had back on Naboo. The scratchy wool blanket caressed your cheeks, and before you knew it, you were asleep, finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've been working on this story for about 6 months now, which seems crazy! I've had it all mapped out for ages, known what was going to happen in each chapter the entire time, until 2 weeks ago. It was turning into something that I wasn't wanting to write, so I had to scrap some ideas and rearrange. I'm still working on it, so the updates might come a little bit slower, but were getting close to the end!! Again, thank you for all of your support, I love each and every one of you!! XOXO


	29. Chapter 29

It was weird. Kay stayed by your side all day, and everyone who passed you would smile, some even giving small hugs.

You wanted to explain to them what had happened, but every time you began to think about it, your mind went blank, and you held your breath to stop the spinning. Kay made sure you ate, and would say quiet affirmations to you.

"I'm okay." You assured. "I'm just so happy to be back."

"No, I know, but you were gone for so long." She beamed, "It's hard to believe that you're really here."

You pinched your arm, "Definitely here." You laughed.

You heard BB-8 squeal a slew of greetings as he entered the mess hall. Poe strode in, followed by a maintenance worker you recognized as Rose, and a stranger you hadn't met.

"What's up?" Poe asked, patting you on the back, and sitting next to you. Rose leaned against the table at, and the stranger hung behind her, not wanting to make eye contact.

You couldn't help but try and scan his head, he was nervous around you.

"It's really good to have you back." Rose smiled, kneeing the stranger to stop being awkward.

"So, this is Finn." Poe nodded his head at the stranger.

"Hello." He held his hand out at you, and you timidly took it.

"I know you from somewhere." You blurted.

"Uh, yea." Finn confirmed, "We've met."

Everyone at the table got quiet, and avoided your questioning gaze. You raised your brow, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I was a stormtrooper, in charge of watching you in the beginning."

"Hehe," You laughed awkwardly, "Oh." You wondered how much he knew.

"Finn was the one to tell us that you were probably on Naboo!" Kay began to explain how he'd come to the Resistance, and how much he's helped out.

You smiled and joked with them, but you couldn't help but feel embarrassed that he might possibly know what you did with Ren in that tiny semi-private bathroom that night on the Supremacy.

"You missed a lot actually." Poe shrugged, "Finn was on Starkiller when it blew up. Him and a few others went to set the bombs, and then he carved that nasty scar into Kylo Rens face."

So he wasn't there for your midnight adventure, thank the Maker, but he was the one who tried to kill your former lover.

"But Han-" Rose began.

"I know." You sighed, "I watched Starkiller blow up though. I thought they had gotten to D'Qar before that."

"It never made it to us." Kay explained, "They sent a fleet down to finish the job, but most of us had already made it out."

"They were blocking me from reaching out to you."

"Yeah, that tracks." Poe shook his head.

"Whatever, it's all over now." Rose said, "You're back home."

"You want a little tour of the new base?" Poe rose to his feet, and held his hand out. You grabbed it, and nodded.

Rose and Finn had a ship to work on, and Kay left for a meeting with the General. Poe showed you around the small forest base.

You could relax now, you were more comfortable with Poe than anyone else, regardless of his outburst the night before. He was the first one to show you around when you'd gotten to the Resistance in the first place, so it was like deja-vu. He explained that Master Luke and Leia had trained here after the battle of Endor, and the First Order hadn't been able to track the Resistance here.

"This is probably my favorite base we've had." You mentioned.

"Yeah, it's pretty great." He said, and stopped in his tracks, "Listen, I'm sorry about last night."

You sighed, "It's fine, Poe."

"I just can't grasp why you didn't try to fight harder against him."

You couldn't answer, without spilling everything.

"It's like you just gave up!"

"I don't even know how to explain it." You shrugged, trying to exit the conversation.

"Just try." He grabbed your shoulders.

"He's not a bad guy!" You exploded, word vomiting everything, "I thought I could change him, he was so close to coming back with me. I just needed more time!"

"More time?" He had an unconvinced look on his face, "You wanted more time, with the monster who stole you from us, and was holding you captive?"

"I did what I had to." You mumbled, shaking out of his grasp. "I don't expect you to understand, or to even approve, but I'm here now. I have absolutely no plans to ever go back."

"Good." He was angry with you still.

"I need some time by myself, I'll see you later." You shook your head, and left the hangar. You grabbed your saber from the trunk at the end of your bed. It was wrapped in the sweater you'd come here in. Bens sweater.

You threw it on over your tank top, and stomped out into the forest by your camp.

"Where are you?" You whispered to yourself, closing your eyes. You searched for his stupid heartbeat, but you felt nothing. "You don't get to ignore me now."

Absolutely nothing.

Your breathing was ragged, you could feel the anger rising inside of you.

"Son of a bitch!" You yelled, igniting your saber. You swung it around you, chopping at vines and bushes. This is what he had done to you, made you an angry person who couldn't control herself.

He let you go without as much as a goodbye. A stupid note left on his pillow wasn't enough for you. Where were the tears, and the passionate kiss, and you begging for him to come with you.

It didn't get to just end like that.

You searched harder for him. You could hear voices in the back of your head, telling you to control your anger, but you shut them out. You swung your saber at a tree, splitting the trunk in two.

Beep

"What?" You roared, turning you saber towards the source.

BB-8 squealed, and rolled a few feet away.

"I'm so sorry." You breathed, turning off your saber and throwing it to the ground. You kneeled to his level so he knew he was safe.

He beeped again at you.

"Did Poe send you to stalk me?" You laughed.

He confirmed with a low noise.

"It's all good, I just needed a minute to release some steam."

He rolled back and forth, like he understood the feeling.

"I'm glad you got out of there when you did." You referred to that night on Naboo, "No one gave you any trouble right?" He shook his little dome head.

"Good." You straightened out his antenna. You turned back and looked at the wreckage behind you, "We should probably go back."

Beep

"I promise I won't knock down any more trees." You chuckled, holding out your pinky for him. He flashed an arm out, lighting the end. You rolled your eyes at him, and the two of you walked, or rather he rolled, back into camp.

You stowed your saber away, before meeting your friends at the bon fire that had been lit for the night.

"Hey! Come have a drink!" Kay called. She handed you a mug of what you could only hope was something strong and alcoholic. Your first sip confirmed that it was definitely both.

You sat next to them, and listened to them tell tales of the last year. You joined in with a few stories of your own. You laughed as they looked in horror about the time that Ren sent a saber into your arm, and you pulled the sweater away to reveal the scar.

Poe was the first to giggle with you, and soon, the drinks had taken over your systems, sending you all into a laughing fit.

You didn't care how much you missed Ben back on Naboo. You were truly happy to be back home.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am so unbelievably sorry that it took this long. Without going into much detail, I've had an interesting few months. To be completely honest, I lost all motivation to keep writing. I truly hope I can make it up to you by finishing this fic as quick as I can without compromising the plot. Again, so sorry, and enjoy:)

"Dammit." You swatted at the rogue spark that landed on the sleeve of the sweater. It left a small hole in the woven fabric, and you stuck the tip of your finger through it.

Beep

"No, it didn't hurt." You assured. You were working on your saber, the Kyber Crystal had come loose at some point in the last month, probably during one of your practice runs. The cauterizer you were using was not reacting very well with the crystal, and kept wanting to ignite your clothes on fire.

"Finally." You breathed, welding the hilt shut again. You wiped your forehead with your sleeve, the humidity was horrible here.

"How's it going?" Finn asked, working on his own project on the other side of the work bench.

"I think I finally got it back in there." You held your weapon up, studying your welding job, "You think it's gonna blow up on me?"

"I'm sure it's fine!" He shrugged. Rose stood behind him, handing him the tools he needed. They had gotten super close in the last two months, you'd noticed the looks between them, the same looks that you'd given too...

"Are you gonna do it?" Rose asked.

You took a deep breath, and held the saber away from you. You pressed the button, and the blade roared to life, sputtering a bit at first. It calmed down after a second, and was back to the same old perfect weapon.

"See, it was fine!" Finn clapped. You turned it off, and threw it back into your holster.

"Hey!" Kay called, coming into the workshop. "I brought sandwiches!" She threw one at you, and you caught it with the Force.

"Show off." Finn rolled his eyes.

"It's not my fault that you're not as good as me yet." You laughed.

He held up his own saber in front of him, and mumbled under his breath about how he wasn't happy with it.

Finn had confided in you when you had settled back in, asking you questions about your powers, and how you knew. You could feel that he was Force sensitive, and you helped him develop his powers.

"Look, you just have to connect the activation circuit to the energy gate." You pointed out, and took a bite of your sandwich.

"And replace the wiring on the modulator because I cut through it yesterday." He groaned.

"How did you manage to do that?" You chuckled.

"I was..." His face turned red, and Rose looked away, taking nibbles out of her bread. "Distracted."

You and Kay looked at each other, and busted out laughing.

"Well at least I haven't worn the same sweater for a whole month because it smells like-" Rose slapped her hand over Finns mouth, stopping his sentence.

"It doesn't smell like anything, I just like it." You murmured. You hadn't told them the whole truth, but it was hard to keep secrets like this from the people that you loved.

Kay took it well, just trying to be supportive. You thought that Finn had known the whole time, because when you explained it to him and Rose, he just nodded his head. Poe, on the other hand, hadn't said more than a few words to you. He'd been busying himself with missions away from base, and when he was home, he holed up in the command center.

"How do I attach the belt hook to this?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Weld it to the top of the hilt, but make sure it doesn't interfere with the blade." You said. You could hear Kay breath a sigh of relief beside you. "Any updates on the mission on Jakku?"

"Not yet." She shrugged, "The First Order is occupying the planet, and its too hard to get any messages out."

"What's on Jakku that they want?" Rose asked.

"I though Jakku was just like, a dumping ground?" You shrugged.

"The General said that there's an ally that might have the final piece of the map to Skywalker." Poe said, standing in the doorway. You rolled your eyes, and took another bite of your sandwich.

"He never said anything about trying to find Luke." You shook your head.

"Well duh," Poe snapped, "Why would he tell you anything?"

"I don't know, Poe!" You slid your chair out, and shot up, "Why don't I just call him up and ask him what they're doing on Jakku? It'll save us all some time!"

Kay called your name quietly, as you glared at Poe. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were upset. Tools were floating around you, threatening to fly at Poe. You lowered them, and sat back down.

"Some of the ground crew left this morning to find out what this guy has." Poe glared, "I've got a few friends there who are helping out."

"Good!" Kay smiled, the tension making the room heavy. She was trying to keep the peace between her two friends.

"I've got to go." You shot out of the chair again. "I left the water running in my tent."

"You have running water in your tent?" Finn repeated.

"No." Rose shook her head. You left the workshop, and your feet led you to your tent.

You threw your saber down on the cot, then pulled the sweater over your head, struggling to untangle yourself from it.

"Stupid." You mumbled to yourself, wrapping it up and throwing it in the trunk. It sat next to the note, neatly folded on top of a few blankets, your name staring back at you.

An entire month without feeling anything from him. You had begged countless nights to yourself to hear his heartbeat again, and every morning you would wake up without it again.

He had to have been listening to you cry about him. Secretly interfering with your thoughts and feelings. You were like an open book to him.

Finn was right, you wore the sweater because it still smelled like him. It was filthy now, you refused to wash it, afraid that the scent would go away. You'd found one of his hairs tangled in it a few days after you got back, and it took everything in you not to cry, instead you let it fall to the ground and tried to forget about it.

You stayed to yourself for the rest of the day, clutching the note to your chest, trying to feel something again.

—-

A week passed since your outburst at Poe. The crew that flew to Jakku still wasn't back, the First Order patrols were too much for them to leave their hideout, but they were expected to meet with Leia's friend today. They had confirmed that he has another part to the map, hopefully the final piece that you needed.

Leia had disclosed to you that Master Luke may be able to bring Ben back. You heart fell out of your chest at the mention of him, and you quietly sent out a prayer to the dead Jedi that this was true. Of course they didn't answer.

You and Finn had created a new course on Ajan Kloss, this one much harder than the last. You ran it every day, then taught him how to meditate. He wasn't as Force sensitive as you were, but he was trying.

Poe had joined your group at lunch, surprising all of you.

"What's on the menu?" He reached across you at your plate, and pulled a piece of bantha jerky off of it. You raised your brows and pursed your lips as he popped the food into his mouth.

"Oh come on," He rolled his eyes, "I'm over it."

Kay nudged your ribs, "Fine, I accept your apology." You chimed.

"Well, it wasn't really an apology, but okay." He teased, then turned to look at you, flashing a wide grin. You took a deep breath, and smiled back at him.

"Oh stars, I don't think I could have taken much more of that." Rose breathed, "Any news?"

"They should be meeting with the ally any minute now, and then they're coming back." Poe explained. It felt good to be close with him again.

"How are they going to get out of there without being spotted?" Finn asked.

You threw a piece of jerky into your mouth, and chewed slowly, trying to rehydrate the meat.

Poe shrugged his shoulders, "I guess the Dreadnaughts are on the move again, so the skies are clear. Just a small ground fleet doing patrols."

You snorted, "Well that's lucky."

"There's that other ship too, trailing with them." Kay interjected, "Its pretty big, but they never send any transmissions from it."

"That's the Night Buzzard." You pointed out, "The Knights of Ren."

"Those guys are jerks." Finn groaned. You nodded your head in agreement. Your stomach began to turn at the thought of them, the jerky not wanting to go down your intestines.

"Well, Leia doesn't want the crew leave after nightfall." Poe prattled on and on about the meeting, as your stomach did flips inside of you. You swallowed your spit, trying to push it down.

Rose said your name, bringing you back to the table, "You okay? You look like you're going to be sick?"

"Did the bantha taste weird to you?" You asked Poe.

"No..."

"I just need some fresh air, I think." You stood up, steadying yourself against the table. Hot spit pooled in your mouth, and you walked quickly out of the mess hall. You made it around the corner, until you couldn't hold it in anymore. You retched all over the side of a tree, and held onto the trunk for support. Panic was rising in your head, and your arms were shaking with each heave. You grabbed the collar of your shirt, and wiped your mouth.

You stood back up slowly, trying to collect yourself. You shuffled back to your tent, and filled the basin on your desk with water from your canteen. You splashed your face with it, trying to cool yourself back down. Your stomach wasn't hurting anymore, whatever was wrong with the meat had left your system. You took a drink from the bottle, your stomach cooling from the water.

Your head began to pound from the violence of the episode. You lowered yourself to the ground, and put your head between your knees. Your thoughts were racing form the panic attack you were having. You thought of Ushar, and then Tika. You should have found Tika, and brought her with you. You thought of the tress by the lake, and the crack in the ground that you'd made. Your mind flashed to the hole in the wall, from when Ren had thrown you into it, and how Tika took care of you. Lin Duelis popped into your head, he knew the Resistance was alive, he tried to tell you.

Your heart was racing, you couldn't control your breathing. Your whole body was shaking now.

You're glad you didn't die that night.

The nausea came back, and you grabbed the basin from above you, and dumped the water out. You were dry heaving, your stomach empty, clutching the basin below your chin.

You were crying now. The tears scalding your face.

You thought you were past this, two months back on base should have been enough time to heal. It was easy to distract yourself from the thoughts of him now, Leia had began to give you small missions to keep you busy, though she didn't want you leaving the atmosphere, just in case an unknown visitor was lurking. 

You could hear her feet shuffling outside of your tent. She was honestly your saving grace in all of this, always there to pick up the pieces. She entered your space, and kneeled in front of you, wiping the hair off of your face.

"I really miss him." You sniffled, lowering the basin to sit beside you. She nodded, allowing you to have your moment of weakness.

"I do too." She said. It was selfish for you to even cry over him, when his own mother sat here in front of you. You'd only known him for a short time, and you were a mess over it, you couldn't imagine how she must have felt when he left. She held her hand out for you, helping you to your feet.

You straightened your clothes, trying to compose yourself, "I know he's still there. I don't want him in my head anymore."

She wrapped her arm in yours, and pulled you along to walk with her. You could see a small crowd had formed around the control center, where she was leading you. "The ally on Jakku had the rest of the map, BB-8 received it a few minutes ago."

You could see the map flashing in the middle of the room, pinpointing Master Lukes location. A small planet in the Unknown Regions.

"What's this mean General?" Someone asked from beside you.

"It means we bring him home."

\---

You were boarding the Falcon in no time. Chewbacca had loaded the ship with everything you could need, including R2D2, who decided to come back to life as the missing piece of the map was found.

According to Leia, you were the obvious choice to send to her brother. She thought you'd be able to break through his tough exterior, but stars was she wrong.

Years of being alone had seemingly made the old man unable to posses any sort of hospitality, and he was doing his best to ignore your pleas for him to return with you. In fact, it wasn't until Chewie had made his way out of the ship that he would even talk to you.

You had to explain to him what had happened to Han, and how Leia sent you to retrieve him, but he still refused to come back with you.

"Master Luke, please, I feel like maybe if I just explained everything to you-"

"Why do you think I came to the most unfindable place in the whole galaxy?" He began to walk away, "There's no winning this war."

Chewie growled at Luke, and you had to translate that the wookie wouldn't accept the negativity.

"You're wrong, the First Order is falling apart at the seams, we've got more and more people on our side every day!" You followed after him as he walked through the small village on the island.

He scoffed, "Then why do you need me?" He was walking towards a stone hut, picking up speed to get away from you.

"Can you stop walking!" You shouted, his feet gluing to the ground, inches away from the door, "He's in my head, and I need him out."

He turned his head to you, glaring, "What do you mean 'in your head'?"

You sighed, letting go of the hold, "We're connected, somehow, and I need him out."

His eyes were wild as he stared at you, like he was trying to figure out if this was all a set up. "How long has it been like that?"

"Please, let me just explain everything to you."

He raised his head, like he was looking up at an invisible voice in the sky, before looking back at you. "Fine."


	31. Chapter 31

"Master Luke, I can't explain it, but but Ben Solo and I-"

"Ben Solo is dead."

"No, he's not!" You scoffed, "He has seen the error of his ways. I know him well enough by now to confidently say that he is no longer Kylo Ren."

"Do you know how many people he's killed?" Luke shot back. "Once the dark side has it's hold on you, you never get out."

"That's not even remotely true and you know that." You breathed. "Your sister told me everything that happened with your father. He was Darth Vader for so long, but you convinced him to turn back."

"That was just a fluke."

You shot up out of your chair, you wouldn't accept that people were stuck in their ways. "Fluke or not, I know that I can convince Ben to return. But I don't want your help with that." You glared at him. "Right now though, if he wishes, he can see through my eyes. For all we know he's staring at you just as I am."

Luke's eyes widened, and he stood. You could sense his panic. "Why would you come here then?"

"Because you're going to help me get him out of my head."

He continued to glare, until his face turned into a smirk, and he began to laugh. 

"I don't know what's so funny, Master Luke?"

His laughs were hysterical now, and he was doubled over, clutching his chest.

"Great." You rolled your eyes, "You know, this is just great!" You kicked your chair over, crossing your arms against your chest. "You're a lunatic! You've been isolated here for so long that you've gone crazy!"

Luke shook his head, and stood up straight, his laughs quieting. "Kid, I'm not the crazy one here." He wiped his mouth with a handkerchief, and continued, "You come to MY island, telling me some crazy story about how you can bring back my nephew, and then demand that I help you?"

You stayed silent, only your ragged breaths could be heard.

"You may think that you know him, but you have not seen what I have." He shook his head, and reset your chair to its spot with the Force. "Your connection with him is nothing but a distraction from the truth."

"And what would that truth be?"

Luke smiled softly, almost like the answer he was going to give would be gentle, and sweet. That was not the case. "Kylo Ren was using you."

No. You looked down to your feet, trying to keep your breathing constant.

"For what?" He paused, "Well, I'll let you decide, but I don't think it was love."

You had begun to count now, trying to stay collected. You knew what Luke was saying wasn't true. You knew what you had with Ben was real.

"I'm sorry that my sister sent you here, but you should go back to her. Tell her that her son is not coming back to her, and neither will I." He had sat back down in his chair, a finale to his spiel.

"Master Luke, I really think-"

"If you really wanted to severe your connection, you would simply block him out."

You shot your eyes back to his, furrowing your eyebrows. "It's more than that!"

"It's really not." He rolled his eyes.

You wouldn't accept 'No' for an answer. Leia trusted you with this, and you couldn't let her down.

The door to the hut opened, and Luke held his arm out for you to take your leave. You nodded at him, and stepped towards the door.

"Please tell Leia that I love her, and I'm sorry." He said quietly.

You continued your exit, but paused at the door, and smiled down at your feet. "Oh no, Master Luke, you're mistaken." You said. You turned your head back to the small village in front of you, taking in the surroundings. "I'm not going back to Leia." You laid your eyes on an uninhabited hut, just on the opposite side of the path, "I think I'm going to hang out a while. You never know, you might change your mind."

Luke sighed, resigning from the argument. You left the hut, shutting the door behind you. You breathed in a fresh breath of air, and let it out slowly. You adjusted the holster on your hip, pushing the saber towards your backside, so it was out of your way while you got to work.

"Chewie?" You called into the Falcon. He gave a hearty reply, and you followed the sound of his voice. He was in the main hold, sitting at the engineering bench, messing with his crossbow, and R2 rolled closer to you. "I need you to tell Leia something."

He grunted in response.

"No, it's not safe to send a transmission. I'll need you to tell her in person."

He cocked his head to the side, confused.

"Chewie, I'm going to stay here."

He stood, and roared quietly, refusing to leave you behind. R2 beeped quickly, rocking between feet.

"I understand, but I need Luke to listen to me, and I don't know how far away that may be." You moved over to the bunk area, and opened your trunk. You could still hear Chewie protesting. "I will be fine! I promise!" You called out. You checked to make sure all of your belongings were in place, the closed the lid again. Chewbacca and R2 were both standing in the hallway now, watching you grab a few items from the kitchenette. "I told her that I would try my best to bring her brother back, and I'm not going to give up that easy."

Chewie whined, he was worried that something would happen to you.

You set the items on top of your trunk, and grabbed onto one side, attempting to drag it out of the Falcon. Chewie told you to move, and hoisted it into the air. "Please tell her that I'll return as soon as possible, and that I'm not abandoning them." You smiled, leading them to your new hut that you would call home for as long as needed. He nodded in agreement, he would relay your message. R2 beeped again, a question.

You smiled at the old droid, "Sure, you can stay here." You patted him on top of the head, "Maybe Luke will listen to you." He lit up every button, and squealed.

You pushed open the door to the hut, and took a look around as Chewie set your trunk down. He gave a disapproving growl.

"Yea, you're right." You nodded, "I think I'm going to need to steal the broom from the Falcon."

You walked back with Chewie to the ship. He retrieved the broom, and the two of you said your goodbyes. He promised to tell Leia what you had said, and you wrapped your arms around him in a hug. You hadn't been close with Chewbacca before, but being inside of Ben's head made you feel like you knew so much about him, and knowing he truly cared for you was all you needed in this life.

You waved as the Millennium Falcon left the atmosphere, turning around as you felt the eyes of another person on your back. Luke shook his head disapprovingly, then stomped back into his hut. It didn't matter. You had work to do.

It took hours for you to sweep and dust every surface in your hut. It seemed like every square inch had at least an inch of dirt on it. Once that was done, you spread your blanket out on the concrete cot. Each new bed was a downgrade from your last, and you reminisced about your bed on Naboo to R2. He wheeled back and forth as you spoke to him, trying to help clean the surfaces of the room, and lighting the candles you set out along the way. By the time the hut was habitable, you were exhausted, and sleep came almost easier than ever.

A hammering outside woke you from your deep dreamless sleep. You rolled over on the uncomfortable slab, squinting your eyes at the window. R2 was powered down at the end of your bed, reserving his power bank.

The sun was barely peeking through the clouds, and you could see a fog laid across the land. The hammering continued steady, and you finally resigned in trying to ignore it. You dressed quickly, making sure to strap your saber to your hip. You quietly closed the door behind you, leaving your hut to investigate the loud noise.

You left the small square of huts, following a path up the mountain. The sun shone down on the dewy grass as you investigated. A small, plump creature was holding a mallet, repeatedly hitting at a stone, like they were trying to break away pieces. They hadn't spotted you yet, and you didn't want to frighten them, so you began to back away down the path.

"The Lanai women," A low voice from behind startled you, and you swung around with your fists up. "They've been caretakers of this place for thousands of years."

You rolled your eyes at him, and huffed, looking back behind your shoulder at the woman. she had noticed you now, and was staring. "Where can I find drinking water?"

"I'm sure there's plenty wherever you're from, maybe you should go back there and forget about all of this."

You snorted, and shoved past him down the mountain. You noticed a lot more of the Lanai villagers now, all seemingly consumed with daily chores around the island. You smiled as you passed, but received strange looks from each of them. You stopped in the middle of the village, and looked around. The island wasn't too big, so it shouldn't be hard to find your way around. You decided your best bet was to start at one end, and make your way to the other.

Your path crossed with Luke only a handful of times over the next few days as you made yourself familiar with the land. Even though the island was small, you'd only explored two thirds of it, leaving a few areas untouched.

You were having conversation with R2, and boiling some water for your portion pack. He had been trying to see Luke too, but the old man wouldn't entertain it.

"He's just bitter." You frowned, "I think he's afraid if he opens up, he'll let down his guard."

R2 was disappointed. He'd come all this way to see his friend, but his friend was not here.

"I know." You smiled, and turned back to the droid. "But I promised the General that I would do everything I could to bring Luke home, and that promise extends to you too."

He rocked back and forth on his feet, accepting your promise. You chuckled, and turned back to your water. It was raining today, and thunder shook the stone huts. You stared out of the window, leaning against the slab countertop, your chin in the palm of your hand.

You can't say that you hadn't tried to take Luke's advice. 'If you want to severe your connection, block him out.' You wished it was that easy, but there was something in the back of your head telling you that he was still there.

In fact, as the few days had passed here, it had only felt stronger. And now, you realized as you stared out that window, it was thunderously deafening. You snapped your head up. It was radiating from somewhere on the island, like a broadcast from a transmitter.

You stepped away from your kettle, and pushed open the door, searching the village for another creature. Maybe someone else could hear it too? You stepped out into the rain, and it soaked your hair and through your clothes almost immediately.

The broadcast got louder as you took a few more steps outside, and you realized which direction it was coming from. It seemed to put you in some sort of trance, and before you knew it, you were following the sound.

You knew this wasn't Ben. There's no way it was even possible. Your feet took you mindlessly towards the north side of the island, where you hadn't yet explored. The rain seemed to fall harder on this side, each droplet burning your skin as it made contact. The noise had taken over all of your senses, giving you tunnel vision to your destination.

Finally, you reached the source. Down a small seaside cliff, a hole in the ground spoke your name, calling out to you.

"Ben?" You called, even though you had already decided that it couldn't be him. The cave went silent, and after days of the ringing in your head, you could only hear the rainfall.

And then he whispered your name again.

"Ben?" You called again. His voice took your breath away. You crawled down the cliff carefully, and stepped towards the pit. The closer you stepped, the more you noticed. Long black vines wrapped out of the hole, seeming to grow from inside. You knew that there must be water inside. You could hear that it was hollow, as the waves crashed over the side of the cavity.

You peeked your head over the side slowly, apprehensive of the scenario that some large animal may reach out and grab you.

Your foot shifted below you, as you craned your neck out even more. You weren't anticipating for the vine to give way, and you gasped as you slipped forward into the pit.

The fall was short, and you landed in a large pool of saltwater, gasping and sputtering as you pushed yourself to the surface.You flailed your arms out, trying to keep your head above the water, as you looked around for a way out. The water got more shallow as you swam to the shore, and finally you were able to walk on land again. It was freezing in here, you could see your breath in front of your face, and goosebumps littered your flesh as you tried to ring the moisture out of your clothes.

The only way out of the cave was through the hole in the top, and as you squinted at the opening, you caught a glimmer out of the corner of your vision. You flipped around, unhooking your saber from its spot, and illuminating it towards the movement.

The green light stood out against the reflective surface, blurring you out. You switched the saber off, and dropped your hands to your side. You could see clear as day into the mirrored wall now, giving yourself a once-over. It had been days since you'd seen yourself, and you looked rough. You hooked your saber back into the holster and stepped closer to the wall.

Running your hand over your face, scoffing at the girl in the reflection. You turned back to the opening, trying to judge the distance from the water. How long would it take for R2 to come looking for you, if the rain didn't deter him from venturing out of the cozy hut. You laughed to yourself, and plopped down on the stone floor, wrapping your arms around your legs to warm up.

This sucked.

You stared down at your knees, silently cursing yourself. The girl in the mirror did the same, raising her head with yours. You looked back over your shoulder at the far wall. There was no shore over there, so you'd have to swim back across the lake to it, but the vines stemmed from that side, and you could easily climb them. You took a deep breath, before pushing yourself to your feet, and entering the water again.

You were halfway across the lake, when you heard another voice.

"Let your death be the final word in the story of rebellion."

You faltered, and bobbed under the water. You didn't recognize this voice, and it brought dread to the pit of your stomach. You clawed at the water to pull yourself back up, but the room echoed the voice again. It felt like a hand had grasped your ankle, pulling you down into the abyss. You kicked your legs, and in the process, took a sharp breath in. Water filled your lungs, and you pushed your arms out, coughing and sputtering as your head emerged.

You pumped your arms and legs faster to get across, finally grasping at the slick vines, pulling yourself out. You hooked your foot into a gap, and pushed up. You didn't stop until you reached the top. It was still raining as you crawled from the cave, and you finally got to take a fresh breath of air. You flipped over onto your back, catching your breath, staring up at the sky.

"Hey, kid! What are you doing?"

You popped your head up, taking a deep breath in.

"How long have you been out here?"

You couldn't speak, your lungs were still recovering from swallowing the saltwater.

"Kid?" He had stepped closer now, and you laid your head back down. "Are you okay?

You turned to look at Luke, squinting your eyes. He looked over his shoulder at the cave, then back to you.

"You're soaking wet, and it's freezing out here." He held a hand out, waiting for you to take it, and helped you to your feet when you did. "You should get back inside."

"Luke." You exhaled, finally coherent enough to speak.

"Yea kid?"

"What the hell is this place?"


End file.
